'AITA for picking my college friend’s wedding over my childhood friend’s wedding?' EDITED 5X
"AITA for picking my college friend’s wedding over my childhood friend’s wedding?"
Bridesmaid for 2 weddings on the same day. So I am a bridesmaid for 2 weddings. One is local (Dallas, TX) and the other is destination in Miami, FL. They both are on the same day. To simplify things, I am calling the girls Dallas and Miami.
Dallas is a childhood friend. We were also college roommates for a year. We don’t see each other as often but when we do, it’s just like old times. So many memories. Dallas is also one of the nicest people in my life.
Miami is a college friend (different friend group than Dallas). We grew closer after college. Miami actually plans my birthday every year. Our friend group is 6 girls and we are so close. Like all girl friend groups, there is drama, but we always remain best friends. We all hang out all the time. All of my girlfriends from college are also bridesmaids for Miami. My husband is friends with their boyfriends/husbands, so he prefers this wedding by a mile.
Miami told me her wedding date first at a group dinner but did not put a deposit. I inform Dallas the next day, who then tells me she was planning for the same day. There isn’t much overlap in the weddings as far as mutual friends; however, me and another girl are bridesmaids for both.
After hearing this, Dallas tried to pick the week before Miamis wedding, but it ended up getting booked. So her only option was the same day as Miami (according to her). Dallas then put the deposit first. She then informed me and my other friend since we’re invited to both weddings as bridesmaids. My other friend tells her immediately she’s going to Miami’s wedding because they’re childhood friends.
So after that, Dallas is hoping I go to her wedding because my other friend already picked Miami’s wedding. Also since Dallas and I are childhood friends. I tell her over phone that it was not easy, but I have to go to Miami’s wedding because she asked first. Dallas is furious at me. To the point where she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Am I an ahole? She says she put the deposit first. Miami should change her wedding date. She can’t just call that date without a deposit.
I understand her frustration. 2 bridesmaids not coming. I said I will make it up to her if I’m still invited to anything wedding related. But she is so mad at me. Did I do the morally right decision? I would have major FOMO if I missed Miamis wedding. All my friends are there and she asked me first. But Miami wouldn’t end the friendship if I choose Dallas. They were also both bridesmaids for my own wedding last year.
EDIT 1:
Dallas supposedly only had 2 dates available for her wedding because of her fiances busy schedule. One was the week before Miamis wedding. The other is the week of Miami's wedding. The wedding is Labor Day weekend 2025. Miami picked that date because so many people have to travel and they will already have off due to the holiday weekend.
Miami did not put a deposit because she is between two venues on the same day. She is putting the deposit Tuesday after their parents agree with the venue she choose. She was just waiting for them to fly out and check it out. She assured me the date would not change. It was just hard to decide the venue because they had two great options.
Yes of course Miami's wedding will be more fun. At the end of the day, I truly had to make a decision that was fair to both. If Dallas told me first, I know in my heart I would have picked her wedding. It’s only fair.
EDIT 2:
Dallas rarely goes to my events due to her being busy - I’ve never been offended. We’re adults, we have responsibilities. She has a very big family. She comes to the big events like my wedding and bachelorette party. I always show up for her though. I always go to her events. But I’m serious, no bad blood in that regard. People just asked me to clarify.
Dallas will have less bridesmaids. Miami will have more bridesmaids. Miami has more close friends. Dallas has a lot more people coming to her wedding because it’s local. She has more people on her side coming than her fiancés side because she has a big extended family.
Miami has less people coming cause it’s destination. Her fiancés side is also very big and local to Florida. So her finances side will be a lot larger than her side. She is moving to Florida after the wedding.
EDIT 3:
Miami was super appreciative that I’m going to hers when I told her earlier. I did mention that Dallas was upset and Miami felt really bad about everything. She just texted me she wants to call me this afternoon…I think she’s going to tell me to go to Dallas. Stay tuned!
EDIT 4:
Miami called and said she heard about the drama. Basically, Dallas is not talking to me and another friend in Dallas’ bridal party is not talking to me. Dallas’ sister and fiance are also apparently mad at me. Dallas’ sister says that since Dallas booked the venue first, Miami should change her date. The sister is basically in her ear making it worse.
Miami feels terrible that people are painting me to be a villain. So I said, if Dallas is going to be this mad, so be it. I’m still going to Miami wedding. It’s too late to change after all the bad mouthing.
I will update if Dallas and I ever make up but apparently she’s bad mouthing me to everyone. Saying how I’m lying to her, etc. She’s bringing up other bridesmaids of Miami in this drama. Saying they are making the decision for me (not true). True shit show.
Dallas and I were both invited to a bachelorette party for a friend (the other friend who choose Miamis wedding). Miami will be there as well. Apparently, Dallas is not coming anymore and may not even come to that friends wedding.
EDIT 5:
Dallas called me and said we’re not friends anymore. She said I’m fake. She said it’s over.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Mother_Tradition_774 said:
NAH. You’re entitled to make your own choice. However I’m not buying that you’re choosing Miami’s wedding simply because she gave you her date first. Dallas has a point: if you don’t have a venue, you don’t have a wedding date.
You’re choosing Miami’s wedding because you are closer to her than you are to Dallas. You even say in your summary that her wedding is going to be a lot more fun. Your decision is based on closeness, not fairness. If a stranger can see that, so can Dallas. That’s probably why she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. It’s really painful to learn that you’re closer to someone than they are to you.
ADawg28 said:
NTA. I totally get where Dallas is coming from, and she can of course be hurt and disappointed, but Miami asked first. You were committed there first. The deposit doesn’t even make a difference; you said yes to Miami’s wedding first. You are keeping your word.
If I were Dallas, I’d be devastated (but also, if you were that crucial, I’d probably consider changing my date). However, I’d also be seeing that you were honest with me and you stood by your commitments, and that’s the kind of integrity I’d respect in my best friend.
Inevitable-Rhubarb11 said:
NTA. You let Dallas know about Miami's date first (and I assume you agreed to attend her wedding since you'll be a bridesmaid), regardless of the deposit. It's not your fault that Dallas is unable to get the date so that you can go to both.
Goodvibetribe10 said:
NTA Miami asked you first and you said yes, putting a diposit is her worry not urs..may be she was sure that she has a hold on the place! Dallas is kinda creating an issue here by choosing the same date immediately after you told her Miami's date and making you choose! A good friend who really wants you by their side won't make you choose between them and someone..and then threatening that they won't remain friends if you don't pick them...that's a little low...testing relationships is not a very mature thing to do.
I mean it feels like she is putting you in this situation and then getting upset when you don't do what she wants you to. You clearly said that even when you agreed going to Miami's first.. she will not break the friendship if you can't go.. and that's a good friendship...I definitely think that Miami Values you way more than just being a bridesmaid! Go to Miami's wedding!
barbaramillicent said:
NTA. You made a commitment to Miami first. I don’t care about deposits for venues. You told Miami you would be there for her on that date, and you should keep your word. I’m sorry Dallas is down two bridesmaids, but she booked her date knowing you two were already committed to Miami’s wedding that day. She gambled you would give bail on Miami and lost.
JimBobMcFancyPants said:
No judgement here, but I guess the questions to ask yourself are these: How good of a friend do you consider Dallas? Are you at all upset about her being kind of manipulative in the way she booked her wedding to try and force you to pick her?
Would you have greater regrets about the short term FOMO of missing Miami’s wedding versus the potential long-term destruction of your friendship with Dallas? If you aren’t that close with Dallas so you don’t care too much about the potential loss of the friendship, or you’re angry at her for the manipulative way she did this and don’t want to reward her behavior, choose Miami.
If maintaining your friendship with Dallas is important to you and you feel you can get past the FOMO of missing Miami’s wedding and Dallas putting you in a bind like this, choose her.