'AITA for not giving my entitled daughter $500k after selling my mom's old home?'
"Made my daughter a generous offer, she declined and now wants it back as cash, AITA for saying no?"
Creative_Hearing6820 writes:
My dad passed away a few years ago. Not long after, my mom had a disabling stroke, and I had to put her in an assisted living facility. This was all in my hometown, about 500 miles from where I’ve lived for many years. I was co-owner of their house.
I knew Mom wouldn’t be coming home, so I proceeded to clean out the house, did extensive repairs, kept the taxes and insurance paid, and made sure it didn’t look deserted by arranging for the grass to be cut, the bushes to be trimmed, lights to be on timers, and neighbors to park in the driveway.
Mom’s health declined, and she eventually passed. During this time, my daughter was in high school and looking toward college. She considered my alma mater in my hometown (an excellent university), and I told her that if she chose to go there, she could live in the house (which was looking like new) and I’d cover the costs—utilities, lawn care, groceries.
She could get a roommate if she wished. The house was about 20 minutes from campus in a beautiful neighborhood—nice lot, beautifully landscaped, two-car garage, all new high-end appliances and carpeting, remodeled bath, new HVAC and roof, etc.
After graduation, if she chose to seek and find a career there (lots of opportunities and growth in that city), I’d give her the house. So at 22-23, she’d be off to a good start, plus she’d own a great house free and clear.
She chose a university in our state—a very fine school. We’d funded her college account, as our wish was for her to graduate with no debt. Since she wasn’t going to use the house and it was too far away to manage as a rental, I sold it, netting about $550K, which I channeled into other investments.
Daughter goes off to college. We’d talked for years about careers, and I advised her to pick something she could love and be excited about, to explore opportunities and growth in that field, and to think about where it would take her.
She’s chosen a pretty much, in my opinion, useless generic major, unlikely to produce much success. OK, she’s an adult, and it’s her choice. When speaking with her, I don’t talk it down, but I am less than enthusiastic about her endeavors.
She’s also all about enjoying the “college experience” and having fun on campus. OK, her life. She’s 19 and legally an adult. Lately, contact with her has been minimal despite our best efforts. She ignores calls and texts.
She called me last weekend and said she wanted to talk about the house issue. I told her that ship had sailed, as I no longer owned it. She said she understood that but asked if I was willing to give it to her if she lived there during college, shouldn’t that mean the offer was still good even if she went to college elsewhere?
She continued, saying that I didn’t have the expense of maintaining it for those four years, and the money invested was generating returns for me. She isn’t interested in any part of that—just the principal amount from the sale, minus any expenses incurred in selling it. She said that seemed fair to everyone.
I laughed and said I’d give her points for creativity, but the offer was very specific and had been effectively turned down. We’ll still ensure she (hopefully) graduates debt-free (though I have serious doubts), but she’s not getting a half-million-dollar check in her graduation card. My wife and I have discussed it and agree. My wife also told me it’s part of my inheritance and my decision to make, but she thinks the initial offer was quite generous. So, AITA?
Here are the top rated comments:
Wingnut2029 says:
NTA. Sounds like she has been treating you like an ATM. You ensuring that she graduates debt free is more than generous. She doesn't seem very grateful. You gave her very generous terms to get the house. She chose not to accept your terms.
I read all these posts where kids are told their Uni will be fully covered, choose not to go, then expect the parents to fund their extravagant wedding/honeymoon/buy them a house, etc. You offer money for one thing, and they think that becomes their money to use as they wish. One of mine is the same. Only contacts me for money.
Old-Awareness292 says:
NTA. Daughter has quite a bit of growing up to do and it sounds like she is, despite her obvious advantages, going to find it painful.
Orange_Queen says:
It was for a house, not the value of a house. She's made her decision.
AgrivatorOfWisdom says:
NTA an offer declined does not infer some other dreamed up offer exists, you would be doing your kid a disservice to even consider this, it isn't how the world works.