'AITA for not reimbursing my cohost for his dish at our potluck? To me, that doesn't make sense.'
"AITA for not reimbursing my cohost for his dish at our potluck?"
A few weeks ago, my apartment mate asked if I wanted to cohost a potluck with him and another apartment mate. I had a grilled veggie recipe I'd been wanting to try, so I agreed. He would make the main, I would make the side.
We ended up hosting about 10 people. The day of, he posted how much his ingredients cost on our apartment groupchat, which ended up a little over $200. I didn't post mine, which cost about $10.
Fast forward to today. He expects me to reimburse him for "my third" of the expenses for the main. I said I never agreed to that. He said I was the host, and that I had to, he never even considered it a discussion. Our third apartment mate paid, and is staying out of it.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
mnemeth wrote:
INFO:
You were 3 people to "host" but how many people were present?
OP responded:
10.
Mnemeth responded:
And only 3 of you bring food? Isn't the idea that everyone bring a little?
OP responded:
Everyone did bring stuff, but some of that was items like drinks or dips.
dragonetta123 wrote:
NTA. Splitting expenses is something you agree to in advance, and if needed have a budget set.
Also, with me being a Brit so I may have this wrong, isn't potluck a gathering where everyone brings a dish instead of a planned meal?
OP responded:
Yes. However, it's traditional for the host to make the main dish, which will usually be the most expensive to make.
Consistent-Cod7671 wrote:
What the hell kind of dish did he spend $200 on? How many people came to this pot luck? Everyone is supposed to bring something to a pot luck meal, the point is to keep the labour and cost down. $200 will buy you a full meat pack from a nice butcher, I think he’s trying it on.
OP responded:
He made a beef stew with a side of yams. 10 people came, but some brought things like drinks or dips.
StructEngineer91 wrote:
In my experience with pot lucks there is no one "main dish". There a bunch of dishes of various "main-ness", brought by everyone attending and no one is paid for the dish they made. If there is a main dish it is more a dinner party where you also asked your guests to bring side dishes/desserts, which is equally valid, but that is no longer a potluck.
Ok-Position7403 wrote:
LOL nice try, roommate!
NTA, this is ridiculous. If it had been agreed that you were splitting the expense, there would have been some discussion of how much the expense would be. And not after the fact when he's spent $200.
There is no way that if the agreement all along had been to share expenses, NO ONE would have said what the budget was or how much they were willing to contribute. I mean, even if you HAD agreed to split costs, you could have assumed it would be max $30 per roommate just as easily as he assumed $70 per roommate was okay.
swillshop wrote:
NTA
Tell the guy,
"1. Yes, shared expenses ARE a discussion. If it were shared, we would have agreed on a budget before hand and agreed on the shared cost. Learn your lesson, next time you expect someone to chip in to something YOU are doing - like making a dish - raise your question and get agreement before you proceed.
2. The general concept of a potluck is that everyone brings a dish to share. And no one charges anyone for anything. Yes, the host generally makes a substantial dish. If you had a problem with what we were contributing, then you should have said something before the dinner.
I'm sorry you are out more money than you want to be. But next time, either plan a dish that is within your budget, or discuss things and get agreement in advance. Don't expect folks to agree to your assumptions after-the-fact."
Salty-Initiative-242 wrote:
NTA $200 for beef stew is catering prices; did he buy it ready made somewhere? Also, I'm finding the differing opinions on potlucks super entertaining! LOL We do this kind of "potluck" at work, where the office provides a beef, chicken and vegetarian main and employees bring all the sides and desserts, so I don't find this one unusual.
Sticking someone with a $70ish bill without discussing it first IS unusual, and rude, and I would not be paying up either. For me, "co-hosting" a potluck would mean me making a more substantial side or alternate main dish and then helping with clean up.
Braelind wrote:
Uh, it's a potluck. Each person makes a dish and brings it. They each pay the cost of their dish. If you wanna do some non-traditional cost splitting thing, you gotta clarify that in advance, because that's not how potlucks work. There's not even a typical "main" dish at a potluck.
NTA! Though I'm curious what he managed to spend $200 on for a freakin' 10 person potluck. Did he make some nice Wagyu steaks for everyone?
ElleCapwyn wrote:
NTA, OP. I’ve had roommates who would do this BS to me, and you would be within your rights not to pay him. But I caution you, this could cause a major rift if you choose that route. If you can afford it, my suggestion is actually TO pay him….
And then reeeeeaally rip into him for being shady. If he wanted you to split the costs, then he should have consulted you about the budget before hand; that’s proper etiquette, and just common courtesy.
You make sure that if you pay him, you subtract his share of the money you spent, and ask for an itemized receipt before you do. Moving forward, do not let this person be in charge of any split funds, and make it clear that any post-purchase nonsense will not be accommodated again.