"AITA for not living up to my promise?"
My niece, Danielle, became engaged during the summer. Upon hearing of the news from my Sister, I reached out and offered to pay for the cake. Because after all, I am single and don’t have children.
However, I’m not rich. While they think I am as I live within my means and don’t struggle financially. I should also add that I was told they wouldn’t marry immediately as he’s stationed in Germany and she’s still finishing her Bachelor’s degree.
I got a call 2 weeks ago that they’ve decided to marry in 3 months and it’s a wedding for 200 people because they also decided to invite everyone they’ve ever met. I understand it’s because the groom’s mother is terminal.
I called a few bakeries in town and I am being quoted between $1800 - $2200 plus delivery fees. This is clearly outside my budget and what I can afford to save in this period of time.
I also did not think it would cost this much as I was a Maid of Honor at my Besties wedding 5 years ago and the cost for 150 people was $600.00. I know prices have gone up but didn’t think it would be up to 4X more.
So, I reached out to my niece with the idea of having a faux 5 tier cake and buying 4 sheet cakes from Sam’s at a cost of less than $400 (including the faux cake). Sam’s will make the cake to order with the flavors she wants on cake, icing and filling. I think it’s a win-win.
She cut me short and said she would call back. She hasn’t. However, I got a call from my sister that Danielle is having a meltdown and feels I’m ruining the wedding. I’m heartbroken that I can’t give her what she wants. But I also didn’t think this wedding would be so large or in 3 months. AITA??
Edit: with such short notice everything is costing more. Neither Bride or Groom have offered a penny towards THEIR wedding. My parents, sister and two brothers are doing what we can. And I offered them to use the rest of the $800 towards anything needed to fill gaps. Photos, food, flowers, transportation, hotel … whatever.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I’m more impressed that they can plan a wedding in 3 months for that many people.
It's because they clearly aren't doing most of the planning.
Head-Sense1055 (OP)
It’s been a nightmare. It’s during the week so some of us have to take off from work and a lot of less expensive vendors have day jobs too.
They’re inviting 200 people to a mid week wedding with three months notice and expect them to show up. Honey… that cake isn’t going to cost $1800 because it’s going to be for a LOT less than 200 people. 80 MAX will be RSVPing yes to a mid week wedding at short notice.
So her wedding is ruined. I didn't know she was marrying a cake.
NTA. You verified hey when will this be so I know how much time I have to save for the cake. Saw in the comments you said 2-3 years from now which is a good amount of time for savings.
And then a 2 weeks ago they changed their minds due to someone’s unexpected health issues. Realistically everyone sucks due to circumstances but life happened and sometimes you don’t have the necessary financial situation to be able to afford to do it this soon.
Stop calling bakeries. Bakeries have high overhead, and they’ve been hit HARD recently bc nobody is buying $5 cookies and $10 muffins in this economy. Start asking around and find an independent baker who does wedding cakes.
I don’t make them anymore, but I used to. Tell them your budget and the # of people and let them pitch you on what they can do for you. They’ll be much more motivated to get your business than a standalone bakery with a website.
Why make an offer to do something like that without getting details about how many people the cake would need to feed first?
Head-Sense1055 (OP)
The wedding, I was told, wouldn’t happen for 2-3 years. I could buy a $5,000 cake then.
Bruh the people in here are ruthless. You agreed to 2k in 3 years. Not 2k 3 months from now. If they changed up the terms on you, then yes you can change up the terms on them.
Looking at comments so far, I'm going against popular opinion here, but this is all blown out of proportion (classic wedding drama) and everyone's being a bit of an A. You're trying to do something nice, and probably overpromised given you didn't have details confirmed, but I also get that you had a fair assumption, and for plenty of weddings, $600 would cover it.
Instead, they're going extravagant with a HUGE guest list and a higher-end cake at $10/person. The cry that you are "ruining the wedding" is absolutely absurd and says more about your niece than anything (sniveling little 'you know'). She has a lot to learn, and this can be a lesson.
All you have to learn is not to promise what you can't deliver, and now I'm sure you know. Caving to pressure and increasing your gift beyond your comfort isn't advisable. Make a contribution you're okay with, or push agreement on a compromise, as you proposed.
If your offer hadn't been there, would they have not proceeded, or invited less people? I highly doubt they made any decisions at this point on the basis of knowing the cake was covered.