So I (23f) and my boyfriend (36m) have been dating for 14 months. Yes, our age gap is big but let me give some context. When I was 15 I found out I was pregnant. I had my son when I was 16, and ever since then I’ve been living as an adult.
I worked part time until I finished high school early. When I was 18 I moved out of my mom’s house and started working full time. Because I became a mom so early, I had to mature extremely fast.
A few weeks before my 21st birthday, I got out of an abusive long term relationship with my ex. It took me a long time to heal from that. I went on a lot of dates with men and none of them really clicked.
I had a semi serious fling with a few different guys. George (43M) was a nice guy, but he was just a bit too old for me. His oldest daughter was 14 and I felt weird about it. Damien (22M) was also a nice guy, but ultimately he said he wasn’t ready to be a step parent.
Tony (26M) was also in the same boat as Damien. Most guys around my age weren’t ready to be serious and become a step parent. I don’t blame them, I understood that 21 year old guys didn’t want that. So I started to date older.
A few weeks before my 22nd birthday I met David (M35 at the time) on a dating app. He lived 2.5 hours away, but when we met after a couple weeks of texting, it was love at first site. Our connection was electric and I genuinely loved his personality.
It also helped that he was extremely attractive and well settled. He loved that I had a kid. He always wanted a kid, but he never got around to it. He separated from his ex wife a year prior, and she never wanted kids so it was a problem with them.
David doesn’t have a lot of family or friends. I feel that he was quite lonely, and when he met me, I was this ball of light and love that he had been searching for all his life. David is extremely goofy and fun, I never notice our age gap because of this.
After a year of long distance, I decided to move in with him. I spent almost every weekend with him, and my son met him several times. I was struggling back home, it’s a small town with no room for growth.
David owned a home and lived in a big city where there’s plenty of opportunities. So I took the leap, and I’ve been living here for 3 months now. My son absolutely adores David, and David adores my son. Watching David get to be the dad he always wanted to be warms my heart. //Ever since I moved here, I’ve been happy.
But I don’t really get to see my friends anymore so I’ve been feeling lonely. Our entire relationship we talked about getting married. So I started doing some planning for our wedding. Side note; I got a job selling wedding dresses at a bridal shop, so every day is wedding talk for me so I get excited about it.
Two weeks ago I toured a small venue on my day off. The venue is 10 minutes down the road and is usually used for baby showers and other smaller events. But our guest list is about 60 people so I wanted something small and intimate. Nothing fancy.
They gave me a pamphlet with information and prices, I was so excited to show David when he got home from work. He instantly got upset, he didn’t yell or cuss, but he wasn’t happy about it. //Later that night we talked about it.
He said he was feeling some ptsd about his last wedding and how overwhelming the planning was. He spent 50 grand on it, and it ended with divorce after two years. He emphasized wanting to get eloped in Vegas instead.
I immediately shot that idea down. I want my son and family to be there when I get married. He told me he doesn’t want to spend a ton of money for just one day, and instead spend the money on a week long vacation in Vegas.
I was extremely upset because I feel like I missed out on a lot of normal life events because I was a teen mom. I wanted a normal wedding, and since he already got to have a wedding it wasn’t fair that I don’t get one.
After awhile we came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to plan or spend the money on a wedding. I asked him, if I pay for the wedding and plan it myself, would he be okay with that. He said that would be okay because he doesn’t want the stress of it.
He would rather pay and plan for the honeymoon. I told him I would absolutely love to pay and plan for it myself. He agreed but said he didn’t want to talk about wedding stuff for right now. I respected that.
I tried to stop planning the wedding, but I just can’t. It brings me so much joy and excitement. So Ive been calling places, and figuring out a budget, theme , etc, behind his back. I respected his boundary of not bringing it up to him. But I’m still planning everything. So AITA for continuing to plan the wedding?
YTA - Weddings should be something you both agree on. Consider you’re not engaged, planning everything behind his back tells me you care more about the wedding than actually being married.
YTA. You think you have matured earlier than others. You haven’t. Your behaviour is worrisome and I feel sorry for your kid.
This sounds more for the thread am I Overreacting. Look I don’t know your story but it seems like u had a hard life so far. Don’t want to victim blame but do you think some of the choices you’ve made were your own mistakes? Or for jumping too fast into decisions. I think the age gap is a big deal. You’ve only been dating for 1 year.
Even tho u both love each other, ur both in different stages of life. He is the one with the home and the finances and can easily hold that against you. Have u even talked about signing a prenup?
I’m guessing y’all haven’t because he hasn’t even asked to marry you yet. Ur jumping the gun and moving too fast in my opinion. Just cuz u had to mature really fast doesn’t mean your life has to move too fast.