'AITA for not having a wheelchair accessible wedding? My brother is angry.'

"AITAH for not having a wheelchair accessible wedding?"

My (25 F) fiancé and I (22 F) are getting married in October. My future MIL is a plant freak and their entire property looks like something out of a garden magazine.

Cobblestone paths, fountains, statues, shaped bushes and some of the most beautiful plants and trees I’ve ever seen. Including willow and cherry blossom trees. We’re getting married in the middle of a meadow towards the center of their property and it’s going to be gorgeous.

My brother Justin has been dating Sarah for six years and they got engaged a few months ago. I’m not close with Sarah because they live across the state and only come down here for holidays and events. Sarah uses a prosthetic leg and apparently lately it’s been getting to be too much for her so she’s been using a wheelchair.

He texted me asking if the property was wheelchair accessible and I said I didn’t know and would let him know what I found out. There aren’t any stairs but the property has different sections with grass, cobblestone, gravel, and dirt and since I don’t use a wheelchair I don’t know how well they are at getting around in terrain like that.

We went over to my in-laws to go over the ceremony and reception space and see how difficult it might be for Sarah. I texted my brother to let him know about the terrain. He asked if the reception was in the house and I said no, we were having a tent set up.

He asked if we were putting that party tent flooring down and I said no. We looked in to it but it was out of our budget and everything will look nicer in the grass anyways. He asked if we would have one set up anyways because the grass would be too hard for Sarah to wheel over and I apologized and told him it was out of our budget by thousands.

He told me that if we wouldn’t do that Sarah couldn’t come and we’d be excluding her. I said that it was unfortunate and if that was the case we’d miss her at our wedding. He called me ableist and discriminatory and said that if we wouldn’t accommodate her then he wouldn’t come to our wedding either.

Not even an hour later I got a text from my mom saying that I was being mean to my brother and Sarah and that it wouldn’t be a good look for me if I “decided not to do such a simple thing."

She told me that I could handle renting one of those tent patios since we didn’t pay for a venue and DIYd a lot of our wedding. I said I was sorry and gave my reasoning again. She told me that if we excluded Sarah they’d pull their contribution to our wedding.

I’m not sure how exactly since they paid for our dresses and those were paid for weeks ago. I told her that if her and my brother wanted to foot the but that I’d be more than happy to speak to my MIL about having one put down. She said no. Her and dad are retired and Justin has his own wedding to pay for. I feel bad for excluding Sarah but I’m not sure what else I can do. AITAH?

Not long after posting, OP shared a few updates/edits.

Edit to add info. Sarah has used a prosthetic since she’s been with my brother BUT this is the first and only time they’ve mentioned her being in a wheelchair.

We sent out save the dates with my MIL's address as the venue about 8 months ago and 2 months ago sent out formal invitations with more information regarding her property (parking, outdoors, length of walk to ceremony etc) and I hadn’t heard anything from my brother or Sarah besides a returned RSVP for yes.

Edit 2. The quotes we were given for something that we were sure wouldn’t harm my MILS lawn was about $6,000 to $9,000 to rent for the evening. Our budget was $15,000 and we are already at the top end of it.

Edit 3. The reason I didn’t suggest or look into a different kind of chair or scooter was because I just figured that that was something Sarah and Justin would have looked into themselves since they were the ones needing it.

I figured since they jumped right to a $9,000 solution at my pocket that the other options wouldn’t work for them and they were bringing up the last available option. Also my fiancés grandma is wheelchair bound as well but has been to my MILs house plenty of times and it hasn’t come up as an issue.

And for everyone upset about us getting married in grass and that people will struggle with their heels, I said in my post that in our invitations we had information about my MIL's property. I’m sure people will dress accordingly considering they’re aware of the venue. Not sure why people are mad about that.

The comments quickly came in.

Slayerofdrums wrote:

I would look into hiring a wheelchair that can do the rough terrain. We had a friend in a wheelchair that we took to the beach many times, and we would rent a special beach wheelchair for that. There are options to solve this, that are also affordable.

Turbulent_Break_1862 wrote:

NTA. Most wheelchairs will be fine in grass and yes gravel sucks but a wheelchair can go through that too. She probably can’t wheel herself around, but she sure can be pushed around in grass. She can also use her prosthetic leg and have dedicated chairs around so she doesn’t need to stand or walk for long.

I have plenty off experiences with wheelchairs and as it happens, with prosthetic legs. Sarah is being difficult and refuses to compromise. It’s a huge shame your mom won’t see this; she is being used to bully you to spend thousands on adjustments for Sarah’s comfort. It’s almost as if Sarah wants you to exclude her and to get herself tons of attention and sympathy at your cost.

ArtShapiro wrote:

NTA. As one who pushed his (late) wheelchair-bound wife for many hundreds of miles, I think I can present a valid opinion. A normal wheelchair, not a "transport" chair with all small wheels, can be pushed on grassy surfaces with some effort if, of course, the terrain isn't super muddy and soft.

And a gravel path shouldn't be that big a deal either. If we're not talking huge distances on the grass, this shouldn't be more than an inconvenience.

JeepersCreeprs74 wrote:

NTA as your mom is being an AH for threatening to withdraw funding when this was just sprung on you. Ordering a dance floor for your wedding for one guest is not a "simple thing." Figuring out how to transport the wheelchair user to the wedding area with their consent (and dignity intact) is.

We have a wheelchair user in my family and the solution is generally for them to be carried in the wheelchair by several brawny guests to the activity area. If the property is so large that this is not feasible, then perhaps your MIL has a golf cart or UTV that could be used to assist Sarah?