"AITA for not including my SIL in expensive gifts?"
My wife and I normally give our mother's and sister's (one on each side) a piece of jewelry as a gift for Christmas. I'm close to my younger unmarried sister and I enjoy getting her the jewelry.
My brother got married this year and my family chipped in to pay for his wife's bridal jewelry. It was an expensive pearl and diamond set. I wasn't planning to get her anything else other than a few small things for Christmas after that.
At Thanksgiving, she announced she would like rubies or a red stone for Christmas. My mom, mil, and my wife's sister have never made demands on stone or anything. My wife and I decided my new SIL isn't getting any jewelry after that even if it’s $5 worth.
Things went from bad to worse when my brother stopped by to inspect the jewelry because his wife wanted something more colorful than pearls and she wanted red stone. She was coordinating what outfit she was wearing on Christmas.
My wife left the room after hearing this and my brother and I had an epic screaming match over his wife and us getting her a purse instead of jewelry. I decided at that point “f--k that”and my brother and his wife are now getting nothing because who acts like this?
I told my brother to start the tradition of getting his wife jewelry for Christmas and he needs to start with rubies. My brother said he can’t afford it after the wedding and his wife is now my sister and I’m being petty ahole.
After the fight, my brother and SIL aren’t going to my parent’s Christmas because of me. My mom said she’s sad but she can’t force me to buy my SIL gifts. My SIL now says that all of my side of the family hates her and that’s why we don’t buy her expensive gifts. My brother says he will never speak to me again if I don’t apologize but at this point, I’m considering that the best Christmas gift of all.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this:
FireBallXLV said:
Your brother thought he could hop on an established Christmas tradition and get out of paying for an expensive gift for his wife .You torpedoed that idea and he needs someone to blame.
I get the hint that you may be in a Community where Families do give expensive jewelry as gifts since you mention the Family buying “ Bridal jewelry “ .Is there any precedent for her expectation other than what you did with others before she joined the family?
godspeedbrz said:
NTA - this is bordeline insanity You gift someone, because you want to, because the person will like it and because you fell good about it. But let’s pretend this was actually a formal qui pro quo process. Have your brother ever gifted someone jewelry? Just a curious retorical question.
Edymnion said:
NTA, she got an expensive gift and basically said "It's not good enough, get me something better and more expensive!" and then baulked when you said no? Showed her colors (apparently red), and you should always believe people when they show you who they really are.
You either stop this now, or you're going to be buying her a Hope Diamond every year for the rest of your life.
katbelleinthedark said:
NTA, and congrats on getting the best Xmas gift of all: the gift of silence from entitled brothers and SILs! The tradition is simple: you give your mother and sister jewelry.
Your SIL is not your sister, she's just a stranger who married your brother. If you wanted to gift her shit, it would be nice but she should have never presumed and definitely not demanded specific things.
Crazy_Past6259 said:
NTA she sounds like a craycrayfish...I’ll gift her one of those ring pop sh%t that’s red in color as an apology present. Did your brother ever gift your wife any jewelry?
jrm1102 said:
NTA - this was presumptuous of your SIL and brother. If he wants to hop on this tradition, he can, but it's his wife.
Fuzzy_Biscotti_7959 said:
NTA. You're not forced to buy her anything. If your brother can't afford "real", he can always buy fantasy jewelry, after all SIL said rubies OR a red stone.