Woman called 'selfish' for refusing to lend wedding dress to SIL; 'It's the last thing I have from my late mom.' AITA?
"AITA for not letting my brother’s wife take my wedding dress?"
Queasy_Ad_3353
Ok so this might be messy but bare with me, im really upset and I dont no what to do. I (29f) got married 3 years ago to my husband (30m). It was the happiest day of my life, and I had this beautiful dress that my mom worked extra hours to help me afford. It’s not designer or anything crazy expensive, but it’s special to me because my mom passed away last year, and now it’s all I have left of her.
My brother “Ryan” (27m) is getting married next month to his gf “Amber” (26f). I’ve never been close with Amber, not because I dont like her or anything, but she’s very... let’s say bold.
She says what she wants, takes what she wants, and doesn’t really think about how it affects other people. Anyway, a couple weeks ago she called me and said she needed to borrow my wedding dress for her wedding.
i was shocked. First of all, we don’t even have the same body type. The dress wouldn’t fit her, and even if it did, I feel like a wedding dress is a personal thing, you know?
I told her no, and explained why the dress was so important to me. I even offered to help her shop for her own dress or lend her money if she needed, but she just said, “I can’t believe how selfish you are” and hung up on me.
now here’s where it gets crazy. Ryan called me the next day saying I’m “ruining Amber’s wedding.” Apparently, she’d already told people she was wearing my dress and even posted pictures of it on Facebook without my permission (I dont even know how she got the photos). When I said no again, Ryan said I was being “petty” and that family should help each other out.
THEN Amber showed up at my house while I was at work. My husband was home, and she tried to convince him to let her “just try it on.” Luckily, he knew the story and told her to leave. But now Ryan’s mad at him too, saying we “ganged up” on Amber.
I’m so tired of this drama. I feel bad because I know weddings are stressful, but I also feel like they’re being unreasonable. Amber’s mom even called me saying I should “do the right thing” and give Amber the dress. AITA for standing my ground?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
HeatedAF
NTA. The entitlement of this woman is astonishing. Stick to your no.
JDaKiss09
NTA, do you have anyone that can store the dress for you? If she just shows up to your house, I wouldn’t put it past her to break in if need be.
Housing99
NTA. That certainly is BOLD of her. No means no and she should be an adult who can hear and understand the word. She’s incredibly entitled to just assume it’s fine before even talking to you about it and then not even asking - but telling - you you’re loaning her your dress? No. She’ll have to figure it out. Lots of wedding dresses are available at resale shops even.
Secret_Sister_Sarah
Holy cow, no. NTA. Your wedding dress is the most personal and romantically charged piece of clothing you own. Nobody has the right to demand it from you, especially not a woman who isn't even a relative.
(Like, I could see a younger sister asking to borrow it, because your mom helped pay for it, and that would be her mom, too... but even then, it would be totally your call and she would have to graciously accept it if the answer is no.)
Telling people she's going to wear it and posting it online before asking is the most classless thing I've seen today. Trying to swindle it out of your husband when you're not home is greasy. Getting your brother to tell you you've ruined her wedding is an A+ example of a narcissist sending a flying monkey. INFO: Was her engagement ring made out of his manhood?
WeatherSalty6842
Forget that witch lol tell her buy her own or tell your brother to buy her one since he’s the one marrying her… forget em both straight up.
Beautiful-Age-1408
I feel like I'm in the twilight zone with so many posts like this. What kind of person believes it's perfectly acceptable to demand their SILTB's wedding dress?? F. F. S.
Your brother and his partner will suck all the joy out of your life if you try to appease Amber. I'm old now, so I tend to get pretty spicy with people like her. But when I was younger and an extreme people pleaser, I would have bent over backwards for Amber. Don't be like me. Start now. I promise you, we all get to an age where we just say "F em".
Your brother should know what your dress means to you, so he's TA too. Don't give in. Do not set yourself on fire to keep them warm.
Oh. NTA.
Few_Throat4510
NTA - you will never see that dress again. Turn everything back on your brother: “I can’t believe family would overstep like this…Family supports one another. I don’t understand why you aren’t supporting my attachment to this dress…it’s so petty that Amber would let a dress come between us…”
Mean_Designer_3690
NTA. Go on your socials and post that there must be a misunderstanding about Amber wearing your dress. Simply say that after your mom's passing, it's the only thing you have of your mother.
No-Raspberry-4437
She is not always going to get away with taking what she wants, let it begin with you. You would never get the dress back, and this is an unheard of request. It is rarely offered to a daughter or close family member, never demanded. Amber is willing to lie and bully to get her way, I would go as low contact as possible.
So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?