'AITA for not letting my sister have my toddler's room? She is staying with us for awhile.'
"AITA for not letting my sister have my toddler's room?"
I(33f) and my husband(35m) just bought a house! We worked our butts off over the past threeish years after a surprise pregnancy. We were financially okay but you all know the housing market. So since my youngest was born, we have had to have the baby in our room because we only had a 2 bedroom and our oldest, now 12, needed his own space.
We made it work but we also did everything we could to get into a 3 bedroom as fast as possible. Cut to now, we have our three bedroom. We made a huge huge deal out of it to our youngest...to the point big brother helped design and decorate with us. It was an entire family effort.
On to the drama cause I wouldn't be here if there wasn't right? My little sister, Mona(27f), just got out of a horribly toxic relationship and has been on my couch for 2 weeks. That's not a problem for us, I just warned her that I 100% WOULD NOT make either of my boys give up their BRAND NEW rooms.
Like for real, how much overtime and sacrifices we had to make to give them their own spaces? Well, guess what happened? Mona sat my husband and I down and asked if she could stay in our youngest's room because he just runs for our room in the middle of the night anyway.
I told her no, that that was his room and I reminded her of my 1 condition. She argued that he's a toddler, he doesn't need his own space. I snapped on her and told her it didn't matter if he needed his own space, I NEED MY OWN SPACE! I asked her how she would feel ALWAYS sharing her space with tiny eyes and it is MY HOUSE.
This straight devolved in a yelling match where I told her if she didnt like it she could leave. She is now not talking to me and I feel absolutely aweful for her but I worked hard to give my youngest that space. My husband thinks I took it a little too far and that I need to apologize because she's going thru a hard time. AITA?
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
shdfx1 wrote:
NTA. Tell your sister that you agreed to this temporary arrangement on the condition that she slept on your couch, and didn’t try to get you to give her your child’s bedroom. She went back on that promise and not only asked for exactly that, but yelled at you and insulted you when you declined.
Now she’s made your own home a hostile environment for you and your boys. This temporary arrangement is at an end. She needs to move out in 30 days. She needs to go to her local benefits office now to look into housing and any benefits or aid for which she qualified.
pushitushii wrote:
NTA. You laid out your boundary before she even moved in: your kids weren’t giving up their rooms. That wasn’t negotiable. She agreed to stay under those terms then tried to push them anyway.
Yes, she’s in a rough spot, but that doesn’t mean she gets to dictate how you use your own house, especially after you busted your butt to give your kids their own rooms. Your toddler’s room is more than just “a place to sleep”, it’s stability, routine, and the sense of belonging you worked hard to create.
You were firm, maybe a little sharp in delivery, but the boundary itself is 100% fair. If she needs her own room, she can look into shelters, friends, or short-term housing. Helping doesn’t mean sacrificing your children’s security or your own sanity.
Sea_Register1095 wrote:
It's unfortunate, but if you give her your child's room you can expect to have her living with you a long time. You really don't want someone crashing with you temporarily to get too comfortable if you want them to leave in a timely manner.
MountainMirthMaker wrote:
NTA. She came in knowing your one boundary and then immediately tried to bulldoze it. Doesn’t matter if your kid wanders at night, that’s still his room and you busted your ass to make it happen. Couch is fine for a guest.
Soft_Remote_1511 wrote:
NTA. But I do have to ask do you have a game plan on her getting out? Because if she's already trying to undermine your condition for staying to secure a room. She will never leave.
While its great that you opened your home to let her stay and get out of a bad situation. But she will drain you more than your 2 kids already do.
*coming from someone that let their friend stay agreed on 6 months to get on their feet. Turned into 4 yrs and I lost my privacy and mind in my own home.
BMal_Suj wrote:
NTA. Your sister is in a tough spot. Her feeling are understandable. I have a lot of sympathy for her. But I live in a three bedroom house with 2 kids, and if my sister or SIL had to couch surf with us for a while I'd have the same requirement, and answer.
"You can stay on my couch as long as you need to pick your life back up. I'm here for that. I'm here for you. But there are limits. My kids keep their bedrooms."
LazyAd622 wrote:
You can refuse to speak to me, but not when you’re sitting on MY couch. Going through hard times is not an excuse for behaving badly to people that are helping you. Please don’t yell in the house when the children are there. Children think everything is their fault. Congratulations on the new house!