'AITA for not shoveling snow right after giving birth?'
"AITA for not shoveling snow right after giving birth?"
I (21F) gave birth three days ago to a beautiful baby girl. We got home from the hospital earlier today. My husband (29M) is beyond excited. He arranged for his parents to come over for dinner and to meet the baby.
He asked me to make a duck roast, potato salad, beef, tartare, squash soup, steak and two different pies, (pumpkin and pecan). I am really exhausted. And I’m struggling to care for the newborn and our toddler (2M) at the same time.
I exclusively breast-feed per my husband’s suggestion. But I agreed to make the dinner because I am a really good cook. I needed to run to the grocery store to get some ingredients. But my car and our driveway were covered by inches of snow.
My body is really hurting so I asked my husband if he could shovel the snow for me, and I can then drive to the grocery store with the newborn and our toddler. (In our household, the children are solely my responsibility because I gave birth to them.)
My husband refused to shovel snow because I am the one on maternity leave (I am a physics professor at Harvard and they have a pretty generous maternity leave policy) so I should be the one taking care of all of the household chores.
I know that my husband is ultimately right as he has to go back to working at McDonald’s the next day. He is a cashier, so he hast to be constantly on his feet. However, I really didn’t have the strength to shovel snow in the moment. Our driveway is huge. I bought the house using the money I got from winning a Nobel prize last year.
We don’t hire any help around the house because my husband believes it is my responsibility as a woman to run things smoothly without wasting money on things that I can do myself.
I asked my husband if he could shovel the snow for me, but he refused and mentioned that my waist had grown over an inch from my pre-pregnancy body. I used to have a 9 inch waist but now it’s grown to 10 inches. My husband said I could really use shoveling snow as a form of exercise to lose some weight.
Because I was exhausted and hurting badly. I told him that I won’t go to the grocery store unless he shovel the snow for me. He became really upset and began calling me a lazy a hole. He claimed that I disrespected him and his parents by not being enthusiastic about hosting. I feel very conflicted, do I have the right to say no in this case or am I just lazy?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
YTA I was shovelling snow while giving birth to quadruplets in a blizzard because that's what it means to be a new mum! You don't get to be lazy and only work 24 hours a day. You have to steal Bernard's Watch and work at least another 18.
NTA. You just gave birth. Let the newborn and toddler start earning their keep. /s
YTA for not describing your post pregnancy boobs.
zebra223 (OP)
Sorry! I wear a 24DDD! Hope this puts things more into perspective.
YTA. You do realize how tired your husband must be after having to attend your labor+delivery?* + Being forced to deal with a pregnant woman for long periods of time must have put massive strain on his body. Why force him to do hard labor after all he's been through? That's just cruel... 🙄 what a b-word.
zebra223 (OP)
Well, in the hospital he complained about the couch hurting his back so I let him have the more comfortable hospital bed instead. Still I’m really grateful that he was there for the birth of our beautiful baby girl.
Frankly, I think your husband should leave. I can’t believe you’re so lazy and selfish.
I know right!!! All she did was give birth! He’s been slinging hash all day down at the McDonald’s and have you seen that morning rush? Sheesh! Unbareable!
The two year old should be doing something I mean at what point is she going to make those kids earn their keep? The little one is occupying a whole tit at the very least the toddler can shovel some snow! That poor man I can’t imagine what he’s putting up with.
You are not the AH. First of all, as everyone knows, you should not be having visitors until the baby is at least 14.5 years old. Your in-laws shouldn’t have met your toddler yet.
Additionally, when they are allowed to come, they need to bring enough food to stock you up for 14 more years and they should renovate your house while viewing your teenager from a distance as you hold him or her. Obviously, you won’t put either child down until HS graduation. If your husband doesn’t understand this, mommy influencers on Instagram can explain. Good luck!
NTA you gave birth to a beautiful baby. Now if you had given birth to an ugly baby that would be a different story.
Edit: YTA. Just noticed you gave birth to a GIRL!?! it’s your job to give your husband a SON to continue his lineage, not spout out more mouths to feed.
YTA for not using that Nobel money to get a Ariens Deluxe 30 EFI to blow the snow like you should be blowing your husband for gracing you with child.
You are the major AH! First, you feminize your husband by leaving it up to him to become the social event planner. Which, as a woman, you know you should have immediately invited his parents to your home as soon as you got out of the hospital.
But secondly, and more importantly, not once did you mention being in agony from your "husband stitch" procedure after giving birth. And the only conclusion that can be made is that you did NOT get that vital step done. Now, your floppy vag is going to feel like the grand canyon. All that education and money, but zero brains!