'AITA for only taking one niece to Disney and not all of them?'

"AITA for only taking one niece to Disney and not all of them?"

I (27F) and my husband (30M) have two kids: a 4-year-old daughter (turning 5 soon) and a 1-year-old son. For our daughter’s 5th birthday, we surprised her with a trip to Disney. She was over the moon when we told her.

We decided not to bring our 1-year-old because we want this to be special one-on-one time for her, and realistically, traveling with a fussy toddler would make it harder for her to fully enjoy the trip. My parents happily agreed to keep our son at their house while we’re gone.

When we told our daughter about the trip, we also told her we could afford to bring one other person. We thought it would be nice for her to have a cousin close to her age to share the experience with. On my husband’s side, he has siblings with kids:

His sister has two daughters (12 and 9). His brother has a son the same age as our daughter and a newborn daughter. All the nieces and nephews adore us and call me “Auntie,” even before I married into the family. I truly have no issues with any of them going.

We let our daughter choose who she wanted to invite, and she picked her 9-year-old cousin (I’ll call her Stella). Stella’s mom (my sister-in-law) thought it was incredibly sweet and has no problem with Stella going alone.

The issue is with some extended family members on my husband’s side. They think it’s unfair that we’re only taking Stella and not the other cousins. The thing is, we simply cannot afford to take all of them. We also wanted someone close enough in age to our daughter to make it fun and balanced.

For context, this is the same extended family that has previously shamed me for formula feeding both of my kids instead of breastfeeding, calling me a bad mom for it. So there’s already some tension there.

My husband, his siblings, and even my in-laws are all on my side. My husband thinks we should cut ties with the extended family altogether because of how they’ve treated me.

But I can’t help feeling like maybe they’re right this time and that I’m being unfair to the other nieces and nephew. So…AITA for only taking one niece to Disney and not all of them?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Gnomer81 said:

NTA. If they want to pay for all the kids to go, let them pay for all the kids to go on a Disney trip. But that still doesn’t mean it has to be THIS trip for your daughter’s birthday. Listen, I am queen of making things fair and not leaving kids out.

But you are already leaving a child of your own behind to focus on the birthday girl. You are keeping it small to make it affordable. If it’s not affordable it won’t happen. Enjoy the day with your daughter and don’t worry about what they say.

notmenotwhenitsyou said:

I was skeptical about the choosing of one of the cousins but the MOM saying it was sweet and completely fine with the choice of one of her kids is what solidified that you are NTA. Had SHE been huffish then I could see the problem but the fact its literally those who don't matter in this scenario…well thats a them problem.

Just because you’re family, does not mean everyone needs to get along and do things with each other. she chose who she liked the best. That's that. There's nothing wrong with that at all. clearly she has good taste for not choosing them lol.

No-Albatross-7984 said:

NTA. It's your trip and you get ito choose who you bring along. But since this is a frequent theme in the sub, lemme tell you. I was about 9 when my grandparents took my cousin to Tenerife with them. Even then, I understood life isn't fair and I can't have everything. But from that moment on, I knew my place.

I wasn't angry or resentful. But I had clear as day evidence that if grandma had to choose, she would not choose me. As a 40+ woman now, I would never do this to siblings or cousins. If I were in a situation like this, I would pick a friend outside the family, or not bring a friend at all. Your child will have a wonderful time regardless.

tiggergirluk76 said:

YTA for saying you want one on one time with your daughter, then taking another kid along instead of the other kid that's actually yours. Your reasoning doesn't make any sense. First, you want one on one time, then you want to take another kid close in age, but actually, you're doing neither of those things. The rest of the family are obviously being unreasonable, expecting other kids to go, but honestly ESH.

Known-Grapefruit4032 said:

You're technically NTA, and the adults have no right to be up in arms about it, but you have probably upset the kids in a long-term way and made them feel a hierarchy between them. I think it would have been kinder to take one of your daughter's friends and leave the family dynamics out of it.

If you were absolutely set on a cousin though, why didn't you take the one that's actually the same age as your daughter, and who doesn't have a sibling old enough to be aware and upset about it?

Puzzlehead-Bed-333 said:

Yes, YTA. Personally, as someone with a big family, this is a crap move. This is how you breed disconnect, animosity, favoritism, and separation. You should have just taken your family if you were not going to include the kids. I’d fix it or not go at all.