Woman refuses to share family recipes with ex's affair partner; 'you already took him.' AITA?
"AITA for not giving my ex’s GF (AP) my recipes?"
ThrowRA_Ambitiousy
This sounds petty but I think I’m not in the wrong here. I (29F) dated Joe (30M) for 4 years from age 19-22. He cheated on me with Amy (29F) who was a friend of mine in college.
I found out when she showed up at our place disheveled and asked for Joe to tell him she was pregnant. Stuff went down and I left and our friend group kicked them out. I’m now married to the love of my life, Max (33M).
When I was seeing Joe, I was very close to his mom and would cook together during holidays. I’d make all sorts of dishes and desserts from my home country that they liked and I loveee baking, I learnt how to make certain European desserts and used my knowledge to make it better.
A couple of months ago, I got an email from Amy; “Hi girl, long time no see. I hope you’re doing well. I talked to (joe’s mom) and she said you got married a couple of years ago! Congratulations! Listen I know we had some bad history but since a lot of time went by and we’ve both moved on I thought maybe we could get in contact with each other again.
Actually, I’ve always loved your cooking I think it’s the (she listed 3 dishes and a dessert). I would love it if you would share the recipe for that. Good things need to be shared right? Hope to hear from you”
I don’t recall ever making that dessert for her since I make it only once a year and for family only. I remember Joe loved it and the other 3 dishes too, one of it being his mom’s fav as well.
I had a feeling she was asking to make it for them. I felt petty and arrogant at that time and didn’t want to share it. I love sharing everything and anything about food but not with a foul person like that and one that doesn’t even know my culture in that way.
I replied saying I’m not giving the recipe since it’s a family recipe and it’s very technical that I’m not going to spend the time writing the instructions (it’s very hard to make). The ingredients are hard to get in the US, I get mine when relatives visit or when my mom travels back home (stuff like fresh pandan, palm sugar and ginger torch).
Her reply “I guess you are still stuck in the past and still in love with Joe if you’re not willing to share the damn recipes then. I don’t know how your husband will react to that.” My husband and I had a good laugh at that and I never replied.
A college friend of mine called me on my birthday some days ago to catch up and she shared that Joe and Amy aren’t doing so well because Amy thinks Joe is hung up on me so thats why he hasn’t popped the question.
She said that Joe missed me and my food. When Amy asked for them, it was because Joe had asked her to make it for him because he thinks she is a bad homemaker and he’s bored.
They have 2 or 3 kids I think. Apparently his mom doesn’t like her that much but is nice enough so she has access to the kids. My friends said “I hear divorce bells”. I feel kind of bad now, but I think the problem is bigger than not cooking dishes he liked, so I don’t think I’m to blame.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Voidg
NTA. You are not obligated to share a recipe with her. I chuckled at.
"Good things need to be shared right? Hope to hear from you”
I wish you had said, "not boyfriends."
ThrowRA_Ambitiousy (OP)
I love this omg what I’d do to turn back time and say this.
Apart-Ad-6518
NTA one bit.
"Listen I know we had some bad history."
So she understates that in reality she betrayed you in the worst way possible. And doesn't even have the bare minimum decency to apologize.
She's also a blatant user.
"I feel kind of bad now but I think the problem is bigger than not cooking dishes he liked so I don’t think I’m not to blame."
Please don't feel any kind of bad for even one fleeting second. Whatever the problem is, it isn't yours. Block her & let her disappear back out of your life. Glad you're happy now.
ThrowRA_Ambitiousy (OP)
Thank you. I needed the assurance.
anitarielleliphe
DO NOT FEEL BAD . . . EVER. They both lied to you and betrayed you, and are selfish, selfish people. She calls you out of the blue with the justification that she wants to get back in touch with you after time has passed, hoping her betrayal is water under the bridge at this point.
However, that is not the truth. It is yet another lie. She is just wanting your recipe. Do NOT give it to anyone . . . even another mutual friend. It is enough to say that it is a family recipe that you do not share.
Never respond to another text from her again. Her hateful response and her past actions demonstrate that she has no integrity, low morality, a lack of self-awareness, and utter disregard for the thoughts and feelings of other people.
Though you are the opposite to that it is not your responsibility to do anything she requests, and her personal life, at this point, has nothing to do with you. If her marriage is failing it is entirely due to their combined lack of character, bad choices and selfishness and not even remotely associated to her failing to make your dessert.
fp204
Ooh…Now you have this SE Asian very curious! What food did you make using pandan, palm sugar, and torch ginger that your ex’s family remember to this day? Not surprised though, SEA food is the best. 😋