So I’ve been seeing this girl for awhile. We used to date in middle school and we reconnected about 10 months back and started dating again. It’s been pretty cool, she does have a daughter now and the father is definitely involved. But I try not to get between it or the father as a respectful matter, not trying to play daddy when daddy is in her life.
She’s a cool little girl I do hold her, feed her, occasionally buy a couple necessities nothing crazy,and stay in the car or room with her when mom leaves the room for a second you know basic s--t but never baby sitting.
I feel that’s not my responsibility. Of course, when she’s there I act accordingly. But I feel any outside responsibility isn’t my own...she's asking if I can start baby sitting on the weekends (the father apparently is starting to work weekends but so does she).
I told her I would let her know but I don’t think that’s a problem that I should have to take care of the only time of the week I get to myself. Why should I have to sacrifice my free time?
Edit- we reconnected 10-11 months ago and dated almost the entire time since we reconnected. I’m 20 she’s 19.
responsiblenose wrote:
You’re the boyfriend not the stepdad, but I would hope that if you guys do get closer to a marriage, you would babysit your stepdaughter because she’s obviously young enough that she can have a bonus dad.
You guys can have a really good relationship if you treat her like she is your own kid down the line if your relationship progresses. If you’re not planning on treating your girlfriend’s kid like she is your own, then I would break up now.
Constant-Goat2343 wrote:
NTA. You're not madly in love, are you? Well, anyway, it's a tricky situation... She is trying to make you part of the jointed family. And you decide for yourself is that what you want. If you see your future with this woman - then yes, babysit and bond with the little girl, find your place in their family. If you aren't so sure about spending the rest of your life with her - why keep being in this relationship?
You can't have the woman without taking care of her child. Just can't. If you have her in your life - you have also her child and her ex as child's father. If you try to be just a boyfriend - that won't work, she'll look for someone who would commit.
supcork wrote:
I think babysitting at the weekends so she can work is a little too much at this stage. Being on hand for some emergency babysitting- like child has a cold and can't go to daycare or a babysitter falls through - is more appropriate. Or an hour here and there so she can go to an appointment.
The baby has 2 working parents already. It is for them to figure out childcare. You are a new boyfriend, not the Dad or the husband. I'm saying this as a single mom, I would have never expected a boyfriend to sacrifice their weekends to babysit.
Koroo wrote:
NTA. You haven't dated that long, both parents are involved and you don't live together, as others already said. While long-term you need to decide on your role and relationship with the kid as well (which both parents should have input on), I think it's completely fine to only babysit in emergencies, especially before it becomes a habit.
In this case it's a "Her dad is working weekends now and I'm already working so we need someone to watch her". Cool, get a babysitter or ask a family member, working usually means you can pay people.
I'd worry about it becoming a habit with differing expectations. Especially if you break up that could get messy. As a partner you should support and help someone you are dating, but imo it's fine to draw boundaries as well. Imo it's a huge step going from "can you watch her, while I briefly hop out" to "Can you take care of her regularly on the weekend?"
MayCyan425 wrote:
NAH. If you dont want to "play daddy" dont date someone with kids. Right now your just dating I dont know how long or how serious but if one day you become a stepdad youre going to need to step up.
That means taking a backseat to the parents but still parenting. You'll eventually be left alone with her for more than just next room stuff, you'd need to cook, and pay attention to her, and treat her as your own even if the parents have boundarys. If your not up for that you shouldnt be with her.
I think mom might think this relasionship is more serious than you. Possibly been dating 10 months, feels comfortble leaving her kid with you, seems to be starting to treat you like stepdad. Unless youve made how you feel clear and what you are and arent willing to do I can see why mom asked.
Vegetable-Cod-2340 wrote:
NTA
But also I think whether or not you knew her before , it seems entirely too soon to both ask op to babysit for the weekend and leave her kid with him for the weekend.
Also I think this is the Dad’s responsibility to find daycare , since he’s the one changing the schedule.
Only 10 months, and you’re leaving your kid with this person all day, no that’s a red flag, she’s asking entirely too much too soon .
OP, I would say no, and maybe take some time to review this relationship and if you’re ready for this. This is Step Dad territory.
Once you say no, she is going to be angry and you’re most likely going to get the cold shoulder.