'AITA for not wanting to pretend to be my twin on her wedding day?' UPDATED

"AITA For Not Wanting To Pretend To Be My Twin On Her Wedding Day?"

I (30f) have an identical twin sister and for the purposes of anonymity I'll call her "Jess." Jess and I look so much alike it can be freaky. At one point when we were still infants they had to draw a little dot at the bottom of one of our feet just so they could keep track of who was who for medical reasons.

My mom adored the fact that Jess and I were her cute baby twin girls and treated us as precious dolls who she would frequently dress alike and always make us do things together.

At first I didn't mind it at all because, well, it was my normal and I do genuinely love my sister but when we started getting older and I developed my own interests I would get so frustrated or upset when I either couldn't do something because Jess didn't want to or the only way that I could do it was if Jess could come with me and vice versa.

It sucked because despite our appearances, Jess was the more extroverted twin who liked to go to parties and do sports while I was introverted and artistic. I was always made to do what Jess wanted to do because me not wanting to be so social was seen as "bad" and the only way that Jess would agree to do/endure my hobbies was if I did her homework or chores.

When my parents were divorcing I was over the moon when my dad agreed to let me live with him in another state, and Jess didn't want to move away from all her friends. My mom cried when I had to tell her I didn't want to live with her and Jess accused me of hating them. This really wrecked me emotionally and I almost caved but my dad got me into therapy who helped me gather the courage to just leave.

I never really did shake off the guilt until around senior year of high school but I never once regretted my choice because of how liberating I felt by getting to just be me. I was slowly able to repair my relationship with my mom and Jess, but Jess and I were never as close as we used to be and I was honestly fine with that.

Fast forward to adulthood and Jess is engaged to her boyfriend "Steve" (36m) and their wedding is set for this Spring. Unfortunately Jess was recently in a bad accident and her face is going to need to get cosmetic surgery. She has been crying for days over this because there's no way she'll be healed up in time for the wedding. My mom, Steve, and I have been trying to console her but it's not enough.

Earlier this week my mom approached me with the idea of dressing up as Jess and pretending to be her for the ceremony and reception so the pictures will look nice. I was floored and gave a hesitant "No" because while I do know that this would mean a lot to my sister I just feel really uncomfortable about it.

My mom was upset with me and said that it wasn't a big deal, it was just for the pictures, and asked me if I really wanted to make it so that Jess would have to be reminded of her trauma whenever she had to look at her wedding photos or just not have any photos at all? AITA?

ETA: Okay because I've already seen this in two other comments I just wanted to be clear about some things...

1.) Jess and Steve's wedding is book at their dream venue and if they postpone (which is in about three weeks) they won't be able to book it again until around 2025, and families on both sides from coming in from out-of-state.

2.) Apparently between the wedding costs and needing to save up for the cosmetic surgery Steve and Jess don't have the money to pay for professional photoshop.

3.) We live in America and as far as I know since Jess' surgery is purely for cosmetic purposes Health Insurance may not cover it, if any at all.

4.) My mom was the only one who actually approached me about this so I don't know for sure if Jess (and Steve) know about this idea, and I'm honestly a little of actually talking to them about this in case they're onboard and start to pressure me into agreeing.

ETA 2: Sorry for not clarifying. What my mom is proposing that I do is that I wear Jess' wedding dress and she wears whatever I was going to wear and then I just stand in her for when it's time to walk down the aisle, do the entrance at the reception, first dance, bouquet toss, and photo time. I wouldn't actually be doing the vows.'

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

SufficientMacaroon1 said:

So, wait......that was all moms idea, Jess was not involved? Wow. This woman sucks. "Oh, honey, so sorry you got badly hurt, but now you are super ugly, so i decided you need a body double for your own wedding! Can't have your ugly mug in any of those pics!"

I understand why OP wants to not put this on Jess's plate right now, but i hope she finds some way of letting them know eventually. That woman is horrible.

bigwigmike said:

I see why dad divorced mom

Helioscopes said:

How is she going to walk down the isle while sis is wearing whatever, but then not do the vows? Do they just stop, go to the back to change dresses and hair accessories, and then come back to the venue? This makes zero sense. The mother is trying to take away all those experiences just so her daughter doesn't look "disfigured" in the pictures. She is doing this for herself. She is crazy.

She later shared this update on the situation:

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions as well as affirmation that I have the right to say "No." Still dealing with residual guilt about refusing to do things for my mom.

So I reached out to Steve first about suggesting photoshop and turns out he and Jess were already considering that before deciding to just postpone the wedding as Jess is dealing with PTSD from the accident and doesn't believe that she is going to be able to handle the stress of a wedding in three weeks.

I was so relieved and told Steve that I would be more than happy to help with getting the word out to people that the wedding wasn't happening right now. For the sake of peace and Jess' mental health I've decided to keep what my mom said about using me as a replacement for the wedding photos to myself for now. Jess is really going through a lot and I feel like this would be like rubbing salt in the wound.