Woman refuses to give BF a free pass after she 'cheated' on him with his friend, AITA?

My BF is mad at me for not giving him a 'free pass.'

Teethtreeboil writes:

My boyfriend, Ryan (25M), and I (24F) have been dating for a bit under two years. Recently, we’ve been getting more experimental. I pitched the idea of bringing a third person into our bedroom dynamic (I’m bi), and he suggested his friend Jessi (25F).

I had met Jessi quite a few times as she is very good friends with Ryan, and they’ve known each other for a long time. He was upfront with me when we met that they dated for a few weeks like 7 years ago before amicably splitting due to lifestyle differences (Jessi is a party girl, anti-religious, child-free; Ryan said there were too many differences between them, and they haven’t messed around since, but stayed friends).

Jessi and I have hung out a few times, just the two of us, and I consider her my friend now too. One day when she was over, Ryan pitched the idea to Jessi. Jessi seemed a bit shocked but agreed. We got down to business, and it was nice. I thought we all had fun. We’ve been together a few times since, and I thought everyone is on the same page, and it’s not weird.

Well, now it is. The other day Jessi stayed over and slept in our bed with us. Ryan went to work early, and it was just Jessi and I. I woke up to her trying to initiate with me (politely). While I was interested, I declined, saying Ryan wasn’t here, and he wouldn’t be okay with just us messing around.

She then showed me she had texted Ryan earlier specifically asking permission to do this without him. He responded, “That’s fine, as long as I get a free pass too.” I thought for a second and came to the conclusion that the idea of him and Jessi together didn’t upset me, as I trusted both of them.

So I was okay with him being with her as long as he told me about it. We really should have talked about the details more because this is where it all went wrong. Jessi and I did what seh wanted to do together without Ryan; it was fine and all, but when he got home later, Jessi asked him when he wanted his free pass? He said, “Not sure yet, gotta try to talk to this girl at work I want to use it on.”

Both Jessi and I were confused as we thought he meant a free pass with JESSI, but apparently, he meant a free pass with ANYONE, which I was not okay with. I knew and trusted Jessi, which is why I agreed to it. I told him this, and he said it wasn’t fair that I can cheat on him with whoever but he can’t.

I told him it’s not WHOEVER, it’s this one person we both trust. Jessi then left us to resolve the argument. Ryan said that being with Jessi is mostly for me, as he isn’t all that attracted to her. So he wants someone different. I kinda feel like I got trapped, so I told him no. Now he’s not speaking to me, and I can’t tell if I’m the AH?

Here are the top comments from the post:

AffectionateWay9955 says:

Your relationship is over.

jorar86 says:

Your relationship is doomed

BigTitansum says:

Homeboy has two girls already and he wants a third? Remind him of the story of Icarus.

LeastSmile says:

Dump him and get with Jessi.

bhardy10 says:

NTA. This man wants his cake, ice cream, cookies, and to eat it all in front of you. Leave, and take Jessi with you!