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Divorced dad tells GF of 5 months, 'if you loved me, you would support me financially.' AITA?

Divorced dad tells GF of 5 months, 'if you loved me, you would support me financially.' AITA?

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"AITA for not helping my boyfriend financially?"

Lucky_Struggle2082

Hi. I am extremely confused about this and had been debating for days whether to post it here. I am 32 F and my boyfriend is 31 M. I work in finance and make pretty good money.

I live alone in my house that I own, drive a 2 year old car, and takes multiple vacations and trips every year. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship.

My boyfriend is divorced with 3 kids. They live with their mom full time cause he has no house. I have never met them and intend to keep it that way. Though he has a decent job, the kids' mom won't or can't work and major chunk of his salary goes to alimony and child support. He shares a rented apartment with a friend.

When we started dating, I knew he had way less money to spend. I just liked his company so I paid for the dates. Lately though he has been getting on my case about how much I spend.

I normally just laugh off the comments cause I know he is straining financially. But last week when I invited him over a trip to Europe this summer, just for two weeks and he got mad at me.

He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track. I was taken aback and told him I am not his bank. He said it's not about being bank but it was how I lacked basic empathy.

That I knew he had no funds to even takes his kids out for a proper day out, no place to stay with them overnight and yet I never offered to help. That all I do is spend money on stupid selfish things.

I asked him to leave. He left. Afterwards he did call me and apologize profusely saying he was upset cause he had seen his kids that day and they said something like he hated them cause he won't take them out.

He was just frustrated with his situation and then I offered to take him on an international trip. I got where he was coming from and has accepted the apology. But this still bugs me. AITA for not helping my boyfriend financially?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

anitarielleliphe

Run away from this guy, even though you say you never intend to have anything more than a casual relationship. There are so, so many red flags, including:

You have ONLY been dating casually for 5 months, and he feels entitled to your money, and upset that you are not providing a roof over his head. You have already been way too generous by paying for dates and offering to take him on a trip and pay for it. DO NOT.

A relationship that starts out so unequal in these types of dynamics will not last and if any type of betrayal happens, you will lament wasting your money as you have. He is judging you on how you spend the money you earn . . . RUN AWAY FROM A MAN LIKE THIS.

For a 31 year old man with three children and a failed marriage, and in financial problems because at least 50% of the decisions in the implosion of that union, to judge how you spend your money, when you have made much more sound, mature choices in life, is a giant, red flag that the astronauts on the international space station can see right now.

tinyd71

You've been dating someone casually for five months. It's far too early in a relationship to have the sort of financial dynamic he's suggested he wants, and spending your own money on things you want is not "selfish". NTA for not becoming his bank machine.

demon803

NTA, he got himself into the situation, it is not now, nor will it ever be your responsibility to take care of his alimony ad child support. You are not his bank, and it sounds like he just want to use you for your money.

fckinsleepless

NTA and I’m betting he’s relying on the idea that he moves in with you. Additionally If you don’t intend to meet his kids, you should split, because wherever he lives he will also have his kids over.

SushiGuacDNA

NTA. The boyfriend shouldn't be expecting a five-month girlfriend to be covering finances for his kids! Yes, he has worked himself into a bad financial situation. Yes you have worked yourself into an excellent financial situation. That doesn't mean, after five months, that you should be supporting him!

He should be taking it as a treat that you pay for dates and offer to pay for a trip. What a treat for him, if he would accept it that way. But no, he's wanting to take your money and cover his needs with it. "How dare you buy a nice treat for yourself.

Can you imagine what a nice treat that would have bought for my kids?" WTF?!! You said you weren't looking for anything long-term. I think that's the right approach with this man. Hopefully he is meeting your short term needs...

Zia-C

NTA. You’re not selfish for spending your money however you like and his kids are not your responsibility, especially since you want to keep the relationship casual. But why are you with him if you don’t see a future together? It seems like you two aren’t compatible. He comes attached with 3 kids that you have no desire to meet.

teresajs

NTA. It's too early in this casual relationship for you to be paying for a two week holiday for him, not to mention for him to expect you to invite him to live with you. You aren't interested in ever meeting his kids, and he's looking for someone to support him and his kids. The two of you aren't compatible for any long term relationship. Just break things off now.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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