'AITA for refusing to take my sister to Renfair because of what she wants to wear?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to take my sister to Renfair because of what she wants to wear?"

I, 25 f, am the oldest of 4 kids. Brother, Sam 20 m, and sisters (Maddy, 17 f) and (Kiara, 12 f). I have been going to Renfair since I was 16, usually with friends but once Sam and Maddy were 13, I started taking them with me. Kiara just turned 12 a few months ago and said she wanted to go to Renfair this year.

I was hesitant but asked our mom and once she gave the ok, I actually got excited because (very sad about this) Sam is in the marines and can't go this year because he is deployed. That is, I was excited until I found out what she wanted to wear. Maddy and I have been planning and making our outfits since last Renfair (we are both avid seamstresses) and offered to help Kiara design her outfit.

Kiara is really into Furries lately and has started making suits and masks but I made it clear that Renfair isn't the place for that and I was uncomfortable taking her in that. She agreed, we came up with a few outfit designs, and set a day to go shopping for all the stuff. She then came to me a week ago, gloating, saying that our mom said yes to her wearing a furry suit to Renfair.

I told her she absolutely could, but again, I wouldn't be the one taking her if she chose to wear that. She got upset and said I was being unfair because I was still taking Maddy. I told her again that Renfair isn't the place, and who I take with me is up to me. She's now very upset with me and is trying to get our mom to make me take her wearing her furry suit. So...AITA?

Not long after posting, OP shared these edits.

Edit to add: there are several reason as to why I stated "not the place". Main being that it is still going to be in the 80's during renfaire and she wants to wear a full neon pink furry suit, head and all. Second, This is isn't a big renfair where you see all kinds of costumes. We live in a small town and aside from some tourists, it's mainly just people in our town.

There's been plenty of creature costumes, but nothing like what she wants to wear. We offered to help her do a fantasy creature type costume but she's doubling down. My mother isn't trying to make me take her, just said she was allowed. Also, I'm not embarrassed with her wearing this. I told her she can absolutely wear it next year when we go to comic con.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

KingBretwald wrote:

All aesthetics aside, a fur suit?! Outside?! in July?! In what will probably be the hottest July in recorded history?! Unless you are in the southern hemisphere, is your mother nuts?! That's a good way to get your kid a horrible trip to a hospital. ETA: NTA

katja1236 wrote:

Yeah, I came here to say that. I've worked Renfaires, and done Pennsics, and felt horribly sorry for Anne Boleyn's actress wearing black velvet all day, let alone a full fursuit with a covered head.

OP, tell your sister from one who knows, do not do this. You will be massively uncomfortable, miserable even at best, and might get heatstroke and die at worst. Not not NOT a good idea. Wear your fursuit to an anime con in winter. There you will fit right in and be cozy warm while those dressed as Sailor Moon will freeze their buns off.

Dress in a linen or cotton chemise, light skirt, and light bodice if you want to wear garb. ("Light" both in color and weight.) Wear ALL the sunscreen ESPECIALLY on your cleavage and replenish it regularly, I don't care if it's not period (I learned this the hard way, you learn from my experience) and take a big floppy hat (preferably loosely-woven straw so air can get through).

Bodice chillers are nice- little metal or glass containers to fill with cold water and stick in your cleavage. Take a hand fan- a cheap sandalwood or paper one will do nicely. Drink lots of water- any time you think about drinking water, do it. If there's a pickle seller, pickle juice mixed with water is a good period Gatorade if you need rehydration quickly. Take the heat seriously.

feiryxXxbombshell wrote:

NTA. While your sister is entitled to her interests and hobbies, Renaissance Faires typically have a specific theme and aesthetic that doesn't align with furry costumes. Your discomfort with taking her in a furry suit is understandable, as it might attract unwanted attention or conflict with the overall atmosphere of the event.

lithium_woman wrote:

NTA but be prepared for your mom to put down her foot and say, "then Maddy can't go eeeeeeiiiither!" If your mom was OK with her wearing a furry suit to Ren Faire, I wouldn't put it past her to pull a power play to get her way.

OP responded:

I asked my mom about this and she doesn't care about Maddy going. Maddy bought her own ticket and has a job and a license. She would go either way.

Strange-Courage wrote:

NTA, I love my siblings and what they do is their own business, but I’m not going with any of them dressed up as furries anywhere. She wants to wear it to ren? Cool hope she finds a ride.

Endgamekilledme wrote:

I'm surprised there aren't more people talking about how a 12 year old has so much unsupervised access to the internet they started getting into furries. I wouldn't want my kid anywhere near that at that age.

I'm obviously not a fan and they can do whatever they want in their own home but my biggest concern here is how easily she could get exploited by creeps online. I can't imagine googling furries is going to be only PG 10 content. OP absolutely isn't the AH but she should definitely talk to her mom about what furries actually are and how much of the community is explicit.

BojackTrashMan wrote:

This was my immediate thought. I thought "Hey remember when 12-year-olds didn't have access to these communities" Allow me to be clear that I don't have an issue with anybody's preference provided it is between consenting adults.

And I understand at 12-year-old is discovering and exploring their preferences for the first time which is pretty normal. But I also think that because of that, this girl has no sense of reasonable judgment that this is an intimate preference and not something that you do in public except for perhaps very specific events.

Nobody wants to unwillingly, non consensually participate in your intimate preference. She is not mature enough to understand that distinction.

OP wrote:

Comment to add: Maddy and I offered to help make her a more DnD creature outfit (werewolf, dragonborn, etc.) but that isn't what she wants to wear. She wants to wear a neon pink, cartoonish, furry suit. If we were going to comic con, I absolutely wouldn't care. But we live in a fairly small area and I have been going to our Renfair since I was 16 and have literally never seen someone wearing a furry suit.

Later in the comments OP gave this update:

Update for those who wanted to know: Ren Faire happened this past weekend. A few weeks ago, I sat down with my mom and went over my concerns about the heat and everything else to do with furries. We told Kiara she had to go out into the backyard for at least an hour in the full suit (it was around 80 that day).

She ended up coming back in after 30 minutes, sweating and dizzy. She's fine now, but finally got it that she shouldn't wear that. It ended up being around 90 degrees out at the faire, so thankful for that. After that whole thing, Maddy and I talked to her about other possibilities and our concerns with the kids from school who will be there.

She ended up finally conceding to a beautiful fairy outfit with an extra pair of wings Maddy had. She loved it and we had a blast! My mother also did more research into furries and essentially said no more. I don't live at home so I don't know exactly what's happening now, but I do know that mom is definitely paying more attention now.