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'AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding and saying I don't care about keeping up appearances?'

'AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding and saying I don't care about keeping up appearances?'


'AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding and saying I don't care about keeping up appearances?'

So for context my sister (23f) and I (21f) are not close. We never really were but it got worse when we were both in middle school. It became clear during middle school that I was mentally ill and I struggled a lot through my preteens and my teens. My sister was highly embarrassed by me and used to tell people we weren't sisters, something she still does on occasion depending on the people she's talking to.

She even got into trouble with one of her teachers in high school because the teacher was a family friend and knew us, so she knew we were related and my sister outright denied we were sisters to the class and called the teacher a liar and said I was a miserable freak nobody wanted to know, let alone her.

She never wanted to be seen with me. If our parents wanted us to do something as a family she would say she wouldn't be seen with me in public. That it was humiliating enough to live with me but she would not ruin her reputation by being with psycho girl (something I was nicknamed in middle school after I had a breakdown in class).

At one point my parents insisted that my sister come along to therapy with me and they joined as well. The idea was everyone would get to understand what I was going through more. The therapist wasn't okay with it but my parents pressured me to say I was, so I did, something I regret to this day.

So my therapist explained about my bad anxiety, intrusive thoughts and depression. Afterward, my sister told me I should listen to those intrusive thoughts more often since they sound "pretty accurate and helpful."

I would say most of this came from the fact our parents paid more attention to me but that's actually untrue and they ignored me a lot because my sister was always the one who shined and was popular. So she was easier. While I always struggled with anxiety and my emotions. That being ignored for so long contributed to why I got so bad. The real reason my sister feels the way she does, I believe, is because I had a mental health crisis in school and people talked about it and me for ages after. I don't think she ever forgave me for that.

Anyway, she met a guy in college and now they're getting married and the wedding has become an argument between my parents and me. I RSVP'd no to the wedding. My parents were telling me I should be at my sister's wedding. At first my sister was okay with me not going but her ILs were asking questions so now she's like I need to be there or else.

She said my pathetic life could wait for one day while I make her life easier. Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am. My sister also told me not to tell some of his friends that I'm her sister because again, she denies me still. But his parents know? It's a mess. My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there. I refused to attend or take back my no and I told them I don't care about keeping up appearances. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Longjumping_Dish6000 said:

Wow your parents are major AHs for letting her continue this behavior. She should’ve been in therapy trying to come to terms with why this was such an issue for her. You have zero reason to sacrifice for your sister, she couldn’t sacrifice for you. You have no reason to prioritize her when she never cared about you. Respect is a two way street. Tell her she didn’t want a sister so bad, she doesn’t have one anymore. If she doesn’t want people to think badly of her, she shouldn’t do bad things. NTA.

terayonjf said:

NTA but are you ready to deal with the backlash of your decision? You're 100% within your rights to not go to something you're clearly not wanted at. They are pushing you to be there for optics and nothing else. That said you have to decide if their harassment is worth taking the stand you're taking. They care more about how they look than your wellbeing so there's no telling how far they will take this.

Level_Equivalent9108 said:

NTA. Your family is awful…like psychopathically awful. The only way I would go would be to deliberately humiliate her in some way and then ride into the sunset laughing. That’s not true I’d be too much of an anxious mess lol but they would deserve it. Tell them they are all terrible people and then never speak to them again!

wlfwrtr said:

NTA Ask parents "What sister? Ask her friends, she doesn't have a sister so it would look funny if one showed up."

honey_honey1968 said:

NTA. Sounds like the fiance is just as much of an ass as your sister and parents. Who is he to tell you to take your meds and practice your smile. Don't worry - your sister will flame out and be divorced in 5 years.

Ruleofinsanity said:

NTA your sister is still a bully with a teen mindset about you and honestly it sounds like her fiancé isn't much better. Avoid it, find something else to do that day.

Lifear said:

NTA, if they are putting constraints on what you do, (smile, take meds etc.), then they don’t deserve you. Sounds like a very toxic environment, with your sister in control.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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