'AITA for not letting my husband buy a house for his ex and kids?' UPDATED
"AITA for not letting my husband buy a house for his ex and kids?"
His ex and kids hate me and I’m not fond of them either. They all think I’m the reason they can’t get back together even though she’s the one who cheated and I didn’t meet him until he was in the middle of their divorce negotiations. His kids are rude to me and when I was pregnant with our first child, they told me I should hurry and get an abortion before it’s too late.
Anyway, during the divorce negotiations, my husband voluntarily gave up the paid off house so that his kids wouldn’t have to move schools. He agreed to pay child support beyond what the courts would have imposed and his alimony amount is more than her salary. In return, she agreed to not sale the house or move until the youngest is 18.
Something happened and she sold the house and moved into an apartment. This past weekend, he came and asked if I would object to him buying her another house because she’s missing out on her time with the kids. They refuse to stay in her cramped apartment. I said no and that she needs to live with the consequences from her bad decisions.
He begged but I stood my ground. I reminded him that we have a child together and another on the way. Any money he spends on his ex is taking away from their future. He argued that his kids need a home and I countered that they each have their own rooms in our house.
Even though I can’t stand them, I can be an adult and tolerate them if it means he doesn’t buy his ex a house. He said it’ll be in our names but I countered that interest rates are high and the housing market in our area is crashing so we’ll lose money if we buy a house now which in turn will affect our children’s future.
His ex reached out to his parents and now they’re on my case about making their grand kids homeless. It feels like everyone is making me out to be the wicked stepmother and I’m the crazy one. I can’t be the only one to think it’s crazy for a husband to buy his ex a house.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ToughUnderstanding52 said:
NTA. So the ex had a fully paid up house, a job and alimony which was more than her salary, but she still sold her house and now wants another one? Fully paid up too, I assume?
What happened to the money she got from selling the house? Why is it your fault when she's the one who sold the house? Also, your step kids are not homeless, they have 2 houses, they just dont like either one of them.
You need to focus on yourself and your kids. Your husband needs some common sense. If your in laws think she should have a new house, they can buy her one.
ExpressionMundane244 said:
Your husband has a serious problem in being firm with his ex. She broke their deal about not selling the house until de youngest was 18yo. The house was paid for and yet she has no money of the sale?! How this happen? What did she did with the money? She has basically two salaries (one of hers and your husband child support). Yet she cant pay for a house big enough for the kids.
And despite all of this, your husband wanna buy her another house?! Wtf?! This women has proven, multiple times, she doesnt deserve it and cant be trusted! She had all the means to find a house for herself. The kids can stay with you guys if they dont like their mother house. And if your in laws wanna interfere, they can buy her a house with their own money.
She is taking advantage of your husband. And he is letting her. Stay firm. Honestly, him buying her a house without your ok, would be a deal breaker for me. If he gives her another house, next will be a new car, and then more child support and then another house and so on. NTA.
Cursd818 said:
NTA. But your husband's attitude here is alarming. Really alarming. He keeps throwing money at his ex. He gave her a fully paid off house, paid over the odds for child support and alimony, and now wants to buy her another house?
She either has something over him, or he still loves her. Either way, your marriage isn't safe. As you say, his children have a home with you and they're choosing not to stay with her. They aren't in danger, so why is he prepared to risk your financial future to help a woman who cheated on him?
You need to sit down and have a very serious conversation with him about this. He needs to make a choice between his wives. He can't have both. He either starts behaving as though his ex is actually his ex, or you should start looking for a divorce lawyer.
cassiesfeetpics said:
Your husband is still married to his first wife so idk where you fit in all this. he has children with you, yet he thinks his ex & older children are more important.... wake up! NTA but take this for the wake up call it is.
UPDATE:
I saw several common questions so I’ll answer them here. No one is sure why she had to sell the house. My husband and her argued for weeks after it was already done. I’ve heard several reasons but I didn’t include them because I don’t know which is the accurate one. All we know for sure is that she doesn’t have much left after the sale.
The house was fully paid off with no liens. He transferred full ownership to her so she was solely responsible for the taxes and maintenance. His kids have been living with us for a month and we’ve settled into a silent routine. I don’t try to mother them and they ignore me. We provide them with the same food we eat and whatever else they need. My husband parents them.
The low end price of a house in our area and within their schools is about $300,000 right now. I can deal with the situation until they’re all 18 and out of the house if it means we’re not spending at least $300,000.
My husband and I make about the same. We have our joint account and separate accounts. If he does buy her another house, it will only be with his money so it won’t affect my financially. However, what if he loses his job soon afterwards, have an accident where he can no longer work, or any of the other reasons I don’t want to happen but have to plan for our children.
They had an agreement and she broke it but there’s nothing my husband can really do about it at this point. He can’t sue for full custody because the kids are already living full time with us. He’s not paying child support since they are and she’s not arguing about that. He can’t sue her for the house or money she doesn’t have.