'AITA for not paying to replace my friend’s phone after accidentally dropping it in the lake?'
"AITA for not paying to replace my friend’s phone after accidentally dropping it in the lake?"
A few months ago, I (18M) went to a friend’s cabin with a group of six friends (all 18F). We were on a boat, and I grabbed my towel to dry off. I didn’t realize my friend Kayla’s (fake name) phone was in my towel, where she had placed it to avoid the sun.
When I moved the towel, the phone fell into the lake. I jumped in to try to retrieve it, but it sank too quickly. When I got back on the boat, Kayla was upset, saying her life was ruined and her dad couldn’t afford to replace it. I reassured her everything would be fine and promised to help her get a new phone when we returned from the trip.
Later that night, I got a message from Kayla’s boyfriend. He told me I was responsible for replacing the phone and made a cruel comment about my little sister, who had recently passed away, implying I was to blame for her death.
His words really cut deep, especially because it’s something I’ve struggled with. The guilt I feel over losing her is something I live with every day, so when he said that, it hit me harder than I expected.
I showed the message to everyone, and they all got upset with her boyfriend. One of my friends even sent him a message saying it wasn’t okay. I was drunk, so it didn’t bother me much at the time, but later I felt overwhelmed with guilt about the comment.
The next morning, Kayla FaceTimed her boyfriend and spoke to him in a sweet, affectionate way right in front of me. I got upset, realizing I couldn’t pay for her phone if she was still with someone who treated me that way. But I didn’t want to ruin the trip, so I stayed quiet.
At breakfast, one of my friends asked if I was going to pay for her phone, and I said no. Kayla started crying and yelling at me, calling me a liar and saying she never thought I would pay. My other friends sided with her, saying I was punishing her for things her boyfriend said.
They argued that I should understand she can’t control what he does. I get that Kayla can’t control what her boyfriend says or does, but it’s hard for me to look past what he said, especially when she was still acting affectionate toward him.
I pointed out that if one of our boyfriends treated us like that, we’d break up with them. They also said I didn’t understand love because I’ve never been in a relationship. I ended up yelling at Kayla, and my friends begged me to just pay for the phone to end the drama.
Looking back, I felt like I was the only one who cared about the things he said, and it made me realize I didn’t fit in with this group anymore. I agreed to pay for the phone to avoid ruining the trip. The rest of the trip went fine, but when we got home, I told Kayla I had lied about paying for the phone and wouldn’t be doing it because of what her boyfriend said.
I wish I had handled things differently and communicated better about how deeply the situation was affecting me. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently if I had been more upfront about my feelings. So, AITA for not paying to replace her phone?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Well, you pretty much fucked yourself here by stupidly promising to "help her get a new phone" (whatever that means - does driving her to the phone store count?) when you didn't have an obligation to in the first place.
It was your towel. She didn't let you know that she hid her phone in it. That's on her. The reason the phone was dropped into her lake was HER fault, not yours. When you received the nasty message from her boyfriend, you should have immediately shown it to her and said that because of his note, you're revoking your promise.
NTA. You are not responsible for the fact Kayla put her phone in your towel without telling you. That was stupidity on her part not yours. Now, you shouldn’t have ever agreed to replace her phone in the first place but still I do not think you are responsible for the damage to a phone she secretly stashed in someone else’s towel.
Lmao. Still the AH dude.
Boohoo, she doesn't break up with her boyfriend even though you want her to, so take back your promise to reimburse you for the phone you broke? YTA.
NTA...This all started with her putting HER phone in YOUR towel without telling you. It's her fault that her phone is in the lake. All of the other drama is awful and unfortunate, but this was her fault from the beginning.
The phone was placed in the towel by Kayla and if she never told you that the phone was there she can’t blame you. She was irresponsible with her phone and therefore the only one to blame for what happened to it.
YTA - ish, you damaged someone property, you should AT LEAST offer to pay for half of it. The bf sounds like an ass hat but has nothing to do with the damaged/lost property of your friend.
YTA. It's your fault the phone was destroyed, so stop being a child and pay it back for it. Even if they were the person who said it themselves, you still owe them an obligation to pay them for the phone, even if you want to cut them off.