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'AITA for refusing to attend my mom's NYE wedding because the day is so important to my wife?'

'AITA for refusing to attend my mom's NYE wedding because the day is so important to my wife?'

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"AITA for refusing to attend my mom's wedding because the day is so important to my wife?"

My mom is currently engaged and so far hadn’t said anything about the wedding. For some background my wife “Lainey” loves the holidays but never gets to host as my mom won’t let go (yes I know Lainey could still host but no one would attend).

I’ve previously asked my mom to step back and let someone else have some limelight but she just says Lainey can host when she’s dead (and she isn’t even that old so we are talking maybe 40 something years) the one holiday Lainey get to host is NYE as it isn’t a family based holiday and our friends are available. Lainey loves it and goes all out.

She begins planning the party right after the last one ends and her goal is always to be bigger and better. My mom knows we have had some parties, but to be fair idk if she knows how much they mean to her. She isn’t close to Lainey. Anyway my mom just set her wedding date for NYE 2025 in St Barts, so hosting would be impossible for Lainey. When Lainey heard she was beyond devastated. I saw some tears in her eyes and I told her to give me time to think it through.

I came to the conclusion that my wife trumps my mom because well duh she’s my wife. I feel my mom is being kind of selfish taking our holiday and trying to summon us all out of the country when she is used to having all of the attention on her anyway, and I don’t even like the groom. I called my mom and explained that it is an important holiday to Lainey and I won’t be able to make it.

She called me an ahole and said it would be embarrassing when people asked where I was. she tried to guilt me but I wouldn’t hear it. My aunt and uncle had a pretty bad reaction and banned Lainey and I from their house. Now my whole family is calling me a selfish ahole and blaming Lainey. Even my dad who despises my mom was like wow that’s cold and told me I was making a mistake.

ETA we have no reason to think my mom did this on purpose. We aren't close. She isn't around much, and we don't even know if she was aware we host NYE. Also we do not think this has anything to do with wanting yearly anniversary parties. My mom would find spending her anniversary with her family very cringe.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Akiranar said:

So...mom refuses to let anyone host the holidays, and everyone just lets her monopolize them. Your wife makes giant NYE parties because she wants to Host and has been frozen out by the family.

Mom decides to get married on the one day your wife does something big. You know that now every NYE is gonna be a big "anniversary party" that mom hosts and the family will go to, and HOW DARE you not support your mom. Right? NTA, don't let your mom take NYE from your wife. But also know that you are going to be crapped on by your mom's family for the rest of her marriage.

Oberyn_Kenobi_1 said:

Omg YTA. “Sorry, mom, we aren’t going to your wedding because my wife wants to host a NYE party instead.” That’s utterly insane.

fbombmom_ said:

NTA. Your mom and her family sound like a bunch of aholes. I would go LC/NC with anyone who treats you and your wife like crap. Lean into the relationships you have on your dad's side of the family and your friends.

Bunnawhat13 said:

SO YOU BLAMED IT ON YOUR WIFE! Seriously. You made a decision and told your mother you will not be attending because of your wife. Couldn’t say mom I don’t like your future husband. Mom I have decided I am not going because I don’t want to go to St Barts. Mom i don’t want to travel because of the holiday. Nah. You straight up throw your wife under the bus.

You are selfish and have used your wife as an excuse. Why didn’t you ask your mom why she chose NYE? Did you ask her if she did it to purposely hurt your wife? YTA. For making this Lainey’s fault. You didn’t stand up for your wife you made her life worse.

MasterGas9570 said:

NTA - the fact that your family is responding this way says a lot more about them than it does about you. Just tell everyone "We already had plans that involve people for that weekend. Mom knew that. She chose the date anyway and just expected us to drop our plans. If she was that concerned about us being there, she would have picked a date we didn't already have plans." Every year after this she will be hosing an anniversary party on that night.

Still-Preference5464 said:

ESH there are no adults here clearly! And OP should have stood up to his mum way before now and just threw his wife under the bus!

The opinions were incredibly divided for this one, but what's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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