'AITA for refusing to drive if my wife is in the car? She is an insufferable backseat driver.'

"AITA for refusing to drive if my wife is in the car?"

For years, after we got married, I could never figure out why I would be so angry and moody anytime my wife and I went somewhere. Then it finally clicked. I was only in a bad mood if I drove with my wife. My wife is the absolute worst back seat driver I have ever seen. Doesn't matter how I drive, she still finds things to complain about.

Why did you go this way? If you would of went that way we would be there by now! You're driving too fast! You're driving too slow! You could of made that light unf#$kingreal! That light was red and you blew threw it! Can you brake any harder idiot!? There were 17 great parking spots and you had to choose parking spot 18 which is the absolute worst!

You turned your blinker on too late! You turned your blinker on too early! Why are you accelerating so slowly? Whoa! Was it necessary to accelerate that quickly? Etc. So for the past couple of years, I have refused to drive. I now make her do all the driving. And lo and behold, I'm no longer a grumpy person when we travel.

She has now gotten upset that she now is always driving and told me I needed to at least split driving 50/50 with her. I told her if she could keep her opinions to her self while I was driving then I would. She agreed. So last weekend I started driving. She couldn't even last 3 minutes without criticizing my driving.

I pulled over and told her I'm done. Either she takes over driving or we're going home. She eventually took the wheel. As she muttered that I drive like a moron even though there's only one of us who has any tickets and has at fault accidents on their record and it's not me. So AITA for refusing to drive if she's present?

The commenters didn't hold back one bit.

Hereforthefoodz wrote:

She’s calling you an idiot and a moron? It sounds like you came up with a perfectly reasonable solution. She can’t complain about your driving and force you to drive and call you names- that’s not ok. I think you did the right thing and you’re NTA.

Chestertheblackcat wrote:

NTA. I have a tendency to be a back seat driver to my partner, but not nearly to this extent. If he wanted to drive separately and told me the reason was because of how I treat him, it would only make me reflect on how I’m treating him. You need to have a serious sit down conversation with her, outside of the car, and if she doesn’t get it, then I wouldn’t drive with her.

booboo_flathers wrote:

I’d never be able to handle my partner ever calling me an idiot or a moron in almost any context — possibly if I cheated or did something so terrible that he couldn’t be expected to play within the bounds of reason.

JaneNotKnowing wrote:

I try really hard not to be driven by my husband. He tailgates. And is a very aggressive driver. So unless I’m incapable I’ll drive. We got home once-with him driving- and I got out of the car and threw up. So never again.

He doesn’t really mind as he can then have more than one drink, but there’ve been a couple of times he’s tried to be the driver and I just won’t get in the car. I’m not embarrassed to stand on the street and wait for him to get out of the drivers seat. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OkDragonfly4098 wrote:

I’m impressed that this solution has worked for several years! I would have expected the ab#se to just transfer into other areas of your life, once the opportunities to backseat drive stopped.

NTA and good for you!

MajorAd2678 wrote:

The way she treats you when you’re driving is not acceptable. She’s rude, un respectful and condescending to you. This needs a much bigger conversation outside of the car. I wouldn’t just stop driving either her. For me that would be a huge problem. I can’t stay with someone who behaves like this.

Alicat52 wrote:

God, NO! NTA. My husband does the exact same thing when I drive. I like to drive, but he always manages to ruin each trip for me. "Why are you taking this road?" "Turn left here - HERE!" "Watch that car!" "Oh, you're going this way again?"

Drives me absolutely nuts, and I finally have to tell him to shut the F up, and then he's pissed. But he never learns to keep his mouth shut. You have my deepest sympathy.

Sorry-Government920 wrote:

I have my wife drive if we are going somewhere together because of her constant criticism of my driving. It's so annoying because most of her complaints are for things see does more then I do like she always comments I'm following to close but she follows closer then I do.

Adventurous_Ad_6546 wrote:

So my mom is like this (my dad too to an extent but it’s not nearly as bad). It wasn’t too much of an issue for a long time but now they’re both aging/in poor health so I’ve moved home and do all the driving.

The very first time my mom feels she has…input…I tell her to look at her phone. She’s getting better at puzzles! And this is just the modern day solution. When I was growing up in the 90s/early aughts, my dad made her find another activity when he drove us down to the beach.

She usually read or crocheted. She agreed it was a far more pleasant for her too. Now of course this will only work if your wife is willing to admit her “help” isn’t crucial. And while I hate to encourage anyone to spend more time with their face buried in their phone, you guys would be safer and less stressed.