'AITA for not telling a grown woman the dress code for a BBQ?'
"AITA for not telling a grown woman the dress code for a BBQ?"
It’s finally become just about cool enough to have a barbecue where I live so yesterday evening my husband and I called around most of our friend group to come to our place and join us. That’s about 20 adults plus 6 toddlers/babies.
My cousin, her husband, and their toddler are out here visiting because he wants to move out of the UK and he’s trying to convince her to move too because they’d have a better quality of life.
Full disclosure: our husbands are much much closer than we are, although I would definitely say that cousin and I are always at least friendly if not friends. So we invited them to join.
Now I have to admit that yes in my city people do take any excuse to get dressed up, especially young, expat, professionals which is basically what our whole group consists of. If we go out my friends and I also get dressed up but if we are just going to each other’s homes it’s a much more casual affair.
They’re also lovely at chipping in so everyone is ready to help with washing dishes, plating food, taking out the rubbish, moving furniture back before they leave etc. So everyone else came in jeans / shorts / summery casual outfits. Cousin turned up in what I can only describe as a full sequinned mini dress, her daughter in a tutu and her husband in chinos and a shirt.
They looked a little out of place but nobody commented on it. When it got chilly I offered her a hoodie/bottoms but she said no. This morning cousin sent me a long rambly voice note about how I tried to humiliate her by not saying the dress code and how she had to keep pulling her skirt down.
Apparently I did this on purpose to alienate her from my friends so that she couldn’t make any potential connections. She’s calling me a manipulative AH but my thinking is….it was a barbecue….in a garden….who wears a mini dress to that?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
IamIrene said:
You are NTA. I love how people always seem to blame someone else for not informing them of information they consider important but never seem to remember that THEY NEVER ASKED, lol.
You didn't have to tell anyone else how to dress as it would seem pretty common in your area that BBQ = casual/comfortable dress. If dress code was such an important issue to her, she could have just asked instead of making assumptions and then just acting on those assumptions. She humiliated herself, lol.
Heloise_Morris said:
NTA I have summer dresses but they don't have sequins. She was going to a backyard barbecue not a cocktail party or a club. Common sense says you dress casually for a picnic.
Ok_Adeptness7156 said:
NTA, it's a barbecue. It's generally expected to be a casual thing.
hippofippo said:
NTA. It’s not a big deal. I’m sure she probably looked great. She could have just owned it and made a joke.
successful_brunch said:
NTA - LOL, why would anyone assume a BBQ is a fancy dress-up thing? You're good, she's just being extra.
Timely_Egg_6827 said:
NTA You wouldn't wear that to a garden party or BBQ either in UK. That looks more clubbing attire. And if it is a dress she needs to constantly pull down, well have to do that anywhere. She could have asked.