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'AITA for refusing to let my family move in because my 16-year-old son doesn’t want them to?'

'AITA for refusing to let my family move in because my 16-year-old son doesn’t want them to?'


"AITA for refusing to let my family move in because my 16-year-old son doesn’t want them to?"

About five years ago, my husband cheated on me and then abandoned our family. It was an incredibly difficult time. I was left alone to raise our son, who was just 11 at the time. None of my family members offered any help or support.

We were essentially on our own. The only person who helped us was my father, who was a great support system both emotionally and financially. When my father passed away two years ago, he left me a significant inheritance. This money allowed me to buy a house and provide a stable and comfortable life for my son and me. Since my husband left, my son and I have become very close.

We’ve been through a lot together, and our bond is incredibly strong. I would do anything for him. Recently, some of my extended family members have fallen on hard times and asked if they could move in with us.

Given our history, I was initially hesitant. I discussed it with my son, and he was very much against the idea. He remembers how nobody was there for us when we needed them the most and feels strongly that they shouldn't benefit from our home now. Understanding his feelings and valuing his comfort, I decided to tell my family that they couldn't move in with us.

Now, they’re upset and accusing me of being selfish and ungrateful. They say that I owe them support because we’re family. I don’t think I’m an AH and honestly don’t care what they think as long as my baby is happy but I still want to hear other people's opinions.

So, AITA for refusing to let my family move in because my son doesn’t want them to, especially considering the way they treated us when we were the ones in need?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

theworldisonfire8377 wrote:

Make it awkward. Send a group text or chat and tell them that you will give them the exact same level of support as you got when your husband cheated and took off and you were left raising a child on your own.

Simple as that, and they will either get the message and leave you alone or start pandering on with excuses. If they start with excuses, I'd go even more petty and use the same excuses back at them.

Them: Oh well we didn't know it was so hard for you and we're past that now.

You: I didn't know it was so hard for you, and well, you've already lost your house so we're past that now.

Hilarious that they all come out of the woodwork now that you have money. Idiots, all of them. I'd mess with them so badly just because they sound like absolutely awful people. NTA though, by a long shot.

**I will add though, whatever you do, do NOT tell them that it was your son who influenced your decision. He does not need the flying monkeys to start attacking him, and while it is admirable that you sought out his opinion because it's his home too, don't throw him under the bus, even by accident, with these people. They will go for him if they think it was "his fault" they don't get to exploit you.

ieya404 wrote:

"They say that I owe them support because we’re family."

Now that's fascinating to hear, since five years ago, you needed support, and yet you got absolutely none.

Maybe if they'd helped you and your son back then, he'd feel a lot more positive and want to help them in return.

They made their choice then, they can live with the consequences now.

Nobody is more important than your son.


UltimatelyCoolDude wrote:

NTA - Where were they when you were down and hurting and needed help? What about their nephew? Seriously, they have some balls to dare accuse you of being selfish.

Actually, you know what, they're right! And you have the right to be selfish, for the happiness of you and your son. You were both there for each other when the shit hit the fan and you held strong. Hold strong now!

If they can't figure it out on their own, like you and your son did, that's not your problem. If later on, you two find it in your hearts to actually be benevolent to the family that shunned you, Kudos. But don't do it out of guilt or a sense of obligation. No one owes anyone anything. Wow that story got me heated because I can personally relate.

JeepersCreepers74 wrote:

NTA, but if you have the nerve to tell them no, then have the nerve to tell them why. If they call you selfish or that you owe them, say, "As a single mom, I have a duty to be selfish when it comes to my son's well-being."

"He is my immediate family and my first priority. You are extended family, family that did not offer to assist us during those tough years when we could have really used the support. I'm sorry you're in the situation you are, but my son and I are not the solution to your problems."

biokabe wrote:

NTA, but you would be if you cited your son as the reason - just from the standpoint of not letting him be the target of their ire. Your initial hesitancy stems from your own experiences. Your son just happened to echo your own feelings.

I think both you and your son have the right impulse. If you hadn't been in need of help and been abandoned by the rest of your family, then their argument might have held water. However, they've already been tested and found wanting.

singyoulikeasong wrote:

NTA - You owe them support because they're family? Ask the, where was their support when you were struggling and fell on hard times? You can't have your back turned on family in there time of need but go running to them with your tail between your legs when you're in a tough position yourself. Karma sure works well when we least expect it.

I'm happy for you and your son becoming close and having a good relationship. It shows what a great mother you are to not only ask for what he'd want but to really take his advice and show him his opinion matters.

As for your extended family? Sucks to suck.

Slurav wrote:

NTA - It’s unfortunate that they’ve fallen on hard times, but that doesn’t make you responsible for their well being. You are, however, responsible for your son’s. You’ve done the right thing by taking his input seriously and putting his comfort in his own home above theirs. Good job, mama, that’s all I have to say about that.

yellowsilverflower wrote:


You didn't tell them your decision is because of your son, did you? Hopefully, you just said it wasn't possible. You owed no other explanation. Don't say more. It will just take you down a rabbit hole of ugly responses.

Sources: Reddit
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