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'AITA for not wanting my ex's stepdaughter around my horses?'

'AITA for not wanting my ex's stepdaughter around my horses?'


"AITA for not wanting my ex's stepdaughter around my horses?"

I find the entire thing to be absurd. I (31F) have a daughter, Bonnie (13F) and a son, August (9M) with my ex Ralph (32M). Bonnie is not Ralph’s biological child, but was with me in the very beginning, when I was carrying her. The kids see him often and we get along well. He has a wife Donna (32F) and a step daughter, Mandy (13F). I get along fine with Donna.

Mandy is good with August, but terrible with Bonnie. She tells her things that a teenage girl shouldn’t say to another. Which we never knew why she is like this with Bonnie.

Since Bonnie has always maintained her privacy. She never went out of her way to be friends with Mandy, or to impress her. Mandy and her friends bother Bonnie and her friends at school. Which has caused Bonnie not wanting to stay at her father's house.

We had to rearrange Bonnie and August time schedule. When Mandy's stay at her father's house. So they don’t have to see her. Which was the best for all of us. Bonnie and August have been happier since.

We do have horses. Bonnie and August are great riders. We have three horses. All our own, and Bonnie has invited her friends to ride our horses and so have August. Mandy's attitude shifted once she knew we had horses. She was now treating Bonnie at school more politely. Mandy asked Bonnie if she can ride our horses, and if I can teach her to ride.

Bonnie just walked away. I guess Mandy felt offended by this and went to tell her mother. I got calls from Donna wondering if I could please teach her kid to ride, or just take her out a couple times a week on the horses. I declined her request.

She claims that Mandy “misses" August and Bonnie. I just hung up. Donna did quit and for a while. To ask and push more. I never respond to her demand. When Ralph did come get the kids. I asked him to tell his wife to stop being pushy. He said he’d take care of it. It did stop, I was grateful for that.

Around late April. August will be celebrating his birthday, and he will only be inviting his friends. Bonnie asked if she can bring her friends. I told her yes, it won’t be so big. But quite a bit of kids. August will also have a party at his dads as well.

I told Ralph about the birthday plan. He asked if Mandy can come, I told him not at my house. I don’t want August or Bonnie uncomfortable. I also told him he can do whatever pleases him, at his own house.

Ralph told me he understands and left it at that. For a few days things been quiet and good. But Ralph was picking up our kids one day. Waiting outside and I went out there with our children.

I saw he brought Mandy and they got out. He asked if Mandy can see my horses. I told him no, that I didn't want her on my property or anywhere near my horses. Mandy just started crying.

I continued telling him, that he broke our agreement for our kids schedule. Ralph just said, I should give her a chance. I said that he and Mandy needed to go. They drove off. My kids told me they don’t like her. I am not gonna force my kids to go. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

CerbBaller said:

NTA you set a clear boundary and they continue to try to break it. You’ve asked multiple times it seems and they keep pushing. You stood your ground and didn’t give in. You’re only doing what’s right for your kids and protecting them from a bully. Can’t see how that makes you an ahole.

Dogmother123 said:

NTA. Mandy cooked her own goose with her behavior. Bonnie is entitled to a safe space away from her step-sister.

shammy_dammy said:

NTA. No means no. Trying to manipulate you by bringing Mandy is low.

grckalck said:

NTA. Once you agree to allow Mandy to see and ride the horses, she will revert to treating Bonnie exactly the same as she did before. Because she will have gotten what she wants and no longer needs to keep up the charade. Mandy is STILL making the entire situation about her. Mandy is the one behind the requests by Ralph and Donna to allow Mandy to get what she wants.

Mandy is the one who asked to come to pick up the kids even though she knows that she is not wanted on your property. She is the source of all the interfamily conflict. She should NOT be rewarded by getting what she wants. And I repeat, once you cave to her request, she will immediately go back to treating Bonnie badly. Because she did before and got what she wanted in the end anyway. So why should she behave differently?

Frequent-Material273 said:

NTA. And tell him that if he keeps it up, a judge will be brought in to decide if your kids have to see him AT ALL, while he'll still be on the hook for even more child support.

More-Diet3566 said:

NTA. You set a boundary and enforced it. It was a reasonable boundary. No one is entitled to see or ride your horses without your say - especially someone who was bullying your kid. Your ex tried to see if he could get away with crossing that boundary but you stood your ground. I see nothing wrong with your actions here. You did the right thing.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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