"AITA for not giving up my grandma's name?"
I (46)F have 3 kids. Edgar (26M) Lucy (22)F and James (19M). Lucy is pregnant with her first child. I am over the moon as she is giving me my first granddaughter (Edgar has 2 sons). My grandsons call me ‘Meemaw’, and have their entire lives. I chose Meemaw because my mom was a Meemaw to my children, and so was my grandma to me. It is a very special name to me and I cherish it deeply.
However my daughter’s boyfriend, Roger (24M) mom, Sarah (56) also likes the name…because of the show Young Sheldon. Sarah has expressed her love for the show, and how she’d love to be just like Sheldon’s Meemaw. She has been dropping not so subtle hints she’d like to be called Meemaw since we found out my daughter was pregnant.
Like “asking” the baby if she wants to call her Meemaw. On Friday morning, she called me and invited me out to lunch. I said yes because I enjoy her company for the most part and had no plans. When we got to the restaurant we were talking about anything and everything but the baby. We ordered and the topic of the baby didn’t come up until our food came out.
In the middle of me taking a bite she muttered under her breath “give up being meemaw.” I was confused, and thought I misheard her and asked her to repeat. and she said “You have 3 kids, you will have multiple chances to be a grandma. I only have one kid to have grandkids from and I want to be Meemaw to them."
I was shocked. I did not wanna give up the name especially because of how sentimental it was to me. After sitting in shock for a moment i responded “My two grandsons already call Meemaw, it’s too late to change it.”
I tried to laugh it off but she she stayed stone cold and said “They don’t have to call you anything else, I just want Roger and Lucy’s baby to call you something else.” I then sit in silence again, not wanting to fight with her. she then followed up with a “so…” to which I responded:
“The name Meemaw goes back to my great grandmother and I have a lot of sentimental value behind the name, you can be Meemaw too but im not changing it."
She rolled her eyes, then responded “I’m not sharing the name, it will be confusing for the baby” to which I stood up and said:
“Then I guess you’re gonna be looking for another name” then I slammed $20 in cash on the table and walked out. I’ve been getting messages like crazy all weekend from my future son-in-law's side of the family, ranging from nicely asking to reconsider to calling me selfish for not giving the name up.
My daughter is on my side, but it’s caused a big argument between her and her boyfriend and now she’s staying with me for the time being. I’m starting to think i’m the AH , and for the sake of peace just letting it go, but what do you guys think?
Not long after posting, OP added these edits.
EDIT 1: After receiving a few comments I thought I’d give context as to why my daughter is now at my house instead of with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a major momma’s boy, he agrees with everything that woman says which has been extremely difficult for my daughter to deal with since the beginning of their relationship.
Since my daughter was not taking Sarah’s side on this situation she decided to come stay with us until Roger (in her words, not mine) “chills the eff out.” I also realized I referred to him and his family as “future in laws.”
I say this because right before my daughter got pregnant he had asked for our blessing to propose, but since has decided not to until after the baby is here. Thanks for the support and input and I will talk to my daughter, and husband and decide how we will move on from here!
Soon after, OP shared yet another update.
Update: Hi guys! Sorry for the late-ish update. I wanted to wait until I could sit and write this with no interruptions. As much as I wanted this situation to end, it has not. I invited Roger, Sarah & Dave over for dinner. However it was just Roger & Sarah (not sure why Dave wasn’t there but it’s okay). [Editor's Note: OP never previously mentioned D (or Dave), but I'm assuming it's S's (or Sarah) husband, FFIL]
When I let them in there was no time wasted before a screaming match between Roger & my daughter broke out. My husband and my youngest son split them apart. Having my daughter in the living room while R was taken to the garage.
After that fire was put out Sarah finally spoke up. “All of this because you can’t let go of being Meemaw?” she said.
“I told you at the restaurant we could both be Meemaw, why are you acting like there can only be one?” I had asked.
“I want a special name with my grandchildren, and I want it to be Meemaw” she said cutting me off. “You are extremely entitled. You purposely cause drama every time you feel Roger is drifting from you, you need to constantly be the center of attention no matter what.” I said.
A few more things were said (that I honestly don’t remember) but at this point she had started crying. My heart broke for her. I am not a mean person, i’ve never purposely upset anyone and the fact I made her cry broke my heart. I went to comfort her; but she screamed at me to get away from her.
She then got up, grabbed her keys and left.I had assumed Roger left with her, but he didn’t. He was in the garage with my husband until around 8 or so (they came over around 7) and when they both came back in, Roger went to speak to my daughter. I’m not sure what was said but my daughter left with him.
As much as I want to let this go, I can’t. Anytime any drama happens with her, it’s always during a huge milestone with our children's relationship. When they moved out of our homes and moved in together Sarah made Roger give her a house key and would constantly barge in unannounced.
On a particular evening she saw something she shouldn’t have…then made a big deal about it. I just wish this pettiness would end. After reading so many of the comments I’ve realized it has absolutely nothing to do with the name. She just wants control over her son, and now our granddaughter.
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
IamIrene wrote:
"In the middle of me taking a bite she muttered under her breath “give up being meemaw.'"
That's...wow. Is there a mafia connection somewhere here? LMAO!
"calling me selfish for not giving the name up."
Nothing but projection here. They want to usurp a name that has familial history and current usage on your side. Sounds to me like Sarah just wants what you have and she's trying to bully you into it.
You are NTA here.
Maybe suggest Mimi as her name...since she seems to be all about herself.
ETA: OP, your update is pure fire!
I know it was hard for Sarah to hear what you had to say but she needed to hear it. You called her out on her very unreasonable and entitled behavior and you recognized the fact that this isn't actually about a name.
It's about Sarah and her incessant need to control her son and demand say where it's completely inappropriate to even ask for it. Truth hurts. I just hope she can learn from it and become a better person.
OP responded:
LOL my husband thought it was mafia-ish too! ?, Mimi is really cute when there is a discussion on it I’ll be sure to mention it to her.
RoyallyOakie wrote:
NTA. You can both be Meemaw. I called both of my grandmother's the same thing with their last name attached. Nobody owns the title.
Boring_Guidance_4472 wrote:
Exactly this! Meemaw Suzie and Meemaw Doris. Get shirts made. Plenty of Meemawing to go around!
celticmusebooks wrote:
Wait, she and the baby's father are now living apart over "meemaw?"
Are concerned that your daughter and her boyfriend are living separately over something so silly. That's the really concerning part of this story.
OldGmaw2023 wrote:
Umm what is the problem exactly - two women can't both be meemaw ?? I had a meemaw 'smith' & a meemaw 'brown' > fake last names .. my grand calls me meemaw first name. She needs to grow up , and this won't be the first issue...because she's saying her grands have to be all her firsts.
She will be mad every time you give them a gift she was thinking of giving. If he's putting off proposing until after the baby is born. I'd bet money that mom is wanting him to take a blood test to be sure baby is 'really his' before getting married...red flags all over this one
OP responded:
I had never thought about the last part that way! It makes so much sense to me so I will bring it up to my husband, since my daughter doesn’t know about the whole engagement thing. Thank you!
Two days later, OP shared an update.
Hi to anyone who sees this! I am unable to edit my original post so I am posting directly to my account. Yesterday was a hectic day to say the very least. My phone was continuously buzzing, the har-ssment from my future in-laws + family friends was intense.
However from what I understand is Sarah has completely fabricated the story to everyone. Roger & Lucy came over yesterday, where Roger had apologized to me. He had told me that Sarah said that I was “extremely rude and that I had told her that the name Meemaw was mine, and I wouldn’t share it.”
Which is why Roger & Lucy were fighting in the first place. Clearly that was not the case. I decided after that to send a large group text to everyone who had been constantly har-ssing me explaining the TRUE situation. As expected not many people were on my side, and those that were on my side privately messaged me (I assume in fear of being outcasted from the family).
I have had absolutely no contact with Sarah since Monday. My daughter is due in the middle of August so I really hope this has ended by then, but knowing Sarah it might not. I will continue to update on this post periodically if anything new happens, which to be honest I don't see anything either important enough.
Or interesting enough to happen until closer to the baby’s due date. On a different note, there is almost 700 comments on my original post and as much as I would love to go through each one, I can’t. If there was a question I missed please post them under here so it will be easier to see, Thank you!
Later OP added these edits:
EDIT: Hey guys! Completely forgot i posted about this, but my post has resurfaced and I’ve been getting notifications all day lol. Not much has happened unfortunately for you guys (very fortunate for me though).
My daughter is getting closer and closer to her due date, which I’ve been putting all my focus on. I’m assuming once she gives birth the problem will resurface again, I will update once again when something happens ~ MeeMaw ?
EDIT 2: Hey guys! My daughter gave birth yesterday to my beautiful granddaughter, M! As expected the topic came back up when S was allowed in the hospital room. When she entered the room my heart dropped, in fear at her next step but the absolute last thing i expected to happened, happened. As she got closer to M, she said “Hi baby girl, it’s your NaNa here”.
So yeah, the issue is now over, I’m MeeMaw and she’s NaNa. I’m not sure where the change of heart came from, and i’m not gonna push it. I’m just so happy to be a MeeMaw once again. This is probably the last time i’ll update this post, thank you everyone ❤️.
The commenters had a lot to say.
mskrabapel wrote:
I would even hesitate to give the baby his last name at this point. The only worse than breaking up with a Momma’s boy is divorcing one.
Which_Anteater_3509 wrote:
My family shared titles. It was a bit different. My mom's parents I just called mamaw and papaw. On my dad's side I called my grandma mamaw may (her name) there was obviously no confusion.
FoxPawsFauxPaus wrote:
NTA. She is trying to find any reason to cause drama so her precious baby boy isn't taken away from her. She is the one causing drama and issues and he isn't helping by not supporting his SO and mother of his child. He either needs to step up or this is going to be an issue for the rest of your daughter's life of him choosing his mommy over everyone else. Good luck!
umadhatter_ wrote:
You’re correct, plenty of grandparents share titles. There is nothing wrong with it. Hopefully S will calm down but probably not. This seems like it will always be a thing. I foresee arguments about who gets which holidays, first trips(zoo, theme parks), etc. (Exp. You already had a first Christmas with your other grandkids, you can let me have this.) Good luck.