'AITA for not letting my caterer take pictures of her work for social media?'

"AITA for not letting my caterer take pictures of her work for social media?"

I recently hosted a milestone birthday at my home, and had a local caterer create a grazing table spread for the celebration. After she set it up, I noticed that she was taking photos of the spread. While I understand why she wanted to promote her work on social media, I didn't feel comfortable with her photos.

Not only was my home pretty visible in the photos, but as part of the table decorations, my husband had set up lots of family photos that were visible between all of the dishes. Due to the layout of the decorations, there was no way the photos could be avoided in any pictures.

I kindly asked her to not take photos, and to her credit she did stop. But there was definitely a lot of tension and and she left quickly in a bit of a huff. A few hours later, she sent me an email saying that taking photos of her work when she was finished was normal, and that she thought I had acted unprofessionally.

She also said that I was impacting her ability to get clients by preventing her from using the photos on social media. I told her that we paid her in full for the work, and she had never discussed taking pictures of the spread. I also explained that her photos clearly captured personal family photos which violated my privacy.

She only responded by saying that it was no different than if someone took a picture of me in a public space. I begged to differ because it's not like a stranger would have burst into the delivery room to take pictures of giving birth to my first daughter!

My friend heard about the exchange (I was venting a little at a dinner with my girlfriends), and she said that she understood where the caterer was coming from, and that her daughter also relies on social media for clients for her business. The table was kind of split, and I guess I wanted an unbiased opinion on whether or not I was being too sensitive about the whole thing. I appreciate any feedback!

Here's what people had to say to OP about this one:

CSurvivor9 said:

NTA. She should have asked first. It was in your home and contained personal items. I do know some places will have lines in their contract about photos for advertising. Check your contract. Without it, she can't.

starry_nite99 said:

NTA. How did you act unprofessional when you’re the customer?? SHE acted unprofessional. You purchased a product- her food. You paid her for the food. It’s not your obligation to help her create marketing content.

If she was a real professional, she would have had something in the contract. That way if you expressed your discomfort prior, she could have taken photos of the food before she got there, or been a bit creative. Instead, she screwed herself by not asking permission and not giving herself time to figure out alternative ways to create marketing content.

Also- taking a pic of you in public is far different than including pictures of your home - inside or out - and pictures of your family. Your friend is an AH too for not having common sense.

OkManufacturer767 said:

NTA. She should have asked. It was your home, not a public place. It's not hurting her business. Being sued for publishing your photos could ruin her business.

Needs_Perspective269 said:

NTA. You paid for a service in your home and photos were not discussed. She could have asked you place your photos on the table after the food went out and protected your privacy.

oliviamrow said:

Look, I get that the hustle is tough out there-- I've been a freelancer. But it is not the client's responsibility to help the businessowner find more clients. You don't owe her any more than what was agreed upon in your contract with the caterer.

In the immortal words of Don Draper, "that's what the money is for!" (It's not impossible to have a clause about using work for future promotional purposes, but I'm assuming she didn't have this.) NTA.

RionaMurchada said:

Going with ESH. The caterer should have asked first, but there was definitely room for compromise. You could have allowed pictures if she showed less of the background (your home) and blurred the people in the photos that were on the table. You could also have even taken the photos off the table for a few seconds while she took her pictures. This is a big ole tempest in a teapot.