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'AITA for not taking in my sister’s baby even though we will possibly adopt another child?'

'AITA for not taking in my sister’s baby even though we will possibly adopt another child?'


"AITA for not taking in my sister’s baby even though we will possibly be adopting another child?"

My 17 year old half sister is pregnant. She did not want an abortion. It too late at this point anyway. She also does not want to give her baby up for adoption. Our dad and her mom are not supportive of this at all.

They said if she has a baby she’s going to have to figure everything out on her own and as soon as she turns 18 she has to move out.

My husband and I also have been looking into alternative ways to have children because of fertility issues. We ourselves have already gone through the process of fostering only for the child to be taken away and given back to their biological mother.

While we know it was for the good of the child and their mother it was still heartbreaking for us. We don’t want to go through that again. So we looked into a private adoption and we’re expecting possibly having a baby in a few months. Of course we’re trying not to get overly excited just in case things fall through.

My sister thinks the best solution is for us to raise her baby for a few years while she finishes school and gets herself established in a career. She thinks it will be too hard to do that while she takes care of her baby on her own and also pointed out that we are already preparing care for a baby.

We aren’t enthusiastic about this idea because we are not confident about handling two babies at once. So taking my sisters baby would mean we would have to pass on the other baby.

The situation with my sister's baby would be the same situation with fostering. We would raise a child for years only for the child to be taken away and we don’t want to do that again. My sister says it’s different because we’ll still get to see and know her child as their aunt and uncle.

It doesn’t seem likely we’d be able to see the child very often after they go back to my sister since we live so far away. It would be a different matter if we were adopting her baby, but she doesn’t want that.

We didn’t push it, but she was quite angry at the suggestion and accused of us coercing her to give up her baby like our dad and her mom. She is insisting she just wants it to be temporary until she is financially self sufficient.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TheRealMcCheese said:

NTA. What she's describing is putting your dreams on hold so she can have a free nanny (edit: and a cost-free child). Her body, her choice, her responsibility.

bippityboppityFyou said:

NTA. What the sister is asking would be so hurtful for the child. I can’t imagine a child being raised by loving parents from birth only to be ripped away from the only home they’ve ever known to move far away with bio mom. What sister is asking is not fair to the baby, and not fair to you.

HunterDangerous1366 said:

NTA. Sister isn't ready to parent. You and your husband get all the 'fun' parts of having a newborn and eventual toddler, sleepless night, vaccinations, teething etc while she is living her best life at college, for her to swoop in and take baby back when it's convenient for her?

That's without even getting into the financial aspects, legal matters such as guardianship so you can get baby medical attention if need or your own heart break when she decides that she wants baby back.

Your sister has made the decision to keep the baby. She now has to realise that the plans she made aren't going to happen and change what she wants to do to what she needs to do and all the responsibilities that come with it. You are preparing for a baby, but not her baby.

Specialist-Tree1874 said:

NTA. It’s completely unfair for her to ask you to raise her baby for a few years just for her to take it back when she’s ready. That’s not being a parent. She’s not being a parent in anyway. She’ll learn the hard way.

Tannim44 said:

NTA, stay out of this. Move forward with building your family. Your sister is a mess and her entitlement is out of control. If your sister wants to be a parent, then she needs to accept that parenting is a full time job and sacrifices are part of the job.

Hi_Im_Dadbot said:

NTA. It’s a huge commitment and way over the line of an acceptable ask. You have your own plans in life and you can’t be putting them on hold for her convenience.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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