Woman struggles with decision to attend sister’s wedding after exclusion; 'I don't know if she even likes me.' AITA?
"AITA for not going to my sister's wedding?"
I (27F) have a younger sister (26F), who I'll call V. V is my only blood related sibling. V got engaged on new years eve this year. V will be having a smallish destination wedding in the Dominican Republic in March or May of 2026, and then a celebration type thing (not a 2nd wedding ceremony) more locally a couple months later.
V came to see me around Valentine's weekend while she was in town (she lives a few hours away), and while she was there we talked about her wedding a little bit and such. I asked when she was going to ask people to be bridesmaids/bridal party, to which she said she already did.
This surprised me. So, I asked, "wait, you don't want me to be one of your bridesmaids?" V said (paraphrased) "the bridal party is already full, I didn't think you'd want to be one, we have never been super close, you don't really have anything in common with my friends," etc.
All of this kind of hurt me, especially with how things were for me with growing up (if interested I can include that in comments or an update, as it plays into this story and why I'm hurt by this).
I then asked if our (technically ex) stepsister (I'll call C) was one of them. She said yes. This made the fact that she didn't want me in her party hurt even more. For context; C is our [ex] older stepsister.
C and I never got along super well growing up. She thought me annoying, never really tried to connect with me, etc and favored my sister as we grew up. I don't know if she even likes(d) me at all to be honest, which also hurts.
When C got married (now divorced) and had her wedding (which was scheduled the same day as my prom) she asked my sister to be a bridesmaid. She later asked me if I wanted to be an usher, but only because our parents thought she should include me in the wedding somehow.
I declined and decided to go to my prom instead, even though I didn't really have any friends or a date. I at least thought it better than a pity invite to a wedding I wasn't even really wanted at.
Anyway, hearing this made me feel really hurt. I know we had typical sibling spats and stuff growing up and had different interests and personalities, but we're still sisters and we still love[d] each other, and we get along better now that we're both adults.
I guess I just kind of thought that, since V and I are each other's only full and related sibling, that we'd at least be bridesmaids in each other's weddings one day. I always imagined us being in each other's wedding parties and wedding photos, and looking at them when we were old.
And I thought were were close enough or meant enough to each other to want each other to be bridesmaids some day. Even though we squabbled sometimes, we still had each other's back usually.
With how things were growing up, this just hurts me incredibly. I get that it's her wedding and her choice, and supposedly she wants to invite me as guest and wants me to be there, but after this, I'm really heavily thinking about not going at all. Am I the AH for not wanting to go to my sister's wedding?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I was ready to go Y T A because opting out of your sister's wedding is a pretty nuclear move in my eyes, it feels like an escalation stemming from hurt pride or ego or jealousy, and it's a punishment to you as much as it is to her.
But... while I do still think those things are true, in my eyes YWNBTA if you end up skipping it. What it comes down to, for me, is that you should not shell out hundreds or likely thousands of dollars to go support an event feeling this hurt, or to support the person who hurt you so much. Perhaps, given the history you mention, this is more like the final straw that breaks the camel's back.
Agree with this. It isn’t about tit-for-tat but acknowledging that you might not want to spend time and money to go to an event where you aren’t really wanted and where your feelings will be hurt. You can always attend the local event.
YTA. You're not close to your sister. You don't even seem to like your sister. If you weren't related, there would be absolutely no reason she'd ask you. That said, it is 100% her decision as to who is there at her wedding standing up there to support her. YTA for saying "if I'm not a bridesmaid, I'm not going" to try to force your sister to do what you want her to do.
I’d go with NAH, TBH? V’s allowed to not include you in her wedding party for whatever reason and you’re allowed to not want to go for whatever reason. ?♀️ Neither of you have actually made any commitments to one another, at this stage. Neither one has technically let the other down. Wait until the invitations come out, sit on it for a beat, and see how you want to RSVP within that time limit.
You might mellow once the initial sting has worn off. BE hurt, that’s okay. But V is not the bad guy, either. Not with the current context. If you use your hurt to guilt her or make her sound bad to other people within your family / support network, that would make YOU the AH. It’s sucks. I’m sorry. But you’ll be okay. Promise.
"since V and I are are each other’s only full and related sibling"
Honestly, irrelevant and if that’s the only reason you think you should be in the wedding party, it’s not enough.
I N F O: what is your relationship like, today? You’re not close, and you don’t like her friends. What reason besides being related, should she consider you for? YWBTA for passive aggressively skipping another sisters wedding out of spite and jealousy.
VulcanSub4 (OP)
It's not the only reason. I really love my sister, and in our adulthood, I'd thought we'd grown closer too. We dish about our parents and family and things going on in our lives whenever we see each other, and growing up, we may have had some differences, but she even defended me sometimes when certain family members didn't treat me the best.
Because of all the stuff we've been through together, idk, I guess I just really hoped it was something we'd be a part of for each other. And I never said I didn't like her friends. Her reasoning there was that she thinks I wouldn't get along with them because I'm not like her friends or have her friends interests.