Couple plans to use family money put aside for a wedding to buy a house, 'it wasn't well received.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to use my wedding money to buy a house?"
Me (31f) and my dear fiancé “Greg” (32m) have finally gotten our lives together. He received a big promotion at his job a few months ago, and I’ve finally gotten my career off the ground. We’ve almost cleared up our student loans, and our general debt and are finally ready to work towards buying a house.
The only issue is, that at best, we’d be five years away from being able to afford a down payment and all the other related fees. On the other hand, now that we’ve cleared up our debt, we’re finally ready to get married and start our lives together. But given that we just got out of debt, we can’t justify throwing a huge party that’ll put us right back into some form of debt.
I mean don’t get me wrong, ever since I was a girl I’ve dreamed about having a big, fancy wedding. I still want one, but we can’t have one any time soon. So we decided to have a small, lowkey, ceremony with immediate family and friends and a nice reception either at a restaurant or maybe in a friend’s backyard. We then had a brilliant idea.
I knew my parents and grandparents had saved up a decent amount of money to put towards paying for our wedding. His parents also put some money away towards their individual kids’ weddings. The amount would be somewhere around $30,000. Greg has a friend in the real estate business who’d be willing to sell us a great home, in a great neighborhood, at a very reasonable price, if we can get a letter of intent to him. Me and Greg are convinced that this is our opportunity and we don’t want to let it pass.
Our parents obviously would like to see us have a big wedding, and we don’t want to disappoint them. So we thought that as a compromise, if we get married this year and have a small ceremony, we would have a vow renewal in five years that would be the “official” wedding, and we’d pay for that completely out of pocket by ourselves.
We presented it to the families at an event both sides were at, and well, it wasn’t well received. Both sides said that the money is just for a wedding, and that if we wanted a house, then save up for it like they did. They weren’t that mean about it, but that’s basically what they said. Me and Greg had a big argument with them, but their minds were set.
We’re both upset and feel like they’re not seeing our side in this, but on the other hand, it is their money and maybe we’re acting like babies a bit. So, are me and my fiance the aholes for wanting to buy a house with our wedding money? I just hate having my parents mad at me lol
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ReviewOk929 said:
NTA - Who in their right mind doesn't want to see their kids stable and home owners????? Why do the parents want to blow $30k on ONE DAY vs that. People are VERY weird sometimes...
ItIsNotAManual1984 said:
NTA for wanting to use the the money for the house. YWBTA if you do not take "NO" for the answer. As you said it is not your money.
ALeafOrSomething said:
NAH. I don't think your parents are being aholes. They set money aside for a particular purpose, and the house is not it. A wasteful opinion in my view, but it's their money. I don't think you're being aholes either. It's a reasonable demand. A home is a better way to start a solid family than a flashy wedding. Hope they come around. Good luck!
MyDogsMother said:
You are NTA for asking, but YTA if you don’t take no for an answer. I don’t agree with the decision your parents are making at all — if they wrote the question, I would tell them they were TA. But gifts are gifts, and you can’t make people use good judgment in giving them. They’re in the wrong, but they’re in the wrong about a decision they get to make.
Artistic_Tough5005 said:
YTA You already answered your question. They told you they will only pay for a wedding. You’re on your own when it comes to buying a house.
Dear-Midnight said:
YTA. It's their money. A wedding is for the whole family. People get together who haven't seen each other in years. A good time is had by, if not all, at least some. A house would be just for you.
ACorania said:
YTA you're acting entitled to the money. It was never yours. They had a dream of attending their kid's big wedding and so they saved for it. You want to take that dream and put it to another dream of yours. But it isn't your money, it wasn't just for your dream. It was their money for their dream.
PickleConfident444 said:
YTA. A lot of people don’t get any money for their wedding. I got a few thousand from my parents and some in-laws that thought they got a say on how the money was spent for my wedding. After they said no you shouldn’t have argued with them.
inFinEgan said:
NTA for wanting to use the money for a house, but it's not your money. It's your parents money. You went to them and asked them to use it towards the house instead, and they said no. You cross into ahole territory by starting a fight with them over it. And not for nothing, but if you only need $30,000, when you've both become virtually debt free, then it won't take you 5 years to save $30,000 on your own.