'AITA for refusing to be the designated driver?' 'I was ruining the date.'
"AITA for refusing to be the designated driver when we went out?"
My girlfriend and I were going on a double date at the weekend. The plan was to go bowling then to a cocktail bar. When we go to events where there will be alcohol involved we will either get a taxi so we can both drink or we will decide who is going to drive home and be the designated driver, and the other one drives to the event.
Before the event, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted me to be the designated driver or get a taxi, but she said no and that she was fine being the designated driver. I drove us to the event and ordered a pint when we got there.
When I ordered it, my girlfriend asked me if I minded only having the one and being the designated driver. I pointed out I'd already asked if she wanted me to be it, and she said no, so I'm going to have a drink now that we're out.
She said she's changed her mind, but I just said it's too late. She said it was unfair, but I just reminded her I'd offered her multiple options where she'd be able to drink and she chose to say no to them and chose to agree to be the designated driver.
She said I was starting an argument over something small but I just said she was the one starting an argument and trying to go back on the agreement. But she said I was ruining the date. AITA for refusing to be the designated driver?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Character-Device-514 said:
Nta you're girlfriend agreed to being the DD (designated driver) it's not your fault or responsibility because she changed her mind and regretted her choice! If she was so concerned about being able to have a drink she could've ordered an Uber to get y'all wherever...
(I'm assuming y'all were going to the same place because there only appears to be 1 designated driver) I would recommend gently talking to her about how her comments made you feel like the ah and that you feel it wasn't fair to you to change her mind at the bar.
CartographerHot2285 said:
NTA. If it's agreed upon beforehand, she can kindly ask you, but she has to accept your answer.
Sad-Tea-4023 said:
NTA…your girlfriend is a manipulative person, hate those kind of people. You can clearly ask them and provide choices and they fake one and eventually they change their mind and suddenly it’s your fault for not accepting their choice and you are the one ruining things. If it’s was the other way round, she hate made a drama of this. Don’t believe you're in the wrong one here.
FormerRunnerAgain said:
NTA - but in a calmer moment, I would talk to her about her complaint that "it was unfair". Remind her that the two of you have this long standing practice of discussing ahead of time how to be responsible drinkers.
The TWO of you enacted this plan before you went out and you did your part by driving to the event and ordering your pint. She then decided that she didn't go along with the plan and HOW EXACTLY WAS IT UNFAIR THAT YOU DIDN'T GO ALONG? Once this has been settled, then ask how you "started an argument?"
You need your girl friend to understand that blaming the other party for her actions is not appropriate and she needs to accept the consequences of her actions and not try to blame someone else when she doesn't get her way. If she can't understand this, then suggest the two of you go to couples counseling to discuss how to communicate more effectively.
CrabbiestAsp said:
NTA. She expected you to change your plans because she changed her mind. Assuming your date wasn't forever away from where you live, next time, the simple solution is to both drink, leave the car overnight and get it again in the morning.
ncslazar7 said:
NTA at all. Being a designated driver is a responsibility she agreed to. If you were willing to DD before you consume alcohol, she's not an AH for asking, but she is one for not accepting no.