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'AITA for not serving as much food as I know my dinner guests will want to eat?' UPDATED 3X + RECIPE

'AITA for not serving as much food as I know my dinner guests will want to eat?' UPDATED 3X + RECIPE

"AITA for not serving as much food as I know my dinner guests will want to eat?"

First, I want to be clear that I do not believe in body-shaming or food policing. Having lost 100 lbs myself and working on another 50, I have no place to judge anyone for what they eat.

I pride myself on being a generous host who makes my guests comfortable and feeds them well. Nobody leaves my house hungry has always been my rule.

The problem:

I have a friend group who meets monthly at either my or "Joan's" home for dinner (nobody else has enough space to host). Recently, "Polly" announced she had a girlfriend, which made us all happy. Polly has been lonely for a long time.

I was the first to host "Melissa." Melissa is 500-600 lbs. I've never met anyone that big, but I hid my surprise and was warm and welcoming. No problem; I have sturdy furniture.

For dinner, I served bowls of salad, then soup. Melissa insisted on keeping her empty bowls at the table. I didn't think much of it; I'm not Emily Post. Then I brought out the main course, two 9X13 pans of 14-layer lasagna, cut into 8 pieces each.

There were 10 of us altogether. I told people to dig in as I got the bread out of the oven. When I got back to the dining room, everyone looked so shocked I thought my cat had farted (his mouse farts could suffocate an elephant).

Then I saw that Melissa had four pieces of lasagna heaped on her plate, two in her salad bowl, and two in her soup bowl. Polly was glaring like "don't you dare say a word." Melissa seemed utterly oblivious. I didn't know what to do. I just sat down.

Joan and I shared one piece of lasagna, and everyone else got a full piece. I cut the cake into equal portions for dessert, but I had to make an extra batch of sauce and get an extra tub of ice cream out. Melissa ate at least a litre.

The next month, on Joan's turn, she served every course pre-plated, and when Melissa asked for extra, Joan apologized and said there was none (truth; Joan is very organized and precise).

Melissa and Polly left right after dinner, and Polly texted Joan, berating her for "controlling" Melissa's eating. Polly also texted me saying she trusted I'd be sensitive to Melissa's needs on my next turn.

That turn is almost here. My plan was roast dinner (pork and beef). I can easily make lots of cheap veg and dessert, but meat is pricey right now, and I'd have to serve twice the norm to satisfy Melissa.

I know I cannot just trust she'll take a tenth of what's there, considering she grabbed a whole lasagna last time.. So do I suck it up and just buy much larger roasts? Do I make a few big batches of cheap soup and biscuits and serve that rather than strain my budget?

I don't want to upset Melissa or be a stingy host, but I have never dealt with someone like this before. I was obese, but I would have eaten maybe 2 pieces of lasagna. Not 8. Do I just serve a reasonable-sized meal and tell Polly and Melissa "sorry, that's all I have"? AITA if I serve less food than I know my guests will want?

Edited to add... everyone in the group who doesn't cook (so 7 people before Melissa joined) chips in $25 per meal to whoever hosts. That, until inflation got so bad, covered enough of the food cost to make it feasible.

Joan and I have both been simplifying our menus a bit to deal with rising costs, but the idea is to give ourselves and our friends a night off from the humdrum world and pretend we live glamorous, elegant lives.

We use fine china and dress nicely and play classical music. Right before Melissa, I was going to ask if we could increase the chip-in to $30 a plate. I have the most resources out of anyone in the group, and I can afford to go out-of-pocket a bit more than Joan.

None of the rest have the money, space, or culinary skills to put this together. Joan and I can cook like Julia Child. We are a ragtag lot with a variety of neurodivergences and mental health issues. These meals give us something special to look forward to.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Let Polly know she needs to start chipping in to feed her girlfriend or they don't get invited.

The alternative is to have it at her place even though there isn't enough room.

To add on: honestly i think they should all be pitching in, food wise or money wise for the groceries. They’re hosting AND paying for/making all the food? And they’re supposed to accept that just because they have houses that are roomy enough to fit everyone comfortably?

NTA. Melissa sounds like a terrible person, sorry to say, but she’s taking half of the entire meal in a group setting without thinking of others? Very inconsiderate and disrespectful.

mocha_lattes_

NTA she ate an entire lasagna by herself. She didn't even make sure there was enough for everyone else to eat. I'd straight up uninvite her or tell her she is being rude. Polly is being a really bad friend and partner.

The fact that she took extra bowls shows that she was taking as much as she can while being aware that it wasn't enough for everyone. Otherwise she could have taken eight pieces one after the other and probably wouldn't have been shamed. If she can't wait to take extras until everyone is served I honestly wouldn't invite her to my home.

UncivilVegetable

NTA. Melissa and Polly are exceptionally rude and inconsiderate. I'd try to figure out a way to address it if you want to remain friends because this behavior isn't likely to change on its own. I'm pretty sure you already know this though. You are obviously not responsible for cooking 3-4 additional portions for 1 person.

The OP then added:

(OP)

I do know it won't change and that it's going to keep causing problems. Thankfully Polly isn't on Reddit, so I can post this. Melissa is extremely mentally ill if she's eating so much, and I shudder to think what trauma in her life brought her to this point.

I don't want to hurt her more. I have my own guilt from my years of overeating other people's food. Polly has been lonely for so long, and I don't want to upset her current happiness.

To clarify... the whole group does help pitch in with costs. I didn't have space in the first post to explain. The rest of the group gives whoever hosts, Joan or I, $25 per meal.

It doesn't cover all costs, but it helps enough to make it feasible to pretend we're in Julia Child's world for an evening instead of our own humdrum lives. Inflation's making it harder, but we manage.

My elaborate lasagnas went considerably over budget (3 meats 6 cheeses), but I love the decadence of them and expected to have some left over to freeze. Few people eat more than one piece, especially since I bake bread and serve soup and salad.

Polly is so fiercely protective of Melissa I suspect she'd drop out rather than pay more. Maybe that's inevitable. I know that if we do something, Joan and I must present a united front, so I'm going to glean ideas from this post and talk to her.

I hate this. I want my friends to be happy. My cultural background is all about "eat, eat, eat... now eat some more!" I feel like a hypocrite, but this situation is so far beyond anything I've ever experienced.

I grew up feeding Dutch farm boys during harvest season, and I don't think even one of them could have eaten an entire lasagna even if given the chance. I know we are supposed to accommodate illnesses and disabilities, and Melissa is most definitely ill.

But this feels more like enabling an addiction. I don't serve booze when there is an active alcoholic in the house. Is it fair to look at it through that lens instead of the hypocrisy of a former overeater policing food?

The easy answer is to throw out any of the food issues, and simply ask yourself is Melissa a kind and thoughtful person? The answer is no. Whatever is behind her actions is not a reason to be rude, greedy, and self serving to the point of causing others harm.

I'm in the 100+ weight loss club too- never did my food addiction cause me to act like this. I might have hit a drive thru on the way home, but never would I be such a thoughtless, selfish guest.

Absolutely brilliantly said!!!!! I could not agree more and absolutely love that you took the food out of the conversation and highlighted the true issue! They are rude, entitled, self-absorbed, ungrateful AHs and that has nothing to do with size!!!

Six days later, the OP returned with an update.

Excrement is hitting the fan right now. I thought I was safe because I knew Polly didn't use Reddit. But apparently Melissa told an online friend about 14-layer lasagna, and that friend saw the post and showed it to her. Stupid me, wanting to show off my culinary prowess! Apparently I'm not the only one this has happened to. I was silly to think "Oh, it couldn't happen to me!"

So, Melissa and Polly are at my house now, enraged, and my dad the semi-retired crisis counsellor is talking to them whilst I wait downstairs in my suite and cry. Yes, I am hiding behind my parents, but they are calmer and more objective, and I am too anxious have a rational conversation with Polly and Melissa.

Update:, it sounds like they've split them off. Dad is in one room talking to Melissa. Mum is in another, talking to Polly. I cannot get close enough to eavesdrop, and my damn cat won't tell me what he's hearing. Might as well take this time to answer some common questions:

The chip-in has been $25 per person who doesn't cook. Joan and I never pay, regardless of who hosts. So we have been working off a budget of $175 because the group is nine people and seven pay. Last night and this morning we decided to increase the chip-in to $35.

As of this moment, Melissa is only invited if she sticks to appropriate portions because no matter how much she pays, the rest of the group does not want to watch her eat like that. Is that mean? I don't know. But, given the yelling from upstairs, I don't know if she or Polly will ever return.

For those who think I cannot have sturdy enough furniture... my dad is a very large man. My now-deceased Opa and my uncle custom-built most of the furniture in the house, least the stuff he would sit on. Dad has lost a lot, but everyone in the family has a good chair or two for him to sit on in their homes.

Polly has helped me through a lot and has had a very difficult life, so I am loathe to upset her. I understand now that I need to grow a spine and that I don't need to be a doormat. I built this group and started the parties in part because restaurants aren't an option for all involved. We have a plethora of metal, physical, and neurospicy health issues going on. One of us has dwarfism and doesn't like being stared at.

The parties are our escape from difficult lives. We dress up in vintage glam costumes we've found at thrift stores or made for ourselves and pretend that we are in Golden Age Hollywood or something. It's a big deal, and both Joan and I truly love to cook and host.

I like cooking fancy food because I have to cook healthfully the rest of the time for my own weight loss and my diabetic parents. I do not want my parties to turn into salad and lentil fests. I eat that the rest of the time.

For whoever suggested a crawdad boil... we are landlocked in Canada. Beef is cheaper than crawdads around here. I haven't cooked much Southern Soul food, but it's a possibility if we don't include seafood because it costs the Earth.

Polly sees Melissa's issues as a disability we should accommodate. She compared it to Dad building a wheelchair ramp onto the front porch for my granny and auntie. But I now understand that letting Melissa gorge is not a kindness.

It's enabling very dangerous behaviour. She could keel over in my dining room, and we do not want to deal with all the paperwork that would create. I honestly did think that everyone who was morbidly obese and addicted to food got that way from trauma because my sister and I did.

I wasn't actually deprived of lasagna. Joan and I often share a piece. I've had bariatric surgery and cannot eat much, and Joan prefers salad and bread and only a small portion of something as rich as lasagna.

I'll post the recipe once I remember all of it. It's a combo of a few different ones and some right from my head. I'm extremely stressed right now, so remembering ingredients isn't working.

I was wrong on Melissa's weight. She's 490 lbs. My bad; I am not good at estimating those things. I would be much calmer right now and not be having chest pain if this was rage-bait. I wish it was rage-bait. Sorry to disappoint.

Please don't call Melissa derogatory names. This is not about hating on fat people. I was looking for advice on how to approach her obesity and food addiction behaviour with fairness and compassion.

Also, thanks for all the kind and helpful things people said. Some of the douchey ones gave me a laugh, like the eejit who thought two enormous lasagnas doesn't feed 10 people. I'll write another post when things are resolved.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP update:

Point of fact, the polite thing to do as a guest is to take one portion and eat it, and then if there is left over, take another...if there is still left, ask if you can have more.... You do not take half the food and think you are in the right...And yes, at my highest, I was 315lb... and I never want to go back...NTA.

Grace_Alcock

Yeah, I still think the weight thing is totally beside the point. This is about having atrocious manners as a guest. Melissa needs to act like a civilized human.

Radio_Mime

Yes, that's really it. It's Melissa's lack of manners and consideration for others that are the issue. Few people of any size will go to someone else's house and take far more than their fair share.

Melissa can eat however she wants, but she can buy it and make it herself. She has no business taking so much of someone else's food and potentially leaving someone else with less.

Two days later, the OP returned with another update.

First off, thanks to everyone who responded kindly. I'm still working through all the private messages, and I'll get there. Also, I'm still working on remembering the whole lasagna recipe. I'll post it when I do.

First, an apology. I knew Polly didn't use Reddit, but I was foolish and didn't think that Melissa might. I was out of line with some of what I said, like calling it a live mukbang show, and for that I apologize.

This post was not supposed to be about fat-shaming, and I did, in my comments, fat-shame. That is on me, and I apologize. I do not hate Melissa for being obese. My problem has solely been about the etiquette and fairness of the food consumption and the stress it puts on me to see someone binge-eat so severely when I battle that disorder.

Update...
That day they came to my house, I did eventually speak to Melissa and Polly after they calmed down. Melissa has always dreamed of having friends who would accept her as she is and be in a group where she can eat the way she does without judgment.

Polly believed that I would provide that. I told them that I cannot, because I almost ate myself to death, and helping someone else do it is too much. Also, most of my other guests were uncomfortable. I said I would provide double portions to Melissa (which is a LOT of food), but no more. I did not mention the cost, because I didn't want them to offer to pay as a way around it.

They said they'd think about it, but Polly messaged me a few days later and said that she could not forgive me humiliating her partner online unless I showed true remorse by "giving Melissa what she needs" (an unlimited buffet at my home). So our friendship is over. Another member of the group has sided with Polly, upset at the fact that I discussed this online.

So that is where we're at. My group has shrunk. We'll grow again; there are a few people we are going to discuss who might make good additions. But we skipped this month's party because of the stress and drama.

As to whether I should have discussed it online at all... I've decided that I'm not sorry for that. I changed enough details that someone outside the circle would not recognize it. Some genders, names, ages, medical conditions, who has what career, which relatives I live with, who has what career, have been altered to preserve anonymity.

I needed advice, and I thought anonymously online would be better than asking a bunch of people I knew, because I did not want to tell people who knew Melissa about what happened.

Edited to add:
Here is the lasagna recipe as well as I can remember it. No, I do not photograph my food. Too old for that trend. Also, here is the Lasagna Recipe.

Edited to add... I remember now that Melissa did go to the bathroom I think twice during the meal. I'm wondering if she purged in those trips. That would make it easier to consume that much food.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP update:

Thank you for the update. The sad thing is that Melissa is seeking out people to validate her behaviour, instead of taking accountability in her sheer rudeness and inconsideration of others.

It’s also weird that Polly didn’t give you a heads up and just assumed you’d be okay with it. It honestly sounds like you will be better off without them. And I’m certain your friendship circle will find the people it needs and be stronger for it.

As for posting online, I think if the comments went Melissa’s way, they wouldn’t have cared so much. Melissa is focused on people being fatphobic when really we’re calling out her lack of manners.

(OP)

I asked Polly. She knew I might have said no if she'd warned me, but she thought if I met Melissa and liked her and saw what a need it was for her, I'd be more likely to accommodate. That felt a bit like she was using my own history with obesity and food addiction to manipulate me into empathizing. Her saying that made it easier for me to decide to let the friendship go.

I think online like this is a perfect place to get some outside opinions, and I think you handled it better than I would have and probably better than most people would have. It sucks to lose a friend but I’d be willing to bet if they ever part ways she’ll be back, and you can choose whether or not to accept her back.

The OP then returned one last time.

Edited to add.... this is not a once-a-month recipe to add to the rotation. Also to add an ingredient I forgot. This is a special occasion, I want to show off/make someone feel incredibly special sort of recipe. I make it like twice a year for a particular group of people I love very much. I posted it because I mentioned it in another group and a bunch of people were asking.

14-Layer Lasagna

This is my “I must be crazy” lasagna recipe that a bunch of people have asked me to post. It’s incredibly decadent but quite delicious.

It’s from a mix of other recipes, including some hints from Kenji and from my mum's recipe, and some from my head. You might find yourself adjusting measurements or seasonings to suit your own palate.

I tend to cook by feel and instinct, so these measurements are about the closest I can come. But lasagna really is one of those foods that nobody uses exact recipes for, so see this as a guide.

I usually make this over 2 or 3 days because it tastes better to let the sauces sit and then the assembled lasagnas sit to let the flavours mingle, but it’s still good if you have to do it all the same day. Warning… that will be one LONG day. Give yourself 8 hours from start till serving time.

First off, you need a pan at least 6 inches deep, because this thing gets TALL. Mine end up somewhere between 4-6 inches tall, depending on how thick I make the layers. And this is 4-6 inches on a ruler, not what your last hookup told you was 4-6 inches. This recipe is for two 9X13 pans, because that’s usually how I make it.

You have to cut everything in half if you're just doing one, but that's way too much work to just make one lasagna, so make two and put one in the freezer. They'll freeze well (just don't add the top cheese). Let it thaw for 2 days in the fridge before baking. It takes for freaking ever to thaw.

A note about the meats: Veal and lamb tend to be fattier meats, so you’ll lose more volume to melted fat that you’ll need to drain out. So if you’re using lean ground beef, use more veal and lamb than you do beef if you want the meat amounts to be equal.

Component Ingredients:

Beef Sauce: 500-650 grams ground beef (around 1-1.5 lbs). Salt and pepper to taste. 250 grams chopped onion (about a cup). 250 grams finely chopped celery (about a cup). 4 tbsp olive oil. 2 cloves minced garlic.

A few sprigs basil leaves, chopped finely. A few sprigs oregano leaves, chopped finely. 2 bay leaves. 2 tbsp fish sauce. 250 ml red wine. 250 ml milk. 750-1000 ml pureed tomatoes (Use the higher amount if the tomatoes are fresh; you can do the lower amount if they’re canned because they’ve already reduced some).

Lamb Sauce: 500-650 grams ground lamb (around 1.5 lbs). Salt and pepper to taste. 250 grams chopped onion (about 1 cup). 250 grams chopped carrot (about 1 cup). 4 tbsp olive oil. 2 cloves minced garlic. A few sprigs of finely chopped rosemary leaves (at least 3 tbsp). A few sprigs of finely chopped oregano (a bit less than the rosemary). 1 tbsp cumin.

1 tbsp pureed anchovy paste. 250 ml dry white wine. 250 ml milk. 750-1000 ml pureed tomatoes (Use the higher amount if the tomatoes are fresh; you can do the lower amount if they’re canned because they’ve already reduced some).

Veal Sauce: 500-650 grams ground veal (around 1.5 lb). Salt and pepper to taste. 250 grams chopped onion (about 1 cup). 250 grams chopped leek (about 1 cup). 4 tbsp olive oil. 2 cloves minced garlic. A few sprigs of finely chopped basil leaves.

A few sprigs of finely chopped parsley. A few sprigs of finely chopped marjoram. 2 tbsp fish sauce. 250 ml chicken stock. 250 ml milk. 750-1000 ml pureed tomatoes (Use the higher amount if the tomatoes are fresh; you can do the lower amount if they’re canned because they’ve already reduced some)

A note about sauces: If you don’t want to do three separate sauces, you can mix all three meats together. Basically, just throw all the ingredients of all of the sauces in the same pot, following the procedure I outline below. It will be tasty, with very layered, complex flavour.

Ricotta Cheese Blend: 1.5 litres ricotta. 750 gm grated parmigiano-reggiano or parmigiano… get the fresh stuff and grate... do not sully this beautiful piece of culinary artwork with powder, please. 500 gm grated old white cheddar 6 eggs. I cup finely chopped parsley.

Pasta: If you’re using premade noodles, you’ll need 18-30 PER LASAGNA, depending on how many you like to put on each layer. Minimum coverage is 3 noodles per layer, but I often do five to ensure max coverage, and my pans are a little bigger than 9X13. So, altogether you need 36-60. If you’re making your own pasta in sheets, remember each lasagna needs six layers of pasta.

Top Cheese: 1000 grams grated mozzarella and 4 large balls of fresh mozzarella. I use the ones that are like the size of a small fist. You might want more or less. Sometimes I add in some old white cheddar here, too.

Component Instructions:

Meat Sauces (the procedure is the same for all three):

Note: Have EVERYTHING chopped, measured, and ready to go, at least for the first time you make it. Goes much easier and you won't burn anything.

The herbs, I always use fresh, and unless otherwise stated, I tend to use about 2 tbsp of each in each sauce. Some people might find this a bit overpowering, so you might wish to start with less and adjust to taste halfway through the cooking process. Brown the meat. Drain the fat if there’s too much. Add in salt and pepper to taste.

Add vegetables, cook till onions soften some. The rest of the veg will soften nicely during the simmering, but onions don’t do that well. Take meat and veg out of pan and set aside. Heat olive oil in pan on medium to medium high.

Add garlic, cook for a minute or two until it starts to get a bit brown but don’t burn it. Add half the herbs and anchovy/fish sauce for those sauces, stir for just a minute to activate the flavour oils, but don’t brown or burn them.

Add wine/stock immediately. Stir the pan with a wooden spoon to deglace and get the stuck bits off the bottom. Add milk. Add meat and veg back in. Add tomatoes. Cook on low for 1.5-3 hours, stirring every 20 mins.

You want a bit of simmering, but not too much because the stuff on the bottom will burn. Add the other half of the herbs halfway through cooking, leaving some out if you think the taste will be too strong. The sauce volume will reduce because there is a lot of water in there, but remember that you’ll need about 1.5 litres of each in the end.

You can get by with less, depending on how thick you like your layers. I like mine thick, so 1.5 litres works for me. Taste your sauces at the end. You might want to adjust for flavours, adding salt or something.

Depends on how you like things to taste. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of salt. Take the bay leaves out of the beef sauce. Best to let the sauces sit overnight in the fridge if you have time, but it’s okay if you don’t.

Ricotta Cheese Blend: Make this right before you assemble. Whisk the eggs, then add the ricotta and parsley, then fold in the other cheeses. It will be a bit runny, but the eggs will cook and firm it up in the oven.

Pasta: Cook your noodles to al dente unless you’re using the kind that need no cooking. If you use cooked noodles, I advise you rinse them in cold water and throw in a bit of olive oil so they don’t stick together. Then have a huge bowlful of them ready for when it’s time to assemble.

Top Cheese: don’t worry about that yet; it doesn’t go on until halfway through the baking.

Assembly: GREASE YOUR PANS.

I mean, it’s still gonna be a mess, but this helps a bit. If you’re not good at eyeballing measurements, divide your components into the right number of layers first. Put each meat sauce into two bowls with a bit more than a third in each, and then two bowls with the remaining sauces mixed together.

So all together to make 2 lasagnas, you need 2 bowls of beef sauce, 2 bowls of veal sauce, 2 bowls of lamb sauce, and then 2 bowls of the remnants mixed up. I cannot do the math on how to divide that, so you’ll have to figure it out. All those bowls of sauce should be close to equal in amount. I like at least 500 ml for each meat sauce layer, but you can make do with a less.

For the ricotta cheese mix, you need three bowls of sauce for each lasagna, so 6 altogether. I like at least 500 ml of mix per layer. The amount in the recipe should come close.

Each lasagna goes in this order:

Beef sauce, Pasta, Ricotta cheese mix, Pasta, Lamb sauce, Pasta, Ricotta cheese mix, Pasta, Veal sauce, Pasta, Ricotta cheese mix, Pasta and Mix of meat sauces.

Stop there. If you’re baking the next day, wrap them tight in plastic wrap, put them in the fridge overnight (the flavours mix better). But same-day baking is fine, too. If it's same-day baking, go to Baking Time and Temp.

If you’re baking the next day, let the lasagnas sit on the counter a bit before you put them in the oven. This is super important if you’re using a glass dish, because sometimes those crack with sudden temperature changes. I live in a cold climate, so my house is usually cool. I would not advise leaving something with raw eggs on the counter for a long time in Florida summer heat.

Baking Temp and Time:

I use a convection over at about 300-325 degrees F.

These puppies are THICK, so you don’t want the outside to cook too fast whilst the middle is raw. So don’t go too hot, even with a convection oven. It might take you a few tries to figure out what works best for you.

Cover each lasagne with foil (SHINY SIDE DOWN) and bake for about an hour to a hour and a half. I do an hour if I'm making it all the same day and the sauces are warm, an hour and a half if I've chilled them overnight. Take them out. Leave oven on.

Uncover and add the fresh and the grated mozzarella. I usually lay the fresh down in slices and then sprinkle the grated overtop. How much cheese you want is really up to you.

Carefully tent the foil (SHINY SIDE DOWN) round the edge of each pan to prevent the edges from burning. Grease the foil if it might touch the cheese so it doesn't stick. Leave the middle open so steam can escape or the lasagna will be way too juicy. Put them back in and bake for another hour or hour and a half.

Note on Temperature and Baking Time: Oven temperatures are really variable, so you have to pay attention. One to two hours into the baking process, cut into the middle of each lasagna, all the way down, and see if the layers are cooked through. Check again every 30 mins. The ricotta layers will be kind of firm, and of course everything’s piping hot.

My oven takes almost 3 hours to bake them through after I've put them in the fridge overnight (I usually do that because I'm way too lazy to make everything the same day), but others might be different. If you do all cooking and assembly on the same day and the sauces are hot when they go in the pan, that will reduce cooking time.

So, what do you think about this one? The incident and the recipe. If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit,Reddit,Reddit
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