Mother refuses to provide for children's half-sister from ex's affair; 'I'm being called selfish.' AITA?
"AITA for not providing for my children's half- sister?"
Lindorph-truffle83
So I, Female 31, have been married twice. My first marriage was to T. It was shorted lived, but T and I had two children together, JT m 11 and MJ f 10. They are close in age.
T and I separated in 2016, in our state you have to be legally separated a year before you can get divorced, if you have children born in the marriage. four months out from the year separation date, T committed bigamy, he got remarried before we were legally divorced.
It prolonged our divorce by several months. In the end, T was convicted of several felonies and given strict probation. I told the judge I just wanted to be divorced. the courts annulled the marriage to the second ìwoman because it wasnt legal.
T stayed with the second woman, B, for five or so years to my understanding and in that time frame they had a daughter together who is almost 5. The daughter is under the moms last name due to them not being married, so my children with him are his only legitimate children according to state law.
T walked out on B and their child for another woman, T is ordered to pay the minimum in child support for their child, but remains voluntarily unemployed so he can avoid payments. T does not claim the daughter he's had with B. T has told his new girlfriend that he only has two children, not three.
B and her family believed the lies T told them. T told B that I took his house and his money. T had neither of these things. I've remarried and the home we reside in belonged to my now spouse before I married him.
My children live a drastically better lifestyle than the child of B and T. My ex- mil, the mom of T, refuses to have a relationship with her third grandchild, but gives my children lavish gifts and nice things.
B and her family say I should split things three ways instead of two, so the daughter can inherit a portion of what I'd be leaving my children. They say she is entitled to it because T is the dad to all of them.
The family has asked for money, diapers and other things, saying I have a responsibility to the child since all of the family T has favor my children. I have even been contacted by an attorney hired by the third child's maternal family, who asked me to update everything so the child gets a portion.
My dad died in 2019 and left me a substantial inheritance, B and her family want her child included in this. I feel like it's not my place to tend to a child I didn't give birth too, but I'm being called selfish because I said no.
Where the child is under her moms last name, they'd have to approach the courts to ask a judge to legitimize this child. As of right now the child is not legally allowed to inherit anything T or her paternal family may have.
I don't know if he's on the birth certificate, I'm guessing so where he pays child support. The judge mentioned that my children are his only legitimate children due to them being born within our marriage.
So I guess you can pay support and the child still be illegitimate. My children carry his last name which holds alot with state law. AITA for not providing for my children's half- sister?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Healthy-Magician-502
NTA. Stop engaging with B and her greedy family. You have zero obligation towards her or her child.
LouisV25
This! And report that attorney to the bar association for even contacting you with such a frivolous threat or hire an attorney to send B and her attorney a strongly worded letter to tell them to GET THE ___ OUT OF HERE.
ohtwinklemytoes
NTA - seriously what the fuck? I feel so sorry for the kid in all this having a total deadbeat father but that doesn't make it your responsibility at all.
TarzanKitty
NTA. Even if the child is entitled to money from your EX and his relatives. That has nothing to do with you, your children or your late father. You have no responsibility to this woman or her child. Just block them all.
rationalboundaries
NTA. I'm not going to lie, you need to make absolutely certain to lock down the planning just in case something happens to you. It would be tragic if your ex-husband ends up with custody of your kids and/or authority over whatever assets you leave.
Good_Focus2665
Why is she at your door and not your ex MIL? NTA.
Lilian_Sunny
You are NTA (Not the Asshole). It's okay to stand firm on your boundaries. You are prioritizing your own children, which is perfectly reasonable.
celticmusebooks
Children born outside of wedlock can absolutely inherit if the father's name is on the birth certificate OR if a paternity test is done before the father dies. HOW do these people know you inherited money from your family?
Bottom line: these people are nothing to you-- yes the child is (maybe) a half sibling to your children- that doesn't put any responsibility on you. Cut all contact with them--and tell them that they need to get a lawyer and go after the child's father for support. NTA your ex sounds like a real prince among men, LOL.
VegetableBusiness897
Yeah..... Beggars be begging....This child is not related to you in any way shape or form. You owe nothing to her (or her family, coz that who really wants the cash here) You can inherit from T or their family, it's their choice and once it's yours, it's yours. Your kids with T can inherit from T or his family, and while they are half sibs they are not required to give any money or property over to their half.
Seems to me B should be kissing @$$ and trying to charm her and her kiddo into the half siblings heart (and wallets)...not threatening legal action that won't go anywhere and will only make everyone hate them even more....