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Woman refuses to let the father of her adult children move in, 'he was diagnosed with cancer.' AITA?

Woman refuses to let the father of her adult children move in, 'he was diagnosed with cancer.' AITA?

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"AITA for not letting my children's father live with us?"

My ex-husband and I had 3 children (25F, 23F and 22M). We separated 4 years ago after he said he was tired of seeing my old face every day and wanted to find someone younger (his words to my face when asking for divorce).

The divorce was a mess, he tried in every way to take everything I had and I even had to take on half of his debts. Long story short, I never talked to him again face to face and we only talk through lawyers when it's something about our children.

Months ago, from my children, I found out that he was diagnosed with cancer and it is in an advanced stage. I didn't say anything more about it, because any topic related to him doesn't appeal to me, but I decided to support my children and stay by their side.

Yesterday, my three children (all live with me) sat down with me telling me that their father could no longer work (chemo + cancer) and wouldn't be able to stay in his current home, so he had nowhere to live and they would like for him to live here in these last stages.

I immediately said no and that I felt offended that I had even been asked that question knowing how much he and I dislike each other. They started to argue saying that our house was his last option, because his relatives couldn't and they didn't want to leave his father without a home and that I should think about them.

I asked who would take care of him when things got worse, because all three of them work outside the home and I work from home, or who would cover all of his financial and medical expenses. They didn't know how to answer and that they would decide between the 3 of them to help their father and not be so burdensome for me and that the 3 of them were willing to let their father live in our house.

I said that despite valuing their opinion on any other matter in the house, this matter is my decision alone and it remains no. They called me heartless and don't think that they are just trying to give their father a place to live, not my ex-husband. And I was being petty about all the things he did and not thinking about them.

They're still pressuring me to change my mind, especially with their father only having 15 more days in his house, but I can't feel anything other than offended that they asked that knowing how much the divorce messes with (depression and anxiety).

My ex got in touch on my personal number, asking to rethink and leave the past behind just in these last moments. Funny that he asked me, but not his exes much younger than me. AITA? (If you want to know, the oldest is waiting for her own house to be ready and the 2 youngest are still unable to live alone and I don't care about they still at home.)

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Reyvakitten said:

Tell him he can ask his much younger and "cuter" exes. After all you wouldn't want to bother him with your "old face" every day. NTA. And do your kids know how he treated you? I understand not getting involved with my parent's grievances, but as a child in that situation I would never consider even asking my mother to care for my father if I knew how he treated her.

Apart-Ad-6518 said:

NTA, not at all. Your children are totally unfair to ask this of you. "My ex got in touch on my personal number, asking to rethink and leave the past behind just in these last moments. Funny that he asked me, but not his exes much younger than me."

Probably because he's realized far too late that behing that "old face" is a good, decent person who's more beautiful than his exes will ever be. His bad. His regret to carry. Stand firm on no being a complete sentence. All the very best to you.

ProfileElectronic said:

Your three adult children can move in with Dad and take care of him in his own home. All adjustments that they intended to make in their schedules could also be made while they live with their Dad. This way all parties would be happy. NTA.

tacobelloboutit said:

NTA. You owe him nothing - you spoke only through lawyers after a contentious divorce, no way in hell could you both exist under the same roof. Cancer is an awful, awful disease and in their last stages it completely ravages a person. You do not have to take on that burden for someone who hurt you.

lyrical_llama said:

NTA- your ex is an adult who should've been figuring this out during the months that he was aware that he had late stage cancer. He's not a stray puppy that your kids can guilt you into keeping. At the end of the day, it's your house, your decision.

corgihuntress said:

NTA They are asking too much. They think you should just overlook his behavior and etc., but the fact is he is now responsible for himself and if they want to care for him, they can move somewhere with him and pay for the place themselves, and take care of him. They are adults. They can make adult decisions. Don't fall for this.

After-Distribution69 said:

NTA. Remind your kids that you are actually a person not just a convenience. Tell them that you will support them emotionally to deal with their fathers situation because you love them. But he has options, the main one being a hospice. He chose divorce. That means he chose to exclude you as an option when times get tough.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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