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'AITA for not wanting my SAHM wife on the deed to the new house?'

'AITA for not wanting my SAHM wife on the deed to the new house?'


Money is one of the biggest stressors in a relationship, so it's hardly surprising it brings up some of the biggest arguments.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for not wanting his wife on the deed to the new house. He wrote:

"AITA for not wanting wife on deed to new house?"

My wife and I have been married for a 3 years and have generally kept our finances separate. We were both working when we got married although I make significantly more. She stopped working when we had a kid, at which time I set up a joint account funded entirely by me for her to use for her expenses.

We both owned homes prior to marriage and kept both, we’ve been living in my home and she didn’t want to rent her home out and uses it more or less like a vacation property. We recently found a new home to buy together, but it would require at least one of the homes we own be sold in order to afford.

She does not want to sell her place, nor does she want to contribute any of her very substantial liquid investments to the new house. She claims her contribution is staying at home and taking care of the baby. (For what it’s worth, I have never discouraged her to go back to work and told her we could arrange child care).

I told her that I did not expect her to pay half of the down payment since we have a disparity in income, nor do I expect her to contribute to the monthly payments since she is not working, but that if she wants to be on the deed she needs to contribute some reasonable amount of her savings.

If she wants me to sell my premarital home and pay 100% of the down payment and all of the upkeep on the home while she sits on her cash mountain of investments and contributes 0, then the house needs to be in my name only.

She is accusing me of not valuing her work as a mom (incidentally I work full time and contribute more than my fair share of child care on evenings and weekends) and said if I wanted things to be fair I could carry and deliver our next baby(to be clear, I am a man). AITA here?

The internet had a lot to say in response to the situation.

EmpiricalRutabaga wrote:

NTA, it sounds like she's trying to set things up so she can claim half the house in a divorce. You should get legal advice for your state on whether the new house would become part of the "marital estate" if you do buy a new one. In some states, your premarital assets such as your existing home would not be part of the marital estate and would not be divided at divorce.

sharethewine wrote:

You need to talk to a lawyer and a marriage counselor. Pretty sure in a community property state that if that new property is bought during the marriage it is half hers, doesn’t matter whose name is on the deed. She’d have to sign something giving up her rights to the home or some kind of post-nuptial agreement - and I don’t see her doing either.

rebootsaresuchapain wrote:

NTA. Make it even. You both have your names on the deeds to both homes.

OP responded:

I actually even proposed this and she shot it down.

lakas76 wrote:

Unless you have a prenup, and are in the us, she would be entitled to half of the house if she is on the deed or not, or at least the increase in equity over your down payment on the house (buy 600k house, put 100k down from sale of old house, sell for 1 million, she would get half of profit from sale minus 100k).

If you want the house to be in your name only and not have to give her part of it when she decided to divorce you, you should get a postnup. Sounds like you already have money issues in a very young marriage.

PMMeYourCouplets wrote:

NTA. I am completely taking out the view that she is a SAHM mom here because I think that is influencing a lot of the answers here. To me, even if both of you are working or not working, the idea that she gets to keep her assets and you don't, to buy this new home is unfair. If this is your joint home, you should both fairly contribute to it.

superkinks wrote:

I agree with you. It’s not the SAHM mum bit that’s the issue, it’s the refusing to share her assets but expecting him to share his. Maybe a compromise would be if her assets were put in joint names as well as the house. Then everything is “theirs” rather than the “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine” type thing that’s going on here.

KronkLaSworda wrote:

"She does not want to sell her place, nor does she want to contribute any of her very substantial liquid investments to the new house." Then she doesn't get to be on the deed. Sorry, that's how it works. She's either a part of this partnership, or she isn't. You're being forced to sell your home to pay for this. If she's not willing to do the same, then she doesn't get to be on the deed.

Going with NTA. Her being a SAHM doesn't enter into this. Her unwillingness to contribute when she could is the issue. That said, depending on your country or state of residence, shared assets can be a thing. Anything bought during marriage and not otherwise covered in a pre-nup can be contested as a shared asset. I am not a lawyer, though.

It seems like the internet is fully in OP's corner, hopefully, him and his wife can come to an agreement.

Sources: Reddit
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