'AITA for refusing to share my pizza with my boyfriend?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to share my pizza with my boyfriend?"
I recently started dating Andy, a couple of months ago. At first he tried to impress me but the longer I know him, the more I start to see he's selfish and thoughtless. He's a lodger in an elderly couple's house, and the old woman makes him his dinner every night.
On multiple occasions, when I've stayed over at their house with him for a weekend, I have received no food. (I mean, in the evening when they eat their dinner. We go out during the day and I buy my own breakfast or lunch at a cafe.)
The first time it happened, Andy referred to dinner time, saying it was going to be roast chicken. Of course I thought I was getting some. At 8pm the old woman called us down for dinner, and I followed Andy into the sitting room.
The old lady brought his dinner in and gave it to him. I thought mine was coming next but it never did. He sat there and ate his dinner and nobody offered me anything.
He finished his dinner, took his plate into the kitchen and that was that. I was too shocked and embarrassed to ask where mine was. That was it, nothing was said about feeding me. And I was sleeping over, so they knew I wasn't eating anything.
This happened again, and again. The third time while Andy was eating I said, "I think I'll order a takeaway." Andy asked why and I said, "I'm hungry." He said it's stupid ordering a takeaway at this time of night.
I said, well, am I just supposed to go hungry every time I stay at your house? He seemed annoyed that I ordered a takeaway. (I'm not fat by the way so its not like he's trying to get me to lose weight.)
Anyway one weekend he was staying over at my house. We went to the funfair and when we got home we found that my family had ordered pizzas. They had ordered a whole one just for me. I took it and Andy and I went up to my room. I put the tv on, sat down, opened the pizza box and started eating without offering him any.
By the time I was on my second slice he reached over for some and said "Can I have some?" I moved the box away from him and said, "No. When I'm at your house, you eat your dinner in front of me and offered me nothing. So you can't have any of mine."
I ate half the pizza then I was full. I closed the box, picked it up and stood up. Andy said "If you've finished can I have the rest?" I said, "No, I'll save it for tomorrow." And I went and put it in the fridge. He thinks I'm being a petty AH, I think I'm perfectly justified.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Foolish-Pleasure99
NTA. That's hilarious. Now you've shown him what a self-oriented asswipe he is, please drop him and find a functioning human being. If I stayed over a partner's place and they fully had no awareness I would need to be fed I wouldn't look back.
lihzee
ESH. Why are you still dating this guy? You don't even sound like you like him.
servncuntt
We’re not in men scarcity op. It’s okay to fine a new one. you are putting yourself in this position.
Impossible-Seat-4461
NTA, but Andy sounds like a tool for not even offering you a bite when you stayed over.
Just_a_femboi_4624
Def NTA. Eating in front of people without asking if they’re hungry/would like some is rude af, even more so if their your partner. Love that you gave him a taste of his own medicine, and hope you ended things. Doesn’t sound like a recipe for a particularly healthy relationship.
Supernova-Max
NTA I'm so curious how he defends himself when you reminded him you dont eat nothing when your with him.
DontSharePizza OP responded:
The time I said I would order a pizza at his house he said I'm stupid and the time I ate in front of him and said he couldn't have any because he wouldn't share with me he just sat there with a shocked expression, looking like he'd been slapped.
animaniactoo
NTA: I am assuming there are other redeeming qualities about this guy and you find it worth the effort to try and get through his obliviousness on this subject. I hope that your next move is to say "How you're feeling right now? This is how I feel every time I spend the night at your place." and that the penny DOES drop for him.
If he doesn't, or he tries to argue in any way shape or form how it is different (considering that he also was arguing about you getting takeaway so that you WOULD have food), I think it will be extremely clear that you need to ditch him and not look back.
Alarming_Physics4188
NTA, and as a currently single guy, his attitude boggles my mind. I couldn't imagine not making sure a guest was fed, even if they came back to my place well after dinner.
Even if I wasn't planning to have someone ever, "Are you hungry? All I have at the moment is sandwich stuff." Eating dinner in front of someone, that's just messed up, even worse that he didn't seem to grasp that you might be hungry.
Right? Like why would either of them even bother at this point? I’m guessing OP would need to pay for a meal at the BF’s house (he’s lodging there and meal would be part of his fee) — has neither of them discussed this?
DontSharePizza OP:
I would understand if his landlady didn't want to feed me. But in that case I would expect him to mention it beforehand, not talk about dinner as if I'm getting some and then just eat in front of me. He could have said, "You won't get dinner at my house, you'll have to bring/order something." Not ignore me and then get pissy when I order a takeaway.
In the comments OP gave this update:
marilynmansonfuckme
INFO: Why are you still dating this guy if you find him to be selfish and thoughtless?
DontSharePizza OP responded:
I have decided to finish with him. You realise it takes time to realise someone isn't nice? He put on a nice act at first but lately the mask has slipped.