'AITA for not letting my pregnant sister sleep in my bed? She doesn't like the guest bed.' UPDATED

"AITA for not letting my pregnant sister sleep in my bed?"

I (26M) rent a small two-bedroom apartment. I live alone, but I use the second bedroom as my office because I work from home full-time. My older sister, "Lily" (31F), is 6 months pregnant and soon to be single mother. She has some issues with her apartment (in a disagreement with her landlord, and in the process of moving out), so she asked if she could stay with me for a few weeks.

Of course, I said yes and that I would be happy to accommodate her for as long as she needs. She moved in last weekend, and the first thing she did when settling in was pointing towards my bed and saying: "I'll take this one." I laughed, thinking she was joking.

Only later in the evening when I asked her if she needs anything else before going to bed did she mention that she was not joking about wanting to sleep in my bed. Now I'm a little bit of a germophobe, and I am quite uncomfortable with the idea of other people sleeping in my bed.

I told her that I am uncomfortable letting anyone else sleep in my bed. But I will gladly set her up with my guest bed (which I did use to sleep on before buying my current bed, and I know for a fact is very comfortable and spacious). Then, she started guilt tripping me saying that since she got pregnant she's having problems falling asleep and that she needs the bigger more comfortable bed.

I stood my ground and told her I was happy to accommodate her, but I wasn’t giving up my bedroom. She sulked, but she took the guest bed.

That lasted exactly two nights before she started complaining that the bed was “too stiff” and that she “couldn’t sleep.”

I offered to buy a new mattress topper, but she refused. Instead, she tried to pull the "you’re my brother, you should want to make me comfortable" guilt trip again...I told her that she is lucky I can even take her in, since I work 10 hours a day from home and I do value having a work enviroment that's private, calm and quiet.

She called me selfish and accused me of not caring about her or her baby. I told her she could take the couch if the guest bed was that unbearable. Well, she did...but exactly for 1 night before turning into an absolute menace. In the second night on the couch, she made sure to sigh loudly all night, "accidentally" bump into things, and complain the next morning about how "horrible" I was making her feel.

The following day, she kept making calls and talking loudly on the phone while I was working. I didn't pay attention to the actual calls and what she was saying, but later it became very clear.

In the evening I started getting phone calls from most if not all of my family members.
Apparently, she was ranting all day on the phone to my family about how rude and how horrible I was making her feel, trying to make my family put pressure on me just to let her sleep in my bed...like she's on a mission or something.

My mom took her side and tore me a new one on the phone saying that Lily is carrying a child and I'm being inconsiderate, she also said "I thought I taught you better hospitality than this, I am very disappointed." My aunt called to tell me that my uncle (her husband) used to sleep on the couch and sometimes on the floor next to her when she was pregnant.

Even my cousin (who I haven't spoken to in like two years) called to tell me I'm being selfish. My father is taking my side telling me to ignore them and that my sister is a f#$k up that she got in that situation in the first place...but I feel like my mom is giving him a super hard time in the background because he did sound kind of hesitant when I asked him to have my back.

Honestly, I'm just feeling like I'm in the middle of a soap opera drama. My mom is threatening to come take Lily home (yea like that's much of a threat haha) but she's giving me such a hard time and telling me I disappointed her and that she raised me better. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. AITA for not letting my pregnant sister sleep in my bed?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Sparksgirl1223 wrote:

As much as I agree with "send her to mommy", I say don't wait for mommy to come get her. Stuff her things in your vehicle and tell her to get in. Take her to mom/dad and unload her stuff in the yard.

Walk in and tell mom that since she's DEMANDED your BED and made working (thus earning the money for the bedS that aren't good enough for her) extremely difficult, she will now be staying with them and they can work it out amongst themselves.

Signed: Someone who's had to do this.

BonusMomSays wrote:

OP - you opened your door to sis and with her acting like this, I have serious doubt that she will ever leave. What has she done to solve her living arrangement? What time has she invested to find a new place to live?

All that time she spent b#$hing to the relatives, she could have spend finding a long-term solution.

But she didn't. Because she planned to takeover your bed and bedroom. "This is the only room big enough for a crib too!"

She planned to banish you to the smaller, second bedroom in your own place. And she plans to stay forever. Tell your Mom to come get. Tell sis to pack her bags bc Mom is coming to get her, bc she is disruptive to your ability to work from home and is preventing you from being able to get sleep at nite. Get her out now or she will never leave!!! NTA.

Azsura12 wrote:

"My mom is threatening to come take Lily home (yea like that's much of a threat haha) but she's giving me such a hard time and telling me I disappointed her and that she raised me better.."

NTA and I would just say "Oh sure that's a perfect plan. You can come tomorrow and pick her up and take her home. I am sure she will be much more comfortable there, then at my place."

"Why didn't you offer this before knowing how small my place was and knowing that conflicts would happen? But yeah go ahead and pick her up, because if she continues to disturb my work, well idk how long she can stay in this house in general."

Spoedi-probes wrote:

NTA. Tell your sister, your Mom has offered to let her stay, so "pack your bags if the guest bed is uncomfortable." Everyone who has called, call them back and ask when they intend to pick up your sister to stay with them.

The next day, OP shared an update.

First of all, I wanna thank you guys for the overwhelming support! This blew up way beyond anything I expected. Wow! I really appreciate you all for taking the time to chime in and sharing your opinion, you guys really helped reassure me and gave me confidence in my own feelings that my private space has been disrespected (and quite frankly, violated).

I would like to answer a few common questions I saw in the comments:

The guest bed is in the living room. It's stored in the second bedroom (my office), but whenever I have a guest I set it up in the living room. The living room space is quite big and can comfortably fit the guest bed, couch and living room table as well.

My parents live 4.5-hour drive away and they are the closest family members to my apartment, that is why I didn't initially think of suggesting anyone to come and pick up Lily to take her to their place.

I, infact, did NOT get my sister pregnant (WTF guys! LOL).

Lily is moving out of her current apartment because it is being sold, and the new owners aren't sure if they want to keep renting it, or what to charge exactly. So that's why she is moving out.

Anyways, here is the update:My mother made the drive over yesterday. She came in quite furious, barely said a word to me, and wanted to just take Lily and leave ASAP. She had that cold, disappointed look on her face. It broke my heart honestly. I told them (Lily and my mother) that I wanted to talk and explain my side of the story. I told them both that I didn't want them to leave on bad terms.

I sat them down in the living room, and explained my side of things. I also decided to show them the original post, and it did help calm them down and made them second-guess their opinions. Also I did believe they were quite embarrassed (judging by the looks on their face when I showed them the post) to see everything written out like that, but they didn't dare to say a word about it lol.

In the end, they both agreed that my apartment is my personal space (and also my workplace), and they understood why it was difficult for me to give up my bed. It wasn't totally smooth though, they still gave me a bit of a hard time, saying that while they do understand my side now, I could've still been the bigger person and just let Lily sleep in my bed.

At least they did drop the whole "you're selfish" act. As for the rest of the family, I demanded that my sister called each and every one of them to let them know my side and calm them down. Lily was reluctant at first, but my mother gave her "the look" and eventually she came around and told me she'd do it on the drive back to my parents.'

I was honestly surprised she agreed. My aunt even called me today to apologize, that was... definitely unexpected and very satisfying haha. Lily is now staying with my parents. And honestly? I wouldn't be surprised if I get a in a few weeks with them ranting about her being entitled in their house haha. Can't wait to see how they'll handle that one. Hopefully, this is the last time I'll have to deal with this.

Lily still needs to move her stuff from her old apartment (which is a 30-minute drive from me), so I know she's going to ask for my help. Not that I would mind, I would be happy to help her, but I'm worried she'll might want to come stay at my place again or use my place to store some of her stuff. Also she might bring this whole thing up again and I couldn't be arsed to deal with it once again.

Ahh that's a problem for another day, though (hopefully not hahaha). So in the end, I believe it turned out the best way possible, and I have you guys to thank for that! Seriously, I appreciate each and every one of you who took their time to comment on my original post. Thank you!

The internet was happy to hear an update.

cassowary32 wrote:

You‘ll just have to keep saying No. Your sister isn’t a toddler. She’s going to have to learn to hear the word “No” and how to self-soothe at some point. Your apartment is not a storage unit and your sister can rent one for very cheap. There are also moving companies that specialize in packing up a place completely and moving it to another location. Does your sister have a job?

Kimbaaaly wrote:

Excellent that you showed them the post! I'm glad she is no longer living with you. Also, I would be very cautious about helping her move. I do think she will try again to sleep in your bed AND I think there is a good chance she wants you to store things for her. I don't think it's worth taking the chance of one of those (sleep in your bed, want you to store things) that's just IMHO. I can't tell you what to do.

One because it is rude and disrespectful to tell people what they "should do" and 2i don't know you or your family so I definitely have no idea of the dynamic. I just wanted to offer thoughts on the upcoming move out. I don't want to see you in a position that is nearly impossible. I encourage you to take your needs as first priority.

The old "put your oxygen mask in before helping others." If you want to help with the move without actually being there, there, I would think you could hire someone to help (of such to one person and for a couple hours, so they have to move day to get things packed in the truck. ) That may not be acceptable to them so you can say that's the way you can help.

HUNGWHITEBOI25 wrote:

So naturally your sister will be sleeping in your parents bed right? You know since Mom doesn’t think its a big deal?

Okay, all kidding aside you handled this perfectly, you were NTA then and you’re still NTA.