'AITA for refusing a coworker's gift of used housewares? I don't know how she got my address.' MAJOR UPDATE

There's a massive difference between a thoughtful gift, and an imposition.

"AITA for refusing a coworker's gift of used housewares?"

So I (30F) recently eloped with boyfriend, well, now husband (39M). We purchased a home on the lake in a new subdivision and it is truly our dream home. We had closed on our house about a month prior to the elopement so we already had moved our belongings in and purchased anything else we needed and sold any other belongings that we had in each of our apartments since the leases were up.

Once some of my coworkers found out we had eloped, they wanted to throw me a shower. I politely told them I was perfectly fine with having a little party to celebrate but no gifts. When asked why no gifts I told them honestly didn’t need anything. Typically in my area when a wedding shower or housewarming party is thrown people gift toasters or sets of dishes etc. Our home is furnished.

We both have successful jobs. “No gifts or monetary gifts please. But we would love to celebrate with you. Your presence is the only gift we want.” That was basically the conversation. And it was received well. The party happened and all went well. Yesterday a coworker who had not came to the party randomly showed up at our home. I am not close with this person.

We actually try to avoid each other most days. Anyways, she arrived at our home with 3 large black trash bags that contained used houseware items from her home. She said she “knew it was hard when you are first starting out” and thought these items could help us “while we get on our feet.”

She also made a comment about how she was going to have a garage sale but would rather just give them to someone who needed them. I told her I really appreciated the thought but that we were settled and maybe she should take her items give them to someone who needed them because we were on our feet. She said I was just being modest.

She ended up refusing to tell me how she got my address and also refused to take her “gifts” back with her. I told her we didn’t need her items but if she wanted to leave them I would be happy to donate them for her. She said I was being rude.

She did leave the bags though and I am taking them to a local consignment store that sells items and uses the money to help survivors of domestic vi*lence. AITA?

The internet had a lot of comments and questions.

MonkeywithKittens wrote:

NTA. How did she get your address? That's the worrying thing for me. She knew what she was doing was BS or she would have given it to you at work. It's worth finding out if she misused company resources to find your new address in case you need to start a thing with HR.

OP responded:

I’ve thought about. I think the fact that we are not friends and mutually do not care for one another is the concerning part for me. Had it have been a friend, they would have asked for the address or it would have already been given to them. But a random person from work that I dislike randomly showing up umm no thank you. I’m scheduling a meeting with HR first thing tomorrow morning.

Anoncommenter wrote:

This is 100% my paranoia and predilection for reading fiction talking but don't keep ANYTHING that was given to you. It's extremely unlikely but what if they're was a monitoring /recording /tracking device in something?

OP responded:

New fear unlocked.

prairiemountainzen wrote:

NTA. She was too lazy to have a garage sale, so just dumped all of her old junk onto you instead and pretended it was a housewarming "gift." Yeah, no thanks.

Diligent-Comfort-191 wrote:

NTA. It would've been NAH if your colleague had accepted your refusal of the gifts when you first made it. Ignoring your refusal and effectively dumping the things on you was itself rude and an AH move. This is actually a problem for me as I have had a number of experiences of a similar nature.

People can't bear to throw away useful items that they no longer want, but can't be bothered to sell or donate them themselves. SOLUTION: Dump them on someone else as a gift. It gets rid of the problem. It sounds generous and well meaning and leaves the recipient with the disposal problem. Sorted!

The next day, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: HR was miraculously able to see me this morning. She also found the address issue concerning. I work in Healthcare and I am also a patient where I work. Everything you access within our system is logged. So when they pulled her access records it turns out my coworker had accessed my medical records 5 times within a week. It was never within her job duties to access my file.

She had also accessed two other coworker's files. They terminated her employment on the spot. Within our company (and I would imagine most) that is grounds for immediate termination. Her sister in law is also an employee there and she had accessed my records as well. Her employment was also terminated.

Now I’m wondering if I need to seek legal action or even get a restraining order? My husband donated the items this morning. He said he didn’t want them in the garage any longer than necessary. I had read him the comment about the items possibly having bugs or being bugged and now we are both paranoid.

The comments kept flowing in.

Medical_Solid wrote:

Yikes—I worked at two hospitals and at both employee orientations they basically said “We can work out most problems. The exceptions include ab*sing patients, ab*sing privacy, and theft. You will get fired immediately and turned over to law enforcement.”

UsefulAd5682 wrote:

A friend of mine had an abu#ive ex. He called up her hospital and asked about a procedure she had and asked if they still had her right address because she recently moved. They told him her new address. People where fired and she is in the middle of a big lawsuit. It had taken her 6 months to get rid of him and now she is back to square one.

tenfootallmothman wrote:

I work at a med lab, accessing patient records of your coworkers is a massive no-no. If you get a sample from family or friends you’re supposed to pass it to someone else to avoid accessing those records too. Closest degree of separation I’ve gotten was my fifth grade teacher and I passed that one off too, just to be safe. HIPAA does not f#$k around.

GraceStrangerThanYou wrote:

One of my first jobs as a medical coder was working for a group of health clinics. Pretty much all of my coworkers used the clinic at our office location for primary care because you could basically just head upstairs on break.

And somehow, I was assigned to those providers and regularly reviewed my co-workers' visits. It always felt super weird and invasive, especially when I found out one of them had c*ncer before they even knew themselves.