Husband refuses to invite wife's sister to her birthday party after condescending remarks and treatment of their dog. AITA?
"AITA for not inviting my sister in law to my wife's birthday?"
LordDustinStorm
I (34M) and my wife (29F) have decided not to invite her sister H and her sister’s husband C to my wife’s birthday. H for years has condescended us often giving backhanded comments about my job not being good enough, us not saving money, or other insults in regards to my family during the holidays.
During Mother’s day we visited my wife’s mom and had taken our new puppy to the party to become accustomed to people. This was fine however H’s son, a rowdy 3 year old, was rough with the dog, yanking his fur & leash and even hitting him with a stick at one point. Each time I had to step in and stop the child from harming my dog.
After dinner on the lawn, the nephew went over to begin tormenting the dog. At this point I raised my voice, due to everyone around being loud, and commanded him to stop. This is when H got upset and began screaming saying, “Just move the stupid dog! Just f'ing move it if it’s such a HUGE problem.”
I was mad but I held it together and went to move the dog while my wife argued with H who was saying that she was tired of hearing us telling her kid to stop all day. After this, the nephew immediately went over to the dog again and my wife pointed it out to H who began yelling saying, “Leave the dog alone. They don’t want you near their dog because it’s a little princess.”
I immediately began to pack up our things and the rest of the family went inside as H, C, and my wife and I argued. They began yelling at us that we weren’t allowed to parent their child, that we were choosing the dog over their child, and that they didn’t know why we even bothered visiting the family anymore.
We left and talked things over. I made the decision that I wouldn’t be going to any family functions nor would they be welcome to any of ours until they apologized. My wife agreed. My wife’s birthday is coming up and I had made a FB group to plan it. Nobody gave input so after a talk with my wife we made plans for her birthday that she wanted.
I posted this in the group and her mom contacted me saying she had wanted to do a party near them. I asked my wife what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to do the plans we’d made.
I informed her mother of this and she then asked about why H and C hadn’t been invited to the FB group. I explained to her that, due to their behavior at Mother’s Day, they weren’t invited.
Immediately, they called me and her mother began yelling at me that I wasn’t allowed to not invite H and C because they’re family and I had to forgive them for how they’d acted. I told her that it was our choice to make and that until the situation was rectified they wouldn’t be attending.
She continued to try to argue with me bringing God into the conversation, demanding that I was being controlling and trying to keep my wife from my family, and then breaking down into tears.
In the end, I held my resolve and made sure that they knew that our decision stayed until they reached out to us and apologized.
So am I the AH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
RB1327
NTA on the party invite. But if your wife is in full agreement about how to deal with her sister and family, then why are you in the lead on all this? Let her fight her own corner.
Unalimonagrio
Your wife SHOULD BEHAVE LIKE AN ADULT AND DEFEND HERSELF, it's fine for you to defend her but this whole situation would be over quicker if your wife would put her family in their place instead of using you as a shield. This and future situations can be avoided if SHE LEARNS TO SAY NO!!!!
RoyallyOakie
NTA....Let your wife lay down the law with her mother, so she can see just how much she's on the same page.
Practical-Bird633
So you’re supporting to make your wife unhappy on her own birthday to appease your SIL? NTA.
Special_Respond7372
Nope, NTA. H&C are a-holes, and your wife agrees they shouldn’t be at any family functions. This qualifies. The fact that they immediately called to yell at you just solidifies the decision. They’re acting like children. This is the consequences of their actions and they can deal with it. Tantrums shouldn’t change that.
MaybeitsMe0617
NTA - as a mom of young kids, it's insane to me that a parent wouldn't be on high alert with a new dog around a young kid, they just often don't mix well and getting nipped sucks for kids. I think your supervision underscored their lack of supervision.
OhmsWay-71
NTA. You can not control how others react. Mom is trying to control the situation and simply make it go away. You have had enough. You get to protect you and your family.
ArtShapiro
NTA. What would be gained by inviting her? Nothing but a lot of grief. And your dog is far more important than her unruly brat.
IAmTAAlways
NTA, they can't control their kid so they don't get invited. It'll be a tune they'll hear over and over and over again.