'AITA for refusing to change my dinner plans based on my son's GF?'
"AITA for refusing to change my dinner plans based on my son's GF?"
I F(39) have a frugal lifestyle. Most of the food I feed my family is grown on our farm or harvested from the woods. This causes many of our meals to be some sort of game or egg, seasonal vegetables and some cheese.
My son Jasper told me yesterday he is bringing his new gf Emily (19) to dinner and that she is vegan and on an alkaline diet. The diet is extremely restrictive and my meal plan which is meticulously planned for dinner was pork chops, potatoes, corn and a salad. After research I asked Jasper if it's ok if I just made her a side of some alkaline vegetables because the diet is unaffordable for me.
When I told Jasper he started getting upset and saying I was not accepting and that I shouldn't be making any meat out of respect so I told him to not bring her over he became very upset. AITA?
The internet kept it honest all the way.
Less-Classic-9021 wrote:
NAH. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it, nobody can expect you to throw a fancy meal and then go hungry for the rest of the week cause you went over your budget.
But I do understand the son as well, as it would be awkward and unwelcoming to single out new girlfriend with a small dish. Consider meeting without food, just drinks (not necessarily alc-holic, just you know, watery stuff) and small snacks, instead of a big meal?
fancyandfab wrote:
Your son is TA here. Does he ever cook? He needs to pay for the ingredients and cook the meal if he wants something elaborate. Most vegans are very understanding and appreciate any effort to accommodate them. Depending on your area, a restaurant with vegan options might be a better option, but that's also expensive. Don't blame the GF. Your son is at fault. NTA.
Peony-Pony wrote:
NTA. Your son can go out and buy the ingredients for a vegan dish and make it himself if it's important to him. Expecting you and your family to cater a meal to one individual is unreasonable. You offered to make his girlfriend alkaline vegetables as a compromise.
"When I told Jasper he started getting upset and saying I was not accepting and that I shouldn't be making any meat out of respect so I told him to not bring her over he became very upset."
He'll get over it.
BlockedByJax wrote:
NTA. I was vegan for years and vegetarian now, and I'm always grateful when someone makes sure I'm accommodated, especially in advance like this. (I've always held that I can't tell people what not to cook in their own homes, and the request to cook no meat may not have come from the girlfriend—clarify that with your son!) A plate of your farm fresh vegetables sounds divine!
ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels wrote:
NTA. Your son is AH because he is expecting you to accommodate his girlfriend with an expensive, time consuming diet that you can't make. He's probably old enough to buy enough ingredients to make the dinner, so why doesn't he do it instead of forcing his mom to do it.
dragonsandvamps wrote:
NTA. It sounds like you are serving potatoes, corn and a salad. Those are all vegan and should comply with her diet, so long as you don't put butter on them (people can add that at the table.) If she needs another dish, she can bring it, and/or your son can prepare a dish and bring it. Dictating that no one at the table should eat meat just because she doesn't is rude.
Piper6728 wrote:
NTA. At most one can maybe make a dish to help with this need, but if a person has chosen a dietary preference that is different than one the host does then they can bring their own meal, and should be respectful of what the host has chosen to make.
It's selfish to expect an entire party to change based on one person's decisions, the hosts and other guests have every right to choose what they want to eat as well.
Sure-Beach-9560 wrote:
NTA. But also, curious how many partners he's brought before? Considering how last minute it is, you'd either have to shop or - more likely - go out to eat. This is just to say, I'm wondering if "you're not being accepting" is code for "our way of life/ our income level is embarrassing and I want us to do something completely different so she doesn't know how we live"
Rightfullyfemale wrote:
NTA. Families are on a budget ESPECIALLY right now with the economy. Even still, JUST BECAUSE SHE is vegan/alkaline diet doesn’t mean YOU ARE OR HAVE TO BE. Maybe they should take you out to dinner at a restaurant that THEY choose because it fits in with her lifestyle.
To act ENTITLED to tell you “that you should or have to” do XYZ when I’m assuming it’s your house & you are also paying for and supplying all of the food is beyond ridiculous.
Tell him that he is more than capable of buying the food & cooking it for everyone since he thinks he’s gets to choose whatever he wants. Your son is being ridiculous. The only one who so far isn’t accepting anyone is your son (& possibly his girlfriend), though you don’t know that she is demanding this or if it’s just him being ridiculously entitled.
Unndunn1 wrote:
An alkaline diet is ridiculous. Has the girl taken biology? The body has ways to keep it at the right pH. Eating different veggies isn’t going to change that.