'AITA for refusing to feed my sister's kids for free every day? It's a lot of effort.'
"AITA for refusing to feed my sister's kids for free every day?"
My older sister (37F) has 3 kids under 10. I (25M) don't have kids yet but I'm a junior sous-chef and I cook a lot in my spare time. During some recent time off from work my sister asked if I could babysit her kids after school for three days. I said yes. I watched the kids.
She paid me for it and I thought that would be it. But then she asked me what the kids ate with me after the week had ended and then she wanted to know how I got her kids to eat a full meal. Her kids are picky eaters.
They are typically the kids who will eat what they like off a plate (meat and potatoes, rice or noodles) and then leave the rest (veggies, sauces). According to my sister and BIL, even if you give more veggies than something else they won't eat them and they'll wait until their next meal and if you give all veggies or insist they eat the veggies before anything else, they'll skip the meal.
I sorta knew that about them before I babysat so I blended veggies and other good stuff into their dinner the first day with me and the second day I served them but I did them but hid them in plain sight. On the last day, I just served them in a way they don't get them normally and because they knew they had them they ate them without an issue.
But they wouldn't eat them for my sister or BIL after. There was some back and forth between us and I shared some recipes but my sister said she couldn't get them to eat the food. So she wanted me to make food for her kids every day. I asked if she was going to pay me for spending all that time and money and she told me I should do it as a way to help my nieces and nephews stay healthy.
I told her it's a big ask. She told me I have the chance to really help and put my skills to good use for family. I feel like it's asking a lot because they expect me to make something every day for the kids. But my sister feels like I'm being a bad brother and uncle. AITA?
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
MrsNobodySpecial wrote:
NTA. Does your sister know how much food costs? If she wants to buy the food and bring it over, and provide the disposable to go boxes then I think you should do it. I cook for people all the time for free, but they pay for the food. If you enjoy it, it gives you experience. But only if she pays for the food and costs associated with it.
OP responded:
She wanted me to accept the cost. Even though she'd already be saving money by buying less.
thick-standards90 wrote:
So she's willing to pay you to watch them, but won't pay you to feed them? That math ain't mathin. NTA.
OP responded:
My guess is she finds it less intimidating to pay for 3 days babysitting over every day food. But then she should see why it would be a lot to ask someone to do for nothing.
Discount_Mithral wrote:
NTA. Has she seen how expensive a bag of groceries is lately?! And she wants you to increase your grocery spending by three-fold for free?! Not only that, but your time and effort to cook a nice meal should be compensated.
I used to work service industry, I know a lot of cooks that ate like garbage at home because they spent all day cooking for other people, so the last thing they wanted to do when they got home was cook more food. It's close to the holidays, I might offer to either spend time with her teaching her how to cook or getting her some cooking lessons so she can mimic the meals you made for her kids.
Clearly the kids like the veggies when cooked a specific way. (My mom used to just boil brussels sprouts; I HATED them as a kid. I finally had them roasted as an adult and thought - why couldn't they have been like this? I would have eaten them more often!)
OP responded:
The kids aren't big fans of their parents cooking in general. But veggies seem to be the thing they find the most unappealing. I had considered offering some cooking lessons over the holidays and some meal inspo for my sister and BIL. But I'm trying to decide if that would be a disaster or not.
Dry-Fortune-6724 wrote:
This is ridiculous. The kids won't eat the food sister makes because the kids KNOW they will get "something" AND dessert, even if they don't eat the "yuckie" food. They need to learn better parenting skills.
OP responded:
The kids don't get dessert if they don't eat their dinner with their parents. They also don't get something instead.
SmartQuokka wrote:
They want to offload not only the cost but the food prep labour onto you. NTA.
Helping family is an occasional babysitting or taking the kids out for the day to the local fair, not being a long term personal chef, on your dime.
000ps-Crow_No wrote:
Also she and her husband can just learn to cook & model good eating behavior instead of focusing on the kids’ eating vegetables-the kids likely feel pressured & resistant whereas with you it was no pressure & a pleasant dining experience.
My niblings love to eat at my house bc I don’t make the whole meal about getting them to eat, and try to involve them in the process where possible, and I eat the same food with them. Tell sister to check out “Kids Eat In Color” for tons of other info on picky eaters.
1568314 wrote:
Don't let her delude you into thinking an unpaid personal chef is something her children are entitled to. This isn't even like her asking you to give them free haircuts because you're a stylist.
She's asking you to take on a whole-a-s part-time job so she doesn't have to put effort into getting her kids to eat healthy. You can be sure that while she's telling you it's no big deal, she's dreaming about all the time she's going to have because she doesn't have to cook dinner anymore.
The time saved on dishes alone! You did more than enough by teaching her kids that healthy meals can taste good and giving her recipes. She can drag her butt to your kitchen and roll up her sleeves if she's serious about getting her kids to eat better. NTA.
llama_llama_48213 wrote:
I am in no way undermining OP's professional skill. But sister could easily look up on Google different ways to present veggies to kids. There are blogs and books devoted to this topic. Rather than guilting her sister about putting her skills to good use for the family, da$m, ask OP for advice.