'AITA for not making time for my sister for her birthday? She didn't plan ahead.'
"AITA for not making time for my sister for her birthday?"
So, for reference my sister turned 33 today (I am 24) and I’ve had such an incredibly busy month. work a full time job with late hours, I’m also in my 3rd year of university (while also taking summer courses), and I have to balance a bunch of other things like errands, chores, and etc.
My sister never set her birthday plans in stone. She kept saying how she wasn’t going to do anything and so I took her word for it as I kept asking her multiple times in advance.
While I am taking one of my cats to the vet, she calls me and gets off earlier than I thought and asks me where I’m at and what I’m doing. I tell her, and she proceeds to say that she was only calling so she could tell me to start getting ready. I assumed she was going to do something later in the evening since she gets off at around 6-7pm and is quite wishy-washy about her decisions.
Ready to go where? No idea, but I get home late because I was stuck in traffic and I ask her.
We agree to go to happy hour at a lounge before it ends at 7pm and I let her know that’s fine, but I have an exam due tonight so I can’t hang out for too long.
She gets all bothered, saying never mind because she doesn’t want the burden of shortening her fun so I can get home earlier to take my exam and I say “Hey, I can just take my exam and I’ll meet you there.” She’s still being stubborn, leaves without saying bye, and about 20 or so minutes says that I was fine for meeting up with her.
I finish my exam, I call her letting her know that I was ready and she snaps at me saying that she already left and that I had all day to take my exam. I explain that my exam was only available during a certain window and I slept in today since I was off and that I had no idea she was going to do anything. It took me an hour and it took me 30 minutes to get ready. So AITA for not making time for her during the day?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
FantasyFan13 wrote:
NTA. You are your own person who has obligations and stuff to do besides wait for your wishy-washy sister to make up her mind about birthday plans the day of, especially when you had already asked her for details so many times before.
The fact that she can't make a plan and stick to it is her problem, and you are not obligated to put your busy life on hold while she hems and haws and changes her mind 10 times in the course of a single day.
Zephyr-Phoenix wrote:
Yeah…I turn 33 later this summer and I would never expect someone to just drop everything cuz I finally decided to celebrate. NTA OP let her be mad for a bit but you have nothing to feel guilty about.
79-hunter wrote:
Anyone who has passed puberty should not expect (nor demand) birthday celebrations except for “milestone” birthdays: Those ending with either a 0 zero or, maybe, a five.
33 is a non-event and your sister should get over that.
smcurtis-09 wrote:
I don't think it's a big deal to want to do something for your birthday regardless of what year it is, but it's ridiculous to expect that with zero communication ahead of time and to just drop it on someone like that, especially when you know they have a hectic schedule.
global_fig_6385 wrote:
NTA at all. she can’t say “no plans” and then be mad when you cant drop an exam to go out exactly when she says without warning. you did nothing wrong, she’s being selfish and childish
I’d say send her a to the point text “I’m sorry about this situation happening on your birthday, but i had no control over the window this exam would be open, and after asking you multiple times about any birthday plans, I took your word about not doing anything.
I would love to go out with you and celebrate, so next time we should plan something out. love you🩷” and leave it at that. If she’s still pissy about it, that’s on her!
CrazyOldBag wrote:
NTA. Does your sister always act like the world revolves around her? She needs to get it through her head that (1) other people have lives too, (2) you’re not a mind reader, and (3) she needs to say what she means — i.e..
If she says she’s not doing anything special for her birthday, she’s got no room to be upset if people take her at her word and don’t plan their day around her. Honestly, just READING your schedule feels overwhelming. Do you ever get a chance for a nap or a bubble bath or some other form of self-care? And I hope your kitty is okay.
MarionBerryOk2874 wrote:
She told you she wasn’t doing anything, changed her mind, and expected you to pivot your responsibilities. You offered to go out but leave early because you had an exam, not good enough, so you again pivot and take your test first so her impromptu night doesn’t feel ‘shortened’ and that wasn’t good enough either? Did I get that right?
If so, your sister is an entitled, exhausting AH, and you are NTA. You did everything you could on short notice to make her happy, but it wasn’t exactly what she demanded and she’s using the fact that it’s her bday to try to make you feel bad…don’t.
LegitimateMusician59 wrote:
It's posts like these I'm glad for my sisters in how they are. They turned up for my 30th, planned months in advance, asked well in advance if I were doing anything for 40th, and they also don't do too much for their own birthdays - hell, eldest took her & her daughter out of the country for her 50th, no celebrations there!!
NTA, you cannot expect any other adult to be able to drop what they're doing & come meet or have you over without warning...