Netherlands student blasted in neighborhood chat for declining children's candy request outside traditional hours. AITA?
"AITA for not giving the neighbors kids candy?"
thoughtfulfirebouqet
I, 21f, live with my parents in the Netherlands. Here we have a tradition on November 11 called Sint Maarten. It's where kids make their own lanterns, go door to door, sing songs for candy. Kinda like trick or treating.
In my neighborhood we have the rule that the kids (and their parents) can only come to the door for candy between 6 and 7pm. No sooner and no later. It's also a rule that the houses who participate, need to have a candle outside next to the door. No candle means no songs/candy.
Now we have new neighbors (they moved here 6 months ago, but this is the first time they participated here), with 4 kids between 9ish and 15ish so of course they were welcome to participate.
Now I was home alone during Sint Maarten, because my parents were with my aunt, who's really sick. I was really busy with my projects for college, but between 6 and 7pm I happily put a candle next to the door and prepared a bowl of candy.
Many kids came to sing songs and it was adorable. At 7pm I blew out the candle, grabbed the rest of the candy to snack on (there were 3 pieces left) and went back to my projects (I had a deadline that evening).
Around 9pm the bell rang. I opened the door and there were the new neighbors. The kids immediately started singing songs. I didn't know what to do and when they were done I politely told them that the planned hour for Sint Maarten was already over.
The mom said that they couldn't participate then, because she absolutely couldn't miss her tv show and her husband was grocery shopping. Now I'd like to point out that we have a group chat with all the adults in the neighborhood and each year the rules are repeated. These new neighbors are also in this chat.
I told them that it wasn't my fault that they had other priorities and that I didn't have a candle outside. The mom told me that because I had the decorative lights above the front door on, they assumed that I was still participating. I explained the rules again and told them that it had to be a candle outside the door to prevent confusion.
She asked me if I was really going to deny her kids candy after they sang me a song. I told them that we didn't have anything left and she got even more mad. I pointed out that even if I had any left, I wouldn't have had enough for all her kids.
She demanded that I go find candy for her kids, when I told her that the best that I could do was some fruit, she scoffed and said that I had ruined Sint Maarten for her kids. The kids started whining for candy and the mom told them that I didn’t have any for them.
In the meantime it was almost 9:30, my deadline was for 11 and I still had a lot to do. I was tired, stressed and had a headache, so I was grumpy. I still tried to be as polite as possible and told them that I had to get back to my project.
The next day there was a message in the group chat from the mom saying that her kids were disappointed that they couldn't participate and that she expected better from a neighborhood with so many kids. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
yukidaviji
NTA. You had nothing to give them and they knew the rules. They decided TV was more important than participating in the event. The kids disappointment is on the parents. Not you. You followed the rules, and they didn’t even want to take your very generous offer of fruit when you should have offered nothing since the event was over.
Tangerine_Bouquet
NTA. She showed up two hours late. She went to a house without a candle. Even someone who had wanted to give candy could easily have been out of candy by then. However, next time don't answer the door at all after blowing out the candle. You had something else to do!
Fartin_Scorsese
Couldn't miss her TV show?? That era ended at least 30 years ago, but even so, what a shitty excuse. The mom is just projecting her own incompetence, and is desperately trying to save face with her kids by putting the blame on everyone else.
"Sorry kids! I had to stare at the TV for an hour, specifically the hour that I already knew was reserved for this holiday's traditions, but I'm used to getting my way, so..." NTA.
tinyd71
The mother's message to the group chat was passive-aggressive. She had access to the "rules" of the event, but didn't let her kids participate at the identified time. That's not on you. NTA.
Lazy-Discussion-1439
NTA. You followed the agreed neighborhood rules, had a clear sign with the candle, and even offered fruit when they showed up late. It’s not fair for her to ignore the rules and expect you to drop everything just for them. Sounds like she was just unprepared and taking it out on you.
Aromatic_Recipe1749
NTA. Please, please, please go to the group chat and inform everyone that they showed up at your house at 9:00 because mom was too busy watching her TV show. She wasn’t just a little bit late, 2 hours past slot time is absurd.
She is the only person who is to blame for her kids missing out. She’s obnoxious and entitled. You are a bit of an AH for engaging with her. Why argue? For that matter, why even answer the door at 9:00??