'AITA for not taking off work to help my SIL with her baby after she has her C-section?'

"AITAH for not taking off work to help my SIL with her baby?"

She’s been vague about it and sends my hubby ultrasounds anywhere from a day to a month after so we don’t know the actual timeline. SIL has a condition that makes it so she will 100% NEED a c-section. She’ll need help while she recovers- with the baby, herself, AND her two dogs. She also lives in another state.

The father is in the picture, he lives with her. She is very insistent that I go to help. Because of the distance as well as a lot of differences, we don’t really talk. We’re not friends, but we’re civil. She keeps throwing “hormonal” fits about me refusing to take off of work for 2 months to go help her.

I have bills to pay- I run my own business and it doesn’t run without me, I don’t get PTO. On top of shutting down my business, my hubby doesn’t have time with his work schedule to care for my pets (I say MY pets because they all pre-date our marriage) so I’d have to board them for 2 months.

Otherwise, the dogs would be left home alone for 12-13 hours a day while he works. He’s also not comfortable feeding some of the other animals. I’ve done the math- at the CHEAPEST boarding facility that isn’t absolute garbage, it’d cost about $300 a day. (So $18,300 total).

The specific things she wants me to help with are: cooking, cleaning, going to the store for anything that’s needed, caring for the baby so she can heal- including all diapers and bottle feeding. There’s also the care of her 2 dogs- walks, feeding, grooming, and an hour training session for each dog daily.

I know the first question will be “where’s baby daddy?” He lives with her. They’re very much together. But his work doesn’t give paid leave. She hasn’t been at her job long enough to have maternity leave either- she’s using sick leave. They used up all their PTO and savings to go to one of the Taylor Swift concerts out of town.

The only reason I’m even questioning if I’m the AH is because she keeps crying and screaming at my hubby that without help, they won’t be able to afford their car payments or their rent. I wouldn’t lose my car or house over it and, while it’d drain me, I could afford it. (Hubby and I keep finances separate- I owned my house before we met)​​​​​​.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

kragg_hack wrote:

NTA.

This is beyond what anyone could demand even if it was your own sister. Either her parents or his parents could help a little with this if they can and want, but a SIL? You should not feel any responsibility.

OP responded:

Neither of their parents are willing or able to help. Partially because of their own health, but also because they don’t support it. They don’t have the most stable relationship, they’re not financially able to support a child(they shouldn’t have even added the second dog- even as a two income household in a low COL area, they were paycheck to paycheck).

TarzanKitty wrote:

NTA. If you give up your income. Then, you won’t be able to afford your bills. If she was expecting you to be her live in, unpaid servant for 2 months. She should have consulted you before she chose to give birth. Honestly, I have had 3 sections. They aren’t that bad. She will be fine caring for the baby and her husband can manage the house and the dogs.

They can stock their freezer with meals to get through the first couple of weeks. If she needs anything while her husband is at work. It is 2024. She can have anything she needs delivered in about an hour. If you want to be super generous and helpful. You can get her a couple of housekeeping visits and send a Door Dash gift card.

OP responded:

The pregnancy was an accident and she was previously under the impression that PCOS made her 100% unable to have children, so it’s her “miracle”. Until she had a positive test, she was adamantly against ever having children too, so it’s confusing.

I’ve already decided that if she continues to scream and crying about it because I technically can afford to do it, my generous gift to her will be a photo album after using some of my savings to take my hubby on a nice vacation.

Kyra_heiker wrote:

I wonder why she has no friends or family willing to help her. It's a puzzler. You should have never bothered to figure out the math, you just say you can't afford the time or the money. NTA.

OP responded:

The math was simple- I’m good with numbers and I’ve put all of my pets in boarding before. So it was just the daily total x2 months. She doesn’t actually know anything about my finances. Her saying I can afford it is purely an assumption- for all she knows, I have a negative balance and can’t afford my nonexistent mortgage.

pixie-ann wrote:

NTA this is one of the nuttiest things I’ve seen written here. She expects you to drop your whole life for two months, not just lose money by not working but also incur costs? This is insane. Say no. It sounds like she wants you to be her unpaid cook, cleaner, nanny etc and it’ll be awful. This is crazy. Don’t even entertain the idea. You’ll regret it in so many ways. And don't let them move in either.

OP responded:

Oh they are not moving in. My hubby has understood since the start that his family is never to know our address. They all have boundary issues and show up places unannounced and uninvited. So they don’t know where we live, it’s a boundary he’s enforced repeatedly.

TheLastWord63 wrote:

How come your husband hasn't shut her down?

OP responded:

He has. She just keeps screaming and crying. He’s somewhat blinded by the joy of becoming an uncle so he hasn’t blocked her because of that.

SadFlatworm46 wrote:

His work doesn’t give paid leave - your work doesn’t give paid leave ..but it’s his child so it’s his responsibility . No way on earth you’re on the hook to become her nursemaid. She needs a reality check and you need to tell your husband to shut this down now before she decides it’s confirmed. NTA.

OP responded:

She can decide it’s confirmed, but I can also decide I’m a billionaire. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.

empresscharm052 wrote:

GIRL, NTA! Your SIL is being crazy! It's not your job to raise her baby or pay her bills. She and her partner need to figure it out. Don't feel guilty for saying no – you have your own life and business to run! If she keeps guilt-tripping you, just ignore it. You're not responsible for their bad choices. Stay strong! (And maybe suggest they learn how to budget before having another kid...)

Lalunajefe wrote:

Ummmm this is a ridiculous request. It will drain you but you won’t lose your house or car?????? Did you actually type that and think it’s okay? Yikes 😳 you need to get her parents or baby daddy’s family to step up.