'AITA for not personally texting my coworker that I wouldn’t be riding with her?'
"AITA for not personally texting my coworker that I wouldn’t be riding with her?"
I recently started a job where my company provides accommodation, so my coworkers and I live in the same compound. I’m in training with three others—Anna, Julia, and Ellie. Anna and Julia are the only ones with cars. Anna offered to drive me and Ellie to and from work, saying it didn’t make sense for us to Uber since she was going the same way.
We offered multiple times to pitch in for gas, but she refused, so we’d occasionally buy her coffee or lunch to thank her. She would text in our group chat in the morning when she was about to leave so Ellie and I could meet her downstairs. We usually left at 7:15 AM, and this arrangement worked fine for three weeks.
One morning, Julia texted the group at 7 AM asking for help and then offered a ride. I replied, “Sure, I’ll join Julia today,” and she said she’d leave at 7:20. When I went downstairs, I saw Anna’s car still parked, which was odd. Julia called her twice—no answer. I called once—no answer.
On my second call, she picked up. I asked if everything was okay since we saw her car still there, and she just said, “Yes, yes, see you there,” then hung up. Minutes later, she texted the group asking if we had left, even though I had just told her on the phone that we had. When I confirmed, she replied, “Thank you for replying,” which, in hindsight, felt passive-aggressive.
When she arrived at work, she immediately started yelling at me in front of everyone. She was furious that I “didn’t even text in the group” and that she “waited there like a stupid person.” I told her I had texted at 7 AM, but she insisted I hadn’t. Julia pulled up the chat to prove I did, but Anna snapped back that I should have personally messaged her: “Anna, I won’t be joining you today, I will go with Julia.”
Then she said, “I was good while I provided Uber services, but the moment I’m not needed, I don’t even deserve a text.” I was shocked. She was the one who offered the rides in the first place, and now she was making it sound like I had been using her? I reminded her that she always refused gas money and that we often bought her coffee or food as a thank-you.
But she doubled down, acting as if I had disrespected her. The rest of the day, she ignored us, barely participated in training, and when it was time to leave, she suddenly said, “Okay girls, I’m leaving if you want to join.” Ellie and I felt too uncomfortable after her outburst, so we politely declined and went with Julia instead.
It’s been a week now. She acts normal during training but avoids us during breaks and leaves without saying goodbye. She hasn’t brought it up again, and honestly, I don’t want to—I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. AITA for not personally texting her?
The commenters did not hold back one bit.
Usrname52 wrote:
I think NTA because she totally overreacted. In hindsight, a text that drew attention to her would have been better because she may have glossed over a response to someone else. So, like an "Anna, that means I'll ride with Julia today."
Also, you called her at 7:20, and tried calling her and she didn't answer. So, if she usually leaves at 715, this wasn't a major difference. But....you say she usually texts when she's ready to leave. Did she text that morning? At what time? Because that part makes no sense to ms.
OP responded:
She never texted that morning that’s why I got worried when I saw her car still parked in the front. I thought she might have fall back asleep, or maybe never heard the alarm that’s also the reason why we immediately tried calling her, to make sure she’s okay.
Tangerine_Bouquet wrote:
NTA. Anna's behavior is all about her. You said Anna "would text in our group chat in the morning when she was about to leave" when she was driving you. Yet she didn't that day. She knew she wasn't driving you. This isn't about a personal text to give her the info. It may be about control. It may be something else.
Does it make sense she was upset you didn't invite her to join you, maybe?
Did she drive Ellie that morning? What did Ellie say about this? [Doesn't change the judgment, but I'm curious.]
OP responded:
Ellie was down waiting for Anna that morning but she never showed up at the usual time so she just joined me and Julia. The text Julia sent that morning in the group was “Does any of you girls want to join me for the ride today?”. So she was invited also. Honestly I feel a bit disappointed cause now the whole group dynamics changed.
AlecMdonald3 wrote:
NTA she was pissed off and then embarrassed that she was acting a fool for no reason. She might be probably humiliated. I would suggest just trying to be nice to break the ice but may not be worth it.
OP responded:
Yes, that’s actually what we have been doing since that day. I just feel a bit disappointed that we just ruined the whole group dynamics over a misunderstanding.
Hour_Doughnut2155 wrote:
NTA, I suspect her avoiding you all is because she realises her behaviour was out of line and is too embarrassed to admit it and apologise. I hate conflict so I'd be inclined to ask her if everyone can draw a line under it and move on, but don't apologise.
younggod9 wrote:
NTA. You hit the group chat which is how y’all been communicating. She salty cause she ain’t get her usual validation of being the “savior” that day. If she wanted a direct text she should’ve said so from jump. She trippin not you.