'AITA for not letting my mom stay in my house?' 'She flew FOUR HOURS to see me.'

"AITA for not letting my mom stay in my house after she flew 4 hours to see me?"

TW: abuse

I (21F) and my mother (54F) have a very strained relationship. I grew up being Mormon in the south and she let my dad abuse my siblings and I. I ended up moving out when I was 14 to live with my grandmother and I went no contact with my mom.

When I went to college, I went very far west and drove about 30 hours to get to said college. Around that time my mom started to contact me. I did stay in contact with her because as I got older I realized that she too was hurt by my dad, but she was still with him. I continued to be wary and never actually visited because I had my own life.

When I got married, I didn't invite my mom, only a few of my brothers. She didn't seem to mind that much and so I let her more into my life. My husband (22M) and I are having a baby soon. I ended up telling my mom this over the phone and she congratulated me. A few weeks went by and she was obsessed with the idea of me being a mom. It was weird, she kept bringing up my old religion and how this was going to "connect" us.

A few weeks ago my mom texted me to pick her up from the airport and then she called me in a rage when I told her no. She asked me where she expects her to stay and I said not my place because I didn't invite her and didn't want her there. I'm not sure where she stayed.

Not long after I start getting texts from my sisters who are bashing me for building up a relationship with my mom only to manipulate her. I feel bad because maybe it did seem like I wanted her around but that was never my intention. I just wanted to be at peace in our relationship, I didn't care if it was still not the greatest. So AITA for not wanting her around?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

edebby said:

NTA. I don't see here any pattern of "manipulation" as your sisters put. This is a very plain and simple story: you started to build a very long distance relationship with your mom, after years of disconnection. Your mom however felt like you are now "closer" because you let her know you are pregnant, that is also where you realized that your mom has intentions to "bring you closer to god."

You mom then booked a flight without even asking or discussing what she's about to do with you, and invited herself to your home after years of ignoring your life. She then expected you to "feel happy" and rush to the airport to pick her up and accommodate her in your safe ands secure home.

This is totally delusional behavior, I'm sorry. No matter how close your sisters assume you got with your mom, meeting her after so long, would definitely be in a neutral location, if it would even happen at all.

You are not an AH, and the only AH in this story are both your sisters who responded without knowing a shred of the story apparently, and you mom of course, who thinks everything is forgiven and she won a clean slate just because you told her about your baby in the phone, where she had the nerve to discuss your fucked up religion who ruined your childhood smh.

I'm always glad to hear about people who managed to turn over their life the way you did, and escape the claws of religion and abusers against all odds, and build themselves a nice and safe life with the person they love. A good way to start my week :)

No-Throat-8885 said:

She just showed up at the airport? NTA. She can absolutely just show up if she organises transport and accommodation and then ask to see you, at which point it’s your call. But even with family it would be unusual to fly in and expect someone to come get you and give you a bed without notice.

Otherwise-Fox-2615 said:

NTA who the hell just shows up at someone's house when they are about to have a baby, and expect to be accommodated?? That is really weird.

Fickle_Toe1724 said:

NTA. You did not manipulate your mom. She was trying to manipulate you. You didn't let her. Good for you. No one has the right to demand you pick them up anywhere. No one has the right to stay in your home, unless you and your husband invite them. You did not invite her to visit.

You did not invite her to your home. She defended your abuser for years. A mom's job is to protect her kids. Once your child is born, you will probably not want your mom or dad around your child.

The way your siblings are acting, I would not want them around either. I would cut them all off for a while. Tell them all, in a group message, that mom invited herself to your home. You did not invite her. That is your safe space, and mom is not safe yet. You will talk to them when you are ready, until then, you will be blocking all of them who defend your delusional mother.

GForcePi said:

NTA, it's entirely up to you whom you want to be around. If you don't like your mom being around it's okay. I think she shouldn't have come unannounced. Maybe she thought that between her and you , things are getting normal , that's why she suddenly showed up at the airport. Tell her your situation and mindset that you want to be with your own family. I hope she understands that.

ArrivalBoth6519 said:

NTA. Even if I was on really good terms with someone I would be furious if they lived far away and just invited themselves over with no warning.