'AITA for offering cash instead of my labor as a baker for a wedding gift? My cousin was upset.'
"AITA for offering cash instead of my labor for a wedding gift?"
I’m a hobby baker. I’ve gifted cakes to family and friends before but I’m very firm about not taking orders. It is not enjoyable to me and would not be a profitable endeavor unless I was pursuing it as a career.
These gifts are typically for birthday parties and the gift receiver gives me a size and a very general idea of what they would want it to look like and I honor that in my own style and ability.
A cousin approached me about doing her wedding cake “as your wedding gift to us”. After a brief discussion I confirmed that it would not be a good fit. After she persisted in arguing the reasons I offered I switched tactics and offered to pay $250 towards her cake order placed with someone else.
The amount came from it being the maximum I would’ve considered spending on her gift. She took a lot of offense at this, saying she can afford a cake and I was implying she approached me because she can’t. When I said I hadn’t meant anything by it but that was my budget for a gift she said it would barely cover a deposit for the kind of cake she would want.
The internet had OP's back all the way.
springbean97 wrote:
NTA, she said herself that $250 wouldn’t even cover the deposit for the kind of cake she wanted.
She basically wants you to bake a cake that is hundreds of dollars more than what you are willing to spend on a wedding gift that we can all assume will have to be meticulously decorated based on her “vision”, and it’s not going to be perfect to her in the end, anyway. You are dodging a raging migraine with this one from what I can tell.
OK_Conversation9750 wrote:
"She said it would barely cover a deposit for the kind of cake she would want."
So she was expecting you to gift her a cake that was over $1000? Not to mention your labor, etc.
NTA and I would go as far as to gift her one of those "a donation has been made in your name to....(insert her least favorite charity here)."
RedQueen88 wrote:
NTA. My, my how people become so unabashedly entitled when they’re getting married. I think 250 dollars towards the wedding cake is a generous offer. By her own admission, she wants you to bake some colossal 1000+ dollar wedding cake, with you paying for all the ingredients of course.
Not to mention the labor. As a gift. Do people not realize that they alienate their friends and family when they act like atrocious bridezillas?
MollyStrongMama wrote:
NTA. I made one of my brothers wedding cakes because he asked nicely and it was a backyard COVID wedding with 25 people. My other brother asked me to bake his wedding cake the following year but it was a black tie affair with 250 people, so I politely declined because that’s way past my skill and what would bring joy. And he was absolutely fine with that.
gordonf23 wrote:
NTA. First of all, a decent wedding cake costs a LOT of money. Even a simple cake might cost a few hundred dollars. So she was asking you something worth much more than the $250 you offered to give her as a gift.
There was nothing wrong with her asking you, I suppose, but she certainly shouldn't have taken offense at you declining or you offering a practical alternative. And it's very likely she asked you because she knew how expensive a wedding cake can actually cost to have made. Second of all, I totally understand about not taking orders, and it ruining the enjoyment.
Especially for a wedding. I've made lots of cakes for people and been paid for them, but I've always refused to do wedding cakes b/c of the amount of pressure involved in getting it perfect. I know people who were married decades ago who still say things like, "But our wedding cake was too dry," and I'm just not putting myself through that.
DinaFelice wrote:
"She said it would barely cover a deposit for the kind of cake she would want."
"Exactly. There is no way you would be satisfied with the cake I can make for you on the budget of my gift for you. So I thought it would be better for me to give you money so you can offset the cost of the kind of cake you actually want."
"But it seems like that isn't what you want either, so I'll just get an item off your registry or something and we'll forget about tying to a cake at all. Good luck with your cake search! I'll look forward to seeing what you decided on at the wedding!"
NTA. Your cousin has no respect for your work as an artist, and is just looking to get something for nothing. At this point, I'd be feeling iffy about even going to her wedding anymore, but I'd go with whatever option is likely to cause the least conflict.
But going forward, I'd treat this as a closed topic with a breezy, "Oh, I couldn't make her the kind of cake she wanted so she went with a professional," if anyone asks. (Or, "Lol, we already discussed the fact that I can't make the kind of cake you want, so you need to get it from a professional," if she tries to bring it up again).
egoabsum wrote:
NTA. My father traded an entire deers worth of hand processed and packaged venison for my wedding cake. I still spent half the time speaking with the person who made our cake praising their ideas and thanking them for undertaking the enormous effort that is making enough cake and then transporting it to the venue for what many would consider a small wedding (80ish guests)