After breakup, ex GF demands share of house she didn’t help pay for; 'I also want my rent back.' AITA?
"AITA for not selling my house?"
SadLeftover
Me M(33) and my ex F(33) have been in a relationship for 7 years. We had known one another in high school and dated several times since. She eventually moved in with me and had no job or money so I covered all the bills while she looked for work.
I was looking for a house when she came back into my life, she did not want the responsibility of a house, and she wasn't sure she wanted to live where we were residing.
Eventually she decided to house shop with me, she had say in what she liked or disliked and luckily right before covid, we found one we both liked, now mind you, she didn't want ANYTHING to do with the house, just wanted her likes and dislikes to be deciding factors.
She didn't want to be on the loan, she didn't want to pitch in for the down-payment, none of the Financials or paperwork was done with her because she didn't want to be part of it.
Later she would cry about how she's not on the loan so the house isn't technically hers so I could just kick her out and she would have nothing; I would reassure her that we're together so it's ours and that I would never do that.
Anyhow, for nearly our entire relationship she's wanted me to quit my job, finally for medical reasons I had to leave my job, at the time she was glad for me to leave as she had finally found a job and had been working there for two years.
I was very hesitant as I've never had to rely on others financially since i left my parents house but she assured me we would get through it as a team and that I had enough in savings to where I wouldn't need a job for almost a year.
Now I have been searching for work for about 6 months but haven't had any luck, two months ago we had an argument and she told me she's tired of our relationship and doesn't want to be with me anymore.
I told her I needed space to process so I took a few days and we had a discussion in which she said she didn't want to leave me with the house as she knows I'm unemployed and am making the mortgage payment by consuming my life savings. I told her i appreciate that and I'll still not kick her out and I'll respect her as a roommate and friend.
Today she told me we need to get a game plan for the mortgage because me getting a job isn't working. I didn't understand and said I'm working on it and I'll figure it out.
She suggested we sell the house and split the funds, I told her i have no intention of doing so and she got super upset; saying I'm being an awful person because of the position I'm putting her in (she cut off her family like 8 months ago).
She also suggested I just pay her however much money she's paid in rent over the course of our 7 year relationship, she's only paid rent 2 years and we lived in the house for 3.
She's only just started to deposit money into our joint bank account when she got her job and even then it wasn't even half the mortgage, nor was it used for the house bills, the money always went to eating out/groceries and her pets/vet bills. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
EnderBurger
NTA. But you need to get her out of there. Give her the required notice (30 days or 60 days) and push her out. If she demands that you disgorge money she paid you over the years, tough luck. That was explicitly rent, not an ownership interest in the house.
Kixaxstyx
NTA. She's not on the mortgage/paperwork so she doesn't really have much of a say. Since she's your ex-girlfriend at this point I would argue she's not even a roommate so much as a tenant. I'd probably speak to a lawyer before things can start spiraling.
PumpkinPowerful3292
NTA - You owe her nothing, just kick her out and keep the house. You're the only one on the deed so she is out of luck, not her house, not her decision. And then live happier ever after.
olieviashine
You're definitely not the stupid one here. You've been carrying the financial burden for a long time and were clear about home ownership from the start. It's unreasonable for him to expect you to sell the house because your job search isn't over yet. You have been more helpful, and him asking for money for past rent and asking for a sale now seems unfair under the circumstances.
Electrical-Ad-1798
Sounds like a girlfriend and not a wife although you didn't say that explicitly. If that's the case you own a house and she doesn't, but you should have had her sign a lease instead of viewing any contribution she made as contributing to a mortgage (which you have and she doesn't).
You have a joint account for some reason, and the two of you will have to disentangle from that. Whatever you do with the house is your business and not hers, although you might have to evict her if she doesn't leave.
Dull_Weakness1658
Get her out now. She does not own any part of the house. Can you find a room mate? How many bedrooms do you have? That money would help you keep the house. Of course we know you are job hunting. Get yout money out of the joint account like yesterday.
1962Michael
NTA. It's your house and your mortgage. She didn't want to be "on the hook" for the mortgage, and she's not. It's pretty clear that she has been quick to take whatever assistance is offered, but isn't prepared to support you in the same way. Now she wants out with whatever she can get.
You don't owe her half the equity in the house and you don't owe her the money she's paid in rent either. Before you had the house, if she was giving you rent money I assume you paid the rent with it. And if she paid you rent to "help out with the mortgage" well she was living there and not paying rent elsewhere.