'AITA for not inviting my parents to my wedding and anyone from that family?'
"AITA for not inviting my parents to my wedding and anyone from that family?"
Me (27) and my husband (28) are going to get married in January, on his side her entire family is invited, but on mine only my maternal aunt and her husband are going.
When my parents and the rest of my family they found out about this they made a big fuss and they treated me horribly. but I am justified in not wanting them on my special day.
Context: I was the first daughter, granddaughter and niece, I was everyone's darling until the other babies arrived, and when I turned 8 my little sister was born, my grandparents and my mother stopped treating me in a special way.
If my sister broke me whatever they never scolded her but if I said something mean to my sister I was punished, once she even broke my glasses and I was punished. My father, on the other hand, was present for a while but then disappeared. He was constant with the money but not with the visits or calls.
When I turned 11, I was closer to my maternal aunt, who lived miles away from me, than to my uncles, grandparents, and mother who lived in my house. That aunt who is 9 years older than me, she is my mother's half-sister and although she only saw her on Christmas, birthdays and holidays, we talked on the phone twice a day.
When I (12) and she (21). I stayed with her all summer, even though my mom didn't believe my aunt could take care of me, they were the best 2 months of my life. After my vacation I studied more and had a very good behavior at school with the intention that they would let me go to see her again, but everything was ruined when my grades in mathematics began to go down, although I tried hard and my aunt gave me classes and even she paid a tutor my grades didn't improve.
That year my aunt visited me in the middle of the school year and went to see what was happening at school (with my mother), that was when my teacher said that I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION IN CLASS BECAUSE I WAS VERY LOVING WITH A GIRL. My mother and aunt were amazed and asked the teacher why he said that?
The teacher argued that I was a lesbian and that classmate was my girlfriend, and as an institution I could not accept that (it was a religious school) my aunt made a fuss and threatened to sue them for discrimination, but my mother believed the teacher. When they got home, she hit me and exposed me in front of her entire family (I was not a lesbian and that "girlfriend" was a friend.)
My aunt got in the way and confronted my mother It was then that my mother kicked me out of the house and told my aunt if she defended me so much, I should move in with her, because I was a shame to my mother and that I was not going to go through that with the neighbors.
My aunt didn't think twice and took me with her, she called my father and told him about her situation, they both filed a complaint and made it clear that I would stay with her.
My grandmother, who lived with my aunt, also disowned me for supposedly being a lesbian, but my aunt, who owned the house, kicked her out of the house. From that day on, my aunt and her husband (who at that time was just her boyfriend) took care of me like if I were their daughter, when I turned 15 my uncles legally adopted me, they paid for my university and also during all that time they made me go to the psychologist. I must say that all this affected me too much but the love they gave me helped me a lot, for me they are my parents and not my uncles.
Now when my "relatives" found out that I was going to marry a man, they came to apologize to me and I accepted his apology, even so I did not want to continue in contact with them. But they believed that with the apology they were more than invited to my wedding, and two weeks ago my mother and my grandmother came to my dress fitting, I was totally outraged, they had not been invited and I kicked them out of the place, They were outraged and they started insulting me and my husband.
I told them that I didn't want them in my life, that I only excused them for mental health reasons but they were nothing of mine anymore. Despite all that, three days ago one of my dad's cousins called me asking about the dress code and if she accepted children.
I told her that she, like all the members of that family, were not invited, she was outraged and a few minutes later he called me "my father" asking who he was going to turn me in for, I answered that my father (my uncle) would do it and he called me in a thousand ways, I simply cut off the call.
Now am I really that bad? My mom tells me that if I don't want those people at my wedding she supports me, but my mother-in-law says that family is family no matter what has happened.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Puzzled_Use_1541 said:
You are not the bad one, your uncle's deserve to be there, your parents don't, for many reasons they are bad parents, they kicked you out of their life, now they don't deserve to come back.
butterfly-garden said:
NTA. It's YOUR wedding. You and your husband decide who is going to be invited. It sounds to me like you have very compelling reasons for not inviting those family members. However, I would advise you to hire security to kick these people out, because I can almost guarantee you that they'll try to show up.
AdDangerous1243 said:
You are doing the right thing. These people are trash. Sure, they apologized to you, but they STILL feel it was appropriate to disown you and treat you like shit because they're homophobic monsters. If you WERE gay, they would still be treating you that way. They are bad people and they do not deserve your pity, much less your concern. Let them die mad.
Have your aunt send out a blast text to the whole family telling them they are NOT invited, and that there will be security at the venue to prevent anyone without an invite from getting in. They don't get to pretend they view you as family when they have spent years making sure you knew exactly how little they thought of you.
Tell your FMIL that her family is not your family. "No matter what" is an insane thing to say about people who abused you. Make sure she understands that this is a hill you will die on, and that your abusers (make sure you use that word) are not going to be allowed to force their way into your life no matter who they share genes with. If FMIL hasn't experienced abuse, she has no business speaking to your situation.
HEART_BOOK said:
NTA, They are bad people, they despised you when you needed them most, while your aunt, who was only 20 years old, was more mature than all those homophobic adults. Take care and don't let anyone into that marriage. From what I read, your father, although I don't despise you, he wasn't able to take care of you either, so he's also just as despicable.