"AITA for not letting my ex-girlfriend see 'our kid?'"
I (25m) have been in a on and off relationship with a (24f) who I'll call H for the sake of privacy. About three years ago my older sister sorta just disappeared, like the "left all my stuff at home, fled the county, never came back, unknown whereabouts to this day" type of disappeared.
And she had a kid (5f at the time) who we'll call G, and since I was the only one of her siblings over the age of 18, I was the first to be asked to take her in. Me and H weren't having the best relationship at the time. The first time me and her got together (when I was 20 and she was 19) everything was alright, we broke up about a year later because she'd been seeing this other guy for like two months behind my back...
But eventually we got back together; and let's just say stuff was bad. Wasn't exactly the environment you'd bring a kid into, and plus I didn't even know her kid, but I did it because someone had to.
It wasn't like G and H "got along," my life for the next two years was practically just my girlfriend talking about " adjustments that needed to be made" about G's "housing situation." Me and H broke up 8 months ago, and it wasn't like I wasn't expecting something dramatic, but it was normally just her stuff talking me on Instagram.
But then almost 2 months after we broke up; she started talking about "custody agreement," acting like G was some kid we SHARED, like she had any legal rights to this kid. Which, no, she didn't. And obviously It didn't take much to understand that this was only made a problem so she could make my life Hell (cause oh how she loves doing that).
And G (who is now going on 8) never really thought of my girlfriend as a "mother figure to begin with", though H insists that since G was young when she moved in with us, that she's the "closest thing she has to a mother." I mean, she's a kid, she's not stupid; she knows who her mom is, and she knows that H is not her mom.
My mom (who unfortunately still talks to my ex because "She's like family") has been saying my initial reaction her was too harsh. And or the fact that when she walked up to MY door, at MY house, in MY presence and started cussing ME out about how MY guardianship over MY sisters kid should be split...
I simply said "F no" and slammed the door. It's not even like she cares about G, or even like she has any legal authority over her either. She says she plans to take "legal action" as if my restriction to the child I'm taking care of is illegal, and I don't even know what to do. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nostraferatu said:
NTA. Get a lawyer before Child Services gets involved. Your ex is playing games and using the kid as leverage to get you back, get back at you, or get money. NEVER take her back. And once things are squared away have a heart to heart with your mom about cutting off your ex entirely.
teresajs said:
NTA. Protect your child! Your Ex is not doing any of this for the best interest of the child. Your Ex wants attention and/or child support or something. Keep her away.
ScarletteMayWest said:
Lawyer up NOW. And maybe block your mother from alone time with G so that she does not hand her over to H. NTA
Opening_Crow5902 said:
NTA. Guardianship isn’t based on being a good mother figure.
WyvernJelly said:
NTA. Make sure you get cameras up inside and outside the house. Don't block your ex and screenshot anything she sends you. All of that can be used as evidence.